Update: Monday, April 17, 2006
God has been so merciful to us. He continues to bless us and teach us each day. I will start by saying that our days of babysitting two Polish children went extremely well. Our prayers were answered and the children were happy and content to be with us, and as an extra bonus, my Polish improved…temporarily. By the end of the four days, I was speaking and thinking mostly in Polish. Unfortunately, it didn’t take long for that to fade.
Today is Easter Monday (the day after Easter). It is also called wet Monday. The tradition in Poland is to squirt the people you meet with water. Some have taken this a large step further to even dumping buckets of water out of apartment windows on anyone who happens to pass by. I have decided to stay in today. Of course, I was not able to escape unscathed. Matthew came into my bedroom and threw a small cup of water down my back as I was leaning over helping Kaylee with something. But as I was typing this, Mike came in and told me that Matthew just got sprayed by our neighbors. What is that verse? Oh yes, “Vengeance is mine. I will repay, says the Lord.” Just know that I am smiling.
The snow has melted and as if to prove that spring is truly on its way, the crocuses are blooming. Still, the days do not warm up much above 50 degrees Fahrenheit, but we have the sun, grass and now flowers. In addition, I spoke with our landlord and he said I have the liberty to landscape the yard anyway I choose. Those that know me well know that there wasn’t anything he could have said that would have made me happier. I have been looking around to see what types of plants are here, I will begin making plans soon. I probably won’t begin planting until May, as it is still so cold. When the snow melted, a layer of sand and salt was left on our street. The other day as I returned from the store I saw Grzegorz sweeping the street in front of our houses. I hollered out the window that I would send Mike right out to join him. (I also told him that “keeping up with the Jones” here requires a lot more physical activity than back in South Carolina.) Grzegorz is the first one on the block to shovel the snow and now he is the first to sweep up the sand. Mike worked along side him until the road between our houses was spotless. I wondered if they were going to stop there because it made the rest of the street look so dirty. They did stop, however. Over the past couple of weeks a few others on the street have followed their lead, but not all.
Mikey, Mason and Kaylee all had allergy testing last week. Somehow Matt managed not to be plagued with my family allergy problems. They have all begun taking daily allergy medicine and seem to be doing much better. The big test will be in June when one of the grasses they all strongly reacted to comes into bloom. But for now, they are all enjoying being able to breathe again.
I enrolled Kaylee into a private kindergarten in the middle of March. It was the best decision I could have made. It is wonderful. She enjoys school now, loves her teacher, and the children are kind to her. Everyday she comes home with a story of something great that happened that day. One day a nurse came to her school, another day brought a fireman and on another day her class went on a field trip to a castle. What an opportunity for her. Now tell me, how often does a kindergarten class get the chance to visit a castle in the States? In addition, she is taking Polish lessons (I dropped the French) and she understands more and more each day.
Kaylee and I made a quick surprise visit back to the states March 18th – March 25th. I would love to say that it was simply for pleasure, but it wasn’t. Of course, we did have a wonderful time visiting family and friends, but that wasn’t the reason for the trip. The family we allowed to stay in our house seemed continually unable to abide by our agreed upon guidelines and in addition caused thousands of dollars worth of damage to our house in the short time they were there. It is really quite sad. I’m a little sad about the house and I’m very sad for them. We had offered them a chance to start over and get on their feet financially. But most importantly, we offered them a chance to know Jesus. We shared Him with her and her children. There were people at the church in Lexington wanting to study the Bible with them, but they refused. In February, after several attempts to redeem the arrangement, I spoke with her and discussed the situation. In the end we couldn’t see eye to eye and I asked her to move out. This was not easy for me. I had put so much of myself into this arrangement. I had such hopes for this family. On the night I asked her to leave, Mike and I were discussing the situation and I asked him, “How can someone who has received such a gift, one that is worth so much, treat it with such disregard”? No sooner had the words left my mouth than my mind turned to Christ. (Not that there is even the slightest comparison, but stay with me.) Immediately I thought about God the Father, giving us His son who suffered so greatly in order to give us a chance to start over. He did it because he wanted us to get back on our feet again, free from sin. He gave this to us freely. It cost us nothing, but it cost the Father His son. I began crying. I thought of the times I knowingly went against God’s guidelines and chose to sin rather than obey. At that moment, I imagined Jesus looking over and asking his Father concerning me, “How can someone who has received such a free gift treat it with such disregard”? Quite the object lesson, isn’t it? The thing that saddened me the most from this situation was the final statement made by her daughter. The house was empty; all except for a brand new Bible sitting on the kitchen counter. As I picked it up, the sheriff who was there, filled me in on what the girl said. Before leaving, she took the Bible out of the closet, set it on the counter and said to the sheriff, “I hope the next person who gets to live here can use this more that I did.” I broke down into tears. I shared with the sheriff why I let them stay in my house and why her leaving the Bible was so painful for me. I wondered for a moment if she had left the Bible behind out of spite, but I realize that it is deeper than that. This is between her and God. And knowing the love of my Father, He isn’t finished with her yet. After all, He still hasn’t given up on me.
Friday evening we drove to Gdansk, a city on the Baltic Sea. This was our first tourist outing in Poland and we had a wonderful time. I was able to find an apartment one street away from the old city square. What a fantastic location. We were in walking distance from many of the most interesting historic landmarks. I am constantly amazed when I see buildings that date back to medieval times. Poland is rich with history. On Saturday, after a morning of sightseeing, we drove to Sopot, a near by resort city, and visited a water park. The park had fountains, pools, currents, and a wild river. It also had two tube slides that were 2 and a half stories high. At the top there is a great view of the Baltic Sea. The slides traveled outside the building twisting and turning several times before depositing us back inside the building into a pool of water. That, of course, was the highlight of the kids’ trip. At the end of this month, we are planning a trip to Croatia to visit a good friend. We are hoping to visit Vienna on the way down and spend some time in Budapest on the way back home.
“He is not here, for He has risen, just as He said… Go quickly and tell His disciples that He has risen from the dead…” Matt 28:6,7
Kris
Update: Wednesday, March 8, 2006
I think the time flies faster in Poland than in America. Is that possible? It’s hard to believe three months have passed already. Although, when I think of all that has happened and all we have done I wonder how we fit it all in to that amount of time. Time is curious that way, isn’t it?
We have made it through the worst of the winter without much illness. Mason, Kaylee, and I had sinus infections in January, but that was it…so far. There is a general doctor and a pediatrician we go to here who both speak English so communication isn’t a problem. Actually, our pediatrician makes house calls. Wow! Mason and Kaylee seem to be suffering a bit from allergies so we may be having allergy testing done in the near future. I haven’t had the courage yet to tell them. I’m afraid they would run away from home.
School for the children is an interesting and complicated subject. I was home schooling before we arrived here, but chose to put the boys into a small private Michelin school. The catch is that it is in French. The boys begin their day with an hour and a half of French lessons, followed by another hour and a half (in English) of math and English grammar and. The last few hours of school are spent in various other classes conducted in French. Matt’s and Mason’s favorite classes are P.E. and art. Mikey enjoys his physics class (in French), especially when they are performing experiments. The boys eat lunch at school, which is a new experience for them. Soup is always on the menu as well as some form of potatoes. Kaylee also has French lessons first thing in the morning and then goes to a Polish kindergarten. I am considering taking her out of the French classes and changing kindergartens. I will visit a new, highly recommended kindergarten this week and then make a decision. Her current one is convenient as is it located right next to the boys’ school, but simple convenience is not sufficient reason for me to keep her there. There are other issues that must be considered. Please pray about this situation and wisdom for us as we make such decisions for our children.
Mike and I continue our Polish lessons each week. The “gift of tongues” sounds good about now! I speak so slowly when I speak in Polish. Each word’s ending changes depending on the grammar of the sentence and I have to think before I speak (the absurdity of that thought!) For example, if a word is used after one preposition it is said one way. If it is used after another, it is said another way. There are seven grammatical cases in Polish. So, when I learn a new word, I really must learn many different ways of saying that word, and know the proper time to use each one. It’s a good thing I taught my children grammar or I wouldn’t remember when a word is used as a direct object, indirect object or predicate nominative. I always told my teachers I would never need to know that kind of stuff. Who would have known? Kaylee is also taking Polish lessons. Her pronunciations of words are so clear and sound so much more “Polish” than mine. Children are known for having that language advantage. I’m a bit jealous.
I manage to keep busy every day. I have started taking aerobics at a nearby studio. It is a lot of fun and I am learning some new phrases in Polish like “last eight” and “one more time.” I have been going a couple times a week in the evening with a teacher from the Michelin school, but I discovered that they offer a class in the morning so I will try that one out this week. I also began teaching a few conversational English classes in February. I have five students; two girls about eleven years old, two teenagers, and one adult. I teach each person individually and enjoy the classes. Later this week we are swimming out into uncharted waters. Some friends of ours, Sebastian and Wiola, have been planning a trip together for a long time. They have two children; a boy, Karol who is 7 years old and a girl, Kasia, who is 2 ½ years old and red headed just like Kaylee. Sebastian’s parents were going to take care of their children while they were gone, but his mother had to go to the hospital and will be unable to care for them. So, the children will stay with us from Wednesday evening until Sunday afternoon. Karol and Kasia do not speak English so we will make do with our Polish. I plan on asking Sebastian to write down a few important phrases in Polish like eat your vegetables and don’t jump on the bed just in case we need them. Actually, I think it will be a fun adventure and I am thankful that God is giving us the opportunity to serve. I pray the children will feel at ease with us and be happy while they are here.
Saturday I took Matthew and Mason to an Aikido class with Dorota. She heard about the class and took us there so the boys could try it out. This particular company also has Aikido classes in another location in town with children who have been training for many years. They just opened a new location close to our house with classes for children who have never trained in Aikido before. The boys loved it and will now have class on Monday and Thursday evenings with other children their age. The classes will be in Polish, of course, but the instructors all speak English and will be able to help the boys understand what to do.
There is more to tell, but I will save those stories until the next update except to say that we continually feel the Lord’s hands on us leading us where he wants us to go spiritually. I am trying to follow closely behind him but sometimes I think he has to pull me along. The scripture in 2 Corinthians 5:7, 9 reminds me that our walk is one of faith and not of sight and that our goal is to please God and not ourselves.
Kris
Update: Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Every weekday I drive Mike to work and the children to school. Yesterday morning was particularly beautiful. The air was exceptionally cold, and the sky was clear and blue. With the snow frosted trees in the foreground, the skyline looked like the scene out of a tourist book. I am amazed by the beauty I see every day.
Much has happened since I last wrote. I will give some of the highlights up to this point. Several weekends ago our family went with a few “Michelin” families out into the country for a sleigh ride. What a treat. This was my first sleigh ride. I remember listening to my mother’s stories of riding in her grandfather’s sleigh and listening to the bells jingle as they rode. We didn’t have sleigh bells, but we enjoyed it just the same. Two horse drawn sleighs pulled several children’s sleds. Most of the adults sat in the sleighs and the children, and those who were young at heart, sat on the sleds. I chose to sit in the sleigh. Any other time I may have sat on a sled, but due to an unfortunate sledding incident the day before, I needed a bit of extra padding on my backside. After the sleigh ride, we met around an open fire and roasted sausages on sticks, the way we roast hotdogs. The children were also given horse back rides and some of the adults joined in on that fun as well. Inside a small unheated building, we were offered several traditional Polish dishes to sample. What a pleasure it was to be invited to participate in this adventure. When we could no longer feel our toes, we decided to head back into town.
New Year’s Eve brought a surprise blessing into our lives. In the evening, the door bell rang and standing on the porch was a woman holding a plate of traditional Polish cookies. She began speaking to us in Polish. We understood only a few words. After apologizing to her that we only spoke a little Polish, she switch to English. As it turns out, Grzegorz and Dorota, our “across the street” neighbors, lived in New York for four years and speak English perfectly. The next day they invited us over for coffee and dessert. We instantly became friends and have enjoyed spending time together. Their friendship is truly a gift from God. They have two girls with whom Kaylee loves playing. I call them her Polish sisters. Now, what do good friends do? They help each other, right? Well, they wanted to help us learn Polish faster so they suggested speaking to us only in Polish. I wasn't sure I wanted that much help, so I suggested a compromise. I said that when they are at our house they will speak in English, and when we are at their house we will speak in Polish. Sounds great, doesn't it? Unfortunatley I haven't kept up my end of the bargin yet, but I will try to do better.
“That is not all. Oh no, that is not all.” (Quote from The Cat in the Hat) The day after we arrived in Olsztyn, Paulina, a relocation coordinator hired by Michelin met us at our hotel. It was her job to show us around the city, point out important places, and provide us with the necessary addresses and phone number of banks, doctors, stores, etc. As it turns out, she was also the one who found us our house. We were given a great tour that day and had a wonderful lunch together. Since then, we have become friends. She and her husband came over for dinner last week and we had a wonderful time. I feel so blessed by the people God is bringing into our lives. I do not feel alone.
This morning I attended a “coffee” for some of the “Michelin wives”. Joan, the wife of a Canadian employee, arranged a get-together for some of the other international wives. What an interesting group we were. Some of the ladies spoke only English, French, or German. Thankfully, there were a few who spoke a mixture of at least two of these languages so we could all communicate. I may try to plan one at my house in the next few weeks.
Matthew’s eleventh birthday is January 19th. He has invited over a couple of friends from the French school who speak English to help him celebrate. With all this snow, we will probably go sledding then let them play video games…it’s what they all seem to enjoy doing together. Nathan, one of the boys, is from Switzerland, but his family lived in Greenville, South Carolina for 3 years. He has an older sister, Mikey’s age, and a younger sister Kaylee’s age. They are all good friends. Today was supposed to be their “Macaroni and Cheese” fest, but Mason is sick with a stomach virus that seems to being going around the French school. Nathan and his sisters told us that the one thing they missed eating from the U.S was Macaroni and Cheese. My mom sent over several boxes so we thought we would share. We have rescheduled the feeding frenzy for next Wednesday.
Our house is close to a large store that sells a wide range of things. It’s not a Walmart Supercenter, but it will do. We can get most things we need there. Occasionally, Mike and I will walk (or slide) down the hill and through the woods to pick up this or that in the evenings. We enjoy the walk. It is a tradition for one of the children to make the trek with us. A snowball fight usually occurs on the way home, as we try to make it up the hill, slipping and sliding as we go. By the time we get home I am usually completely out of breathe from laughing and trying, unsuccessfully, outrun Mike and his snowballs.
Each day God gives us is precious. “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, ‘The Lord is my portion: therefore I will wait for him.’ The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.” Lamentations 3:22-26
Kris
Update: Monday, December 26, 2005
Our journey continues…in Olsztyn, Poland. We arrived in Poland on December 1, 2005; exactly two years, to the day, from my diagnosis. It seems a fitting date to embark on a new adventure. Over the past two years, we have been following God down a path filled with unmatched blessings and pain. Expecting the unexpected has become a way of life for us. Each member of our family is challenged to accept, with faith, whatever God places in front of us. Our journey of faith, truly trusting God for everything, even my very life, is not an isolated event to get through and then to put behind us. Rather, I believe God has been preparing our hearts and minds to live the rest of our lives actively believing Him, not just believing in Him. In the few short weeks we have been here, our faith and reliance on God has been tested and increased. I can truly see His hand working in our lives and in the lives of others around us. As Mike and I look back over recent events, we see how all of our past experiences, the people we know, and the places we lived are all woven together into a beautiful tapestry; each string tightly connected to the next. As we all know, viewing a tapestry from a distance provides a clear picture, as hind sight is twenty-twenty. The hard part is watching each stitch being placed into the tapestry at close range and understanding that the stitches (or each day’s events) aren’t the whole, but rather just a part of a larger picture. Each experience can seem disconnected from the whole. Through God’s graciousness, He is allowing us to view each day’s events in the scope of a larger picture. We excitedly wait and watch to see what God will weave into our lives next.
It has been so long since my last update and I want to share so much from our hearts and lives. One of our first difficult steps of faith in our decision to move here involves our house in South Carolina. We didn’t quite know what to do with it. Should we rent it or leave it empty. God placed on my heart the vision of allowing someone in need of a home to stay for free in our house. That was a great idea in theory, but where would I find such a person. In faith, I prayed and asked God that since this was His idea, He would need to provide the person, without my searching. A week or so later one of our elders, out of the blue, mentioned he heard of a family that had to move out of their home due to financial reasons. I immediately knew that God had provided the family. Now, even though God provided the idea and the family, His biggest task was still ahead…helping me surrender completely to His will and live out what I believe the scriptures teach. After making my intentions known to others, I was met with pretty much the same comments, “Are you sure? What if they damage something? You need to protect your stuff.” The battle within me raged. Every time I tried to explain those and other arguments to God, His Spirit brought scripture after scripture to mind. Scriptures like, “Treat others they way you would like to be treated,” “Give to him who asks you,” “Do not turn away from him who wants to borrow from you,” “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth where moth and rust can destroy and thieves can break in and steal. But store up treasures in Heaven,” “But when you give a reception, invite the poor and you will be blessed since they do not have the means to repay you, for you will be repaid at the resurrection,” “Go, sell all you have and give to the poor,” “Give and it will be given to you. They will pour into your lap a good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over,” “Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of mine, even the least of them, you did it to me.” This is where the rubber meets the road. Did I really believe God and all His words, or did I simply believe in Him? I chose to believe Him. Well, I should say that I am choosing to believe Him. It is not a “done deal” in my heart or mind. Human reasoning keeps creeping into my mind, challenging my faith and my will. The evil one would like me to fall flat on my face, but I am determined to let Jesus reign in this. A few nights ago I received a call from my father that someone had broken into our workshop. After finding out that a member of the family staying in our house did this, I felt so angry and betrayed. I wanted them out. It was my “right” to kick them out. I actually went as far as to tell them to be out in one week, but I didn’t sleep well that night. I did not feel at peace. Not with the whole situation, but with my decision to evict. I realized that it’s one thing to “trust” God with my house when everything is fine; it was another thing to really trust Him when something went wrong. The possessions I thought I relinquished to God, I was ready to take back. One of the reasons I wanted to lend my house to this family was in the hope they would come to know Jesus. So, I asked myself, “What would Jesus do in this situation?” During this time, God provided me with the opportunity to discuss this situation with a new friend I made in Olsztyn. She, like others, thought I am being taken advantage of. At this point in our conversation I was able to share with her my faith in Jesus. I shared that my actions must be pleasing to God. I told her how Jesus has forgiven me for all the wrong things I have done. It all became clear to me as I spoke. I knew what Jesus would do. I knew because of what He has already done. He stretched out His arms and allowed nails to be driven into His hands for those who would not care about the sacrifice He made. How could I expect this family or anyone God puts in my path, to understand Jesus’ love, forgiveness, mercy, and grace if I, who profess to be a follower of Christ, act nothing like Him? I told my friend about my decision to let them stay and the reasons why and she said, looking a bit stunned, “You have convinced me. You are doing what is right. This is a hard thing.” She’s right. This is a hard thing. I jokingly asked Mike, “Why does everything that God uses to increase our faith take such faith?” May God always receive the glory for all the actions of His children.
Do we have time for a few more stories? I have many more…some good, some bad. But, as always, we are persuaded that God works all things for good for those who love him and are called according to His purpose. As I said earlier, we arrived on Thursday, December 1st. A driver met us at the airport and took us to our hotel. We were all hungry so we went downstairs into the hotel restaurant. The waitress did not speak English so we muddled through in Polish…thanking God for the lessons we were given before our arrival. When the food arrived we realized, “Toto, we aren’t in Kansas anymore.” The older boys ordered hamburgers; harmless enough, right? They came slathered in some chucky sauce, and an herb garnish Mikey refers to as a pine branch. There was ketchup, not in the hamburger, but squeezed on the outside of the bun. Inside the bun, in addition to the meat and sauce, were several slices of fresh cucumbers. I was impressed at how well the children tried to make the best of it. We all left the table a bit hungry that night. Everywhere else we have eaten, though, has been extremely delicious.
We received a phone call from Mike’s family on December 6th letting us know of his sister Debbie’s death. She had been battling cancer for four and a half years. She leaves behind her husband Dewey and her daughter Aurora. She was such an inspiration to me in my fight with cancer as I know she was to hundreds of others. She will be greatly missed. Mike left on Wednesday to be in France with his family. The memorial service was on Saturday and he returned on Sunday. It was strange being here without him. Pressures and stresses continue to flow, but God is faithfully holding us in His hands.
The children love the snow here. They have made snow angels, snowmen, snow forts, and had snowball fights. Yes, they even get to shovel the sidewalk and driveway. Recently the boys were invited over to a French boy’s house where they went sledding on a nearby hill. As for the French contacts; Michelin is a French company, so many of the management in the Polish plant are from France. The boys have been studying French as in January they will begin attending a French school provided by Michelin. They will receive two hours a day of French language study, two hours of “American studies from their home school material,” sports twice a week with the Polish and French students, and then two hours of listening to other classes in French. Kaylee is already attending a Polish pre-school (they don’t begin “school” until the age of 7). She is making friends and learning a little Polish.
I began official Polish lessons on Tuesday of this week. My unofficial Polish lessons have come through events that happen each day. One day as I was driving home I hit a curb with my back tire. I didn’t think anything of it until I left that evening to go to a meeting with the head master of the French school. I got to the bottom of our hill, turned the corner then realized my rear tire was flat. Kaylee and I walked home, in the rain, and tried to get a hold of anyone to help. Mike didn’t have an office number yet and no one else was at their phones. I did get a hold of the head master and she came out to my house for the meeting. Mike called during the meeting and asked if I could help him by bringing his passport up to work. I about cried. He came home in a taxi and had to go straight back to work. When the meeting was over I walked down the hill to the tire store that is not far from where the rental car with the flat was parked. No one at the shop spoke English so hence the Polish lesson. I was able to get one of the employees to walk with me and change my tire. They did not have a matching tire so they ordered one for me. I was pleased that I was able to get that much done by myself. While Mike was in France, I went car shopping with an employee of Michelin who speaks English. The next week I had to look at a few other places and I was able to find them myself and communicate well enough in Polish with the dealers. These are just small accomplishments, but they help make me feel better. I truly feel like a child here. I don’t understand most of the signs, I don’t understand the way things work and I don’t understand most of what is said. It is a humbling way to live.
After dropping Kaylee off at school last week, half of my key set dropped off into the snow. I didn’t realize it until I got home. I turned around, praying all the way back. I was able to find my keys, mostly buried in the snow! I praised God all the way home. I knew it was a little thing, but I felt so cared for. Well, that evening the kids wanted to go to Pizza Hut for dinner. After eating we returned home. It was then I realized I left my purse in the restaurant. Again, praying all the way we returned to the restaurant. Going through my mind was the song Kaylee and I had been listening to “When I am afraid I will trust in You, in God whose word I praise.” I knew that God helped me with my keys and I knew He could help me with my purse…with many important documents in it. If not, I knew it would be ok. Well, I walked up to the counter and the girl who had taken our order smiled and said, “Yes, yes, yes.” Another worker looked over at me and brought out my purse, everything safe and sound. What a great opportunity to share with the children about God’s provision in our lives. I shared with them my fears and the scriptures I used to quiet those fears.
Mike is working in a plant where people speak Polish or French. There are a few who speak English, but it is not the norm. I can’t imagine what that would be like. His boss only speaks French. How is that for a challenge? I am always amazed by his abilities and his calmness in stressful situations. He relies completely on God for his strength.
God gave us a great gift. Michelin put us up in a hotel when we first arrived. The plan was to stay for a few days and then move to another furnished temporary location until our shipment arrived. We were bracing ourselves to live out of suitcases for several weeks without a place to wash our clothes. But, they told us they couldn’t find a place to fit us so they made arrangements for our house to be temporarily furnished and allowed us to move in just three days after arriving. What a blessing. The thought of unpacking into a temporary place just to pack up again only to unpack once more was making me feel faint.
Another blessing was the speed in which our shipment arrived. We were warned that it might take six weeks for our things to come. What a surprise it was when we received our shipment after only two weeks; on Mike’s birthday no less. With the shipment came much work. The movers worked from 5:30 p.m. until 10:00 p.m. removing the old furniture and bringing in our furniture and boxes. We unpacked what we could in between checking box numbers with the packing list. By the end of the night I hurt all over. I fell into bed exhausted. Mike was up early the next morning unpacking. I reluctantly joined him, after a cup of coffee. We worked for four hour unpacking before the movers returned. We spent the next four hours putting away the things the movers unpacked. By four o’clock, the kitchen was pilled high with dishes, pots and pans, glasses, vases, and other miscellaneous items. While Mike was working in the rest of the house, I had the job of removing all temporary dishes originally in the house, packing them up and then finding places for all of our things. I was overwhelmed, tired, and my back and legs were aching. I sat there trying to summons up the energy to start when one of the movers, who knew I was recovering from a transplant because he saw a picture of me bald and asked about it, told me that he called his mother and asked her to come over to help me. I couldn’t believe me ears. She arrived and helped me for about three hours, finishing up by mopping the floors the movers dirtied with their muddy boots. She didn’t speak English so, another Polish lesson for me. I enjoyed our time together. She even said that she would come over some time and teach me to cook some Polish dishes. Her son also gave me the phone number of his massage therapist. It is amazing to see how God is providing us with contacts we never would have made on our own.
We purchased a car the week before Christmas. It is a six seat Fiat. I’ve never seen anything like it before. It is in between a mini van and a car. It is sufficient family and we are thankful to have it.
Please pray that we will be faithful in joining God in His purposes and His work here in Poland. Thank you for your notes, thoughts and prayers. May God bless you as you serve Him in the coming year.
Kris
Update: Friday, October 7, 2005
It is with praise and thanksgiving that I make this update. September 24th marked the one year anniversary of returning home from Seattle. It is amazing the difference in how I feel in just one year. I am feeling so well that Mike has accepted a new position within Michelin. It has been a dream of ours, since returning from Serbia seventeen years ago, to return to Eastern Europe and be able to share Jesus. After returning from Seattle healthy, we felt like a new chapter in our life was to begin. Michael and I prayed for direction, guidance and faith to do what we were called to do, when we were called to do it. God has given us that direction and at the same time, given us the desires of our heart. In December, our family will be moving to Olsztyn, Poland for three years. I praise God for giving us the opportunity to serve Him there. There is much to do in preparation, but we are making progress and we are all excited, even the children. Please join us in praying that God will prepare our hearts and the hearts of those in Poland He will put in our lives.
Kris
Update: Tuesday, July 12, 2005
There are times I causally look back on my transplant experience and think, “That wasn’t too bad.” Now, don’t go thinking I’m crazy. I know that if you ask anyone who was there with me they will tell you a completely different story, one bearing a much clearer picture of the truth. And yes, if I read back through my journal, I remember the times I suffered so greatly and I can’t get through the memories without crying. (To be honest, it is hard for me to look back; I prefer to forget most of it) but let me continue. Now that I am feeling well, I don’t think about the pain I experienced. It is similar to the selective forgetfulness in giving birth. The birthing process is painful, but once it’s over, the pain fades and we forget how bad it was; and do it all over again. Well, the other day I was reminded of the trauma I endured in a strange way. I went to the dentist to have a cracked tooth filled. His assistant numbed up my gums before he gave me the shot of Novocain. It worked, but not completely. As the doctor gave me the first shot, I felt the pain and the sting from the medicine and had a flashback. Many transplant patients suffer from “Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome,” but I did not understand what that was until that day. I was instantly transported back in my mind to my hospital bed in Seattle and it was too much for me. I began trembling inside, my body started shaking and I began crying. I’m not sure when I had last felt so much anxiety. I didn’t have to tell my doctor something was wrong, it was rather obvious. Thankfully they were understanding and patiently gave me the time I needed to calm down. What an experience that was. It is just another reminder of how much God has brought me through. I know that it is only through his grace that I am here.
Oh, how blessed I am. Not that I am well, that is not what I mean. I would now count myself blessed if I still had leukemia. I pray that no matter what my circumstances, I will always understand that I am truly blessed. I have been struggling with some thoughts recently, but feel God has helped me in my understanding. My struggle was this: I began thinking, “God blessed me by healing my physical body.” The problem with that line of thinking… right now, several people whom I love are suffering terribly with cancer. And one friend, whom I know only through emails, is losing her fight against cancer as I write this. I began feeling guilty for surviving and I wondered how my testimony about God’s greatness would fall on the ears of those still suffering to the point of death. These questions came to me. Are they any less blessed? Were there any less prayers uttered for them? Does God think their lives are any less valuable? The answers to these questions are no, no, NO! God made the error in my thinking clear. One thing that helped me through this was a sermon a few weeks ago. The text was Mark 2: 1-12. (I would love for you to read it.) This is when Jesus heals the paralytic man who was brought to Him by four men and lowered down through the roof of a house where Jesus was teaching. It says in verse 5, “When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, ‘Son, your sins are forgiven.’” Then in verse 9 he says, “Which is easier to say to the paralytic, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Get up, take your mat and walk’? But that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins…’ He said to the paralytic, ‘I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home.’ He got up, took his mat and walked out in full view of them all. This amazed everyone and they praised God, saying, ‘We have never seen anything like this.” The point made was this: What is the “harder” or greatest thing done by Jesus here? Was it the healing of the body? No. That is the simple healing. That is also the temporal healing. No one is getting out of here alive, unless of course, Jesus comes again during our lifetime. (Let it be so!) The more difficult and lasting healing that took place in this story (and in our lives) is the spiritual healing, the forgiveness of our sins. When I say difficult I don’t mean it is difficult for us to receive it. In fact, Jesus has made it easily available to anyone who believes. I mean it was not easy or cheap for God. It cost Jesus his life. When all is said and done, if I had to choose physical healing or spiritual healing, I would choose the spiritual. That is how I am blessed. That is how those I love who are suffering with cancer are blessed. That is how all believers are equally blessed. We were and are continually blessed by God because of the forgiveness of sins. THIS is the testimony I am called to give about God’s greatness. Not that my leukemia is gone, but rather that my sins are gone. We should be amazed, not when someone is physically healed, but when God heals us spiritually by removing the sin that cripples us. That miracle is available to all men, praise His name.
May you glory in God’s greatness,
Kris
Update: Sunday, June 19, 2005
I am home and…drum roll please…I am well! What a fantastic meeting we had with the doctors on Thursday. 100% of my myeloid cells are Mason’s, not mine. That is good news. It was my myeloid cells that had the leukemia, so I want his healthy cells, not mine. At this moment there is no trace of leukemia or any graph verses host disease in my body. My immune system is diminished, but working. Most of my restrictions have been lifted and I enjoyed hugging everyone I could get my hands on at church. This Friday marks one year from my transplant. I am praising God for his mercy and healing.
While in Seattle last year, I lived downtown. My caregivers and I would walk around the neighborhood for exercise whenever physically possible. Located two blocks down from our apartment was a vacant corner lot under construction. A temporary chain link fence kept passersby out of the area, for it was a dangerous place to be. Heavy equipment sat among the rubble of some ancient building, promising the possibility of change. Posted on the fence was a drawing of the park planned for this location. It was a beautiful plan, but after looking at the condition of the site, it seemed the completion of these plans would be challenging. So much work had to be done. Enormous broken pieces of concrete had to be cleared. Rocks and garbage had to be hauled away. Good soil was definitely needed, by the truckload. It was a mess, but someone had a plan, a purpose, and a vision as to what this empty lot could be.
Just last week Mike and I again walked those same Seattle streets and came upon that corner lot. As we approached, the sound of children’s laughter filled the air. There, standing in place of the bulldozer, was playground equipment crawling with children. The plans were completed. The lot is now fulfilling the purpose of its design. The park would never have been completed if the work had not been done. I feel a strange connection with that corner, both physically and spiritually. Last year both of us were in the pains of construction and change; the corner, by way of bulldozers and cranes and me, by way of a bone marrow transplant and God. Now here we are one year later, and after much construction the park is complete. My leukemia is in remission. But, unlike the park and the cancer, God’s work on my heart is ongoing. I praise God for what he has accomplished in my life this past year. I praise Him that He can use any means necessary to draw me close to Him and show me His power and might.
This lesson doesn’t have to be for me alone. There are areas in all of our lives that need to be cleaned up and rebuilt, just like that corner. God, seeing our mess, develops a plan, a purpose and a vision for what our lives can be. “For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Ephesians 2:10. We are in the hands of God. Sometimes the work is painful, but always it is for our ultimate good. I am reminded of the scripture in Jeremiah 18. “So I went down to the potter’s house, and I saw him working at the wheel. But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him. Then the word of the Lord came to me; ‘Can I not do with you as this potter does?’ declares the Lord. ‘Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand.’”
I am thankful to be in the Lord’s hands. I want to encourage each of you to look at your circumstances as opportunities to grow and be shaped by God. Sometimes the construction process takes longer than we like, and hurts more than we care to bear. But, God has “posted” Christ on our hearts and is ever working to mold us into His image.
Kris
Update: Thursday, June 16, 2005
I am sitting in the waiting room again, waiting. This will be my last appointment here at the clinic; for this year anyway. By the time I walk out of here I should have a pretty good idea of where things stand as far as the leukemia goes. I fully expect them to be amazed at how well I am doing. That is my prayer anyway.
Yesterday was a hard day for me. I think I can say, beyond a shadow of a doubt, I know what it feels like to be a pin cushion. I counted up all the times I've been stuck with a needle over the last three days and counted thirteen. The last five were yesterday, one right after the other. I had to receive my "baby shots" since I'm just about a year old now. The nurse started with one on my "back side", then one in each thigh muscle. Each one hurt something fierce. Next was a painless shot in the back of my right arm, followed by the "mother" of all shots in my left shoulder. Well, that one put me over the edge. My head started spinning and I thought I was going to loose my lunch all over their clean floor. The nurse laid me down, put a cold wash cloth on my forehead, and gave me the pink "barf bucket" that I had become so close to last year. I asked her if this was normal and she said, "No, I've been doing this for over seven years and everybody handles it just fine." "Well," I said, "with me, abnormal is normal." I am still feeling the effects of the shots today. I limp when I walk due to the pain in my thighs and it is difficult to lay on my left side to sleep (my favorite side). It's kind of funny actually. With my hip still hurting from the bone marrow aspiration, the pain in my thighs and my arm, there is not much about moving that is very comfortable. I know I must be amusing to watch...never a dull moment.
We have had a great time visiting with my family here and last night we were able to visit with an old friend from "back home". This has made being here much more enjoyable. Mike and I are both ready to be home with our kids, though. We leave tomorrow morning and will be home by their bedtime.
Thank you for your prayers. I will try to update after this appointment if I get the chance or I will when I return home.
Kris
Update: Tuesday, June 14, 2005
Hello from Seattle. I just finished my pulmonary function test and have a couple of hours until I begin my next round of tests. We arrived here on Saturday to beautiful weather. Rain was forcasted for this entire week, but so far our days have been sunny, but cool. Quite a nice change from the hot, humid weather of South Carolina. Sunday we spent all day with my family. After morning services, we all went to Rod and Trina's house for lunch. Rod is one of my cousins. As always, Trina outdid herself. Everything was delicious and she remembered my favorite dishes and prepared them for me. I have been lovingly spoiled. It was great being able to relax and visit the whole day.
I have to share a story with you about Kenny, Rod and Trina's five year old son. He has such a sweet spirit. As we were waiting for lunch to be ready, Kenny came up to me and told me how he prays for me everyday. Then he went on to say, "I know I am young and just a little boy, but if you were going to die right now and I would give you my life so you can live. I want you to have your life." The tenderness of his heart touched me so deeply. What an angel.
Yesterday was my first day to return to the clinic. As soon as it came into view, I started having butterflies in my stomach. It feels strange being here...healthy. As I sat in the blood draw waiting room I saw a woman there, bald and looking tired. It brought back so many memories. It again caused me to remember the distance God has brought me during this past year. When I was in her shoes, I didn't feel like I would ever make it to the other side, yet here I sit, one year past transplant, praising God for his power, mercy and love. Being here also reminds me of the love poured out onto me and my family during the past year and a half. I am reminded of the sacrifices so many people made to help us. Thank you all for allowing God to use you to be a blessing to us.
I had my bone marrow aspiration yesterday. I was sedated, but Mike said it went well. I was able to walk around the Seattle Center (the Space Needle area) in the afternoon without much discomfort at all. My head felt pretty foggy the rest of day, though. I have a bit of a sore throat this morning. I will talk to the doctors about it, but I am sure that it is the change is weather. Going from hot to cold does have its effects. I will update again when I get the results from these tests.
Thank you all for your prayers.
Kris
Update: Tuesday, June 7, 2005
This is my second attempt in writing this update. I had almost completed an update when an error popped up on my computer and I lost what I had written. I sat for a moment and almost decided not to rewrite it. But, here I go again. If you are reading this…it worked.
God has worked in my body in wonderful ways since my last update. About three weeks ago I turned a corner and have not looked back. I feel great…fantastic…like me. I have missed “me” while I have been so ill. My energy level is back, most of it anyway, and I am enjoying doing things again. I actually did a face lift on the children’s bathroom and it looks great. Mason liked it so much he told me, “I think I will use your bathroom from now on so I don’t mess this one up.”
Mike and I are flying out to Seattle on Saturday. It is time for my one year follow up appointment at the transplant center. One year. It is hard to believe. (My official new birthday is June 24th and Mike is planning a big “birthday” party for me.) While we are in Seattle, Mikey and Matthew will be at Palmetto Bible Camp and Mason and Kaylee will be here with my mom. I would appreciate your prayers for us and the children while we are separated. I think the idea of us being away from them and being back in Seattle is a little hard for the children. It has been a long year and because the children have done so well I forget the toll that it took on them emotionally. God has brought them through, but not without some pretty deep scars.
I have an important prayer request for all the prayer warriors out there. My sister-in-law, Debbie, who has been battling cancer for over four years, is having serious complications with her health right now. Please be praying that God will touch her body and heal her today and that her husband and daughter will be filled with the peace only Jesus can give.
I will praise you, O Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonders. I will be glad and rejoice in you; I will sing praise to your name, O Most High. The Lord reigns forever; he has established his throne for judgment. He will judge the world in righteousness; he will govern the peoples with justice. The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you. Psalm 9:1-2, 8-10
Kris
Update: Wednesday, April 27, 2005
It is way past time for an update; so what else is new? I have been back to church this month and it is wonderful! The first time we were on our way in, I actually had butterflies in my stomach. I was just that excited. I am still not able to hug or shake hands, but it is great singing with everyone and talking with “family” again. One thing that is a bit different since I’ve been back is I can not partake of the weekly communion from the same trays everyone uses. I have to bring in my own. Touching the trays everyone else touches would be like me shaking hands with everyone…too many germs.
I have finished all my Prednisone and have completed my immune suppression drug, Cyclosporine, this month as well. I am having a few symptoms that are consistent with GVHD, but it is not bad enough at this point to do anything about it. I am actually looking forward to my “One Year” visit in Seattle in June. Before returning home from there, I should have a really good handle on the status of my disease, my GVHD, and just my general recovery prognosis. I should also have an updated list of dos and don’ts.
Mike is leaving on Friday, along with his mom and two of his sisters, for California. They will be spending the weekend there with Debbie, one of his sisters who has been battling cancer for many years now. She is in a lot of pain at this time and they felt they needed to be with her. I am so glad he is able to go, though he will be greatly missed here. Please add Debbie to your prayers, we really want and need God to intervene in her life right now.
I am still lacking energy and needing a nap almost every day. The difficult part to this is just coming to terms that this is just the way it is. I guess, deep down, I still feel like I should have the energy I had before the leukemia and adjusting to “not being able to do everything” is frustrating. The verse “Be still and now that I am God” comes to mind. I struggled with “being still” before and now that I don’t have a choice, I still struggle with it. If I wasn’t so thick headed, I think God would have an easier time working through me.
Thank you for your continued thoughts, prayers and emails.
Kris
Update: Friday, April 1, 2005
I want to apologize to those who have gone to my website so faithfully and have been disappointed that I have not updated in so long. I am sorry about my lack of communication.
On the whole, I am doing quite well. I just finished a round of antibiotics for my sinus infection and feel much better. I am in my final week of Prednisone. My last dose will be on April 8th. I will also be finishing up the last of my immune suppression drugs as well. If all goes as hoped, this will be the last bit of trouble from my Graph verses Host Disease. If not, I will probably feel it in my stomach by the end of April or May. I am not dwelling on that possibility, but I’m not sticking my head in the sand about it either. I know that God will help me through, whatever happens.
I thought I wasn’t going to have a vegetable garden this year because I’m not able to “play” in the dirt, but Matthew, my middle son, decided he wanted to plant and take care of one. So, with my guidance, Matthew helped prepare the soil and he planted seeds and a few plants. In a couple of months, we will be enjoying quite a variety of yummy vegetables. What a treat for me!
I have some happy news. I am going to be able to go back to church soon. I am planning on attending on Sunday, April 10th. I can hardly believe the time has finally arrived. It has been such a long wait and being apart from my church family has been so difficult for me. So, praise God with me for this wonderful blessing. (For those in Lexington: I know it will be hard, but please remember that I still cannot shake hands or give out hugs. Also, if you think you are sick or have been exposed to someone who is, please do not come to close to me. Thank you for helping me stay safe.)
There is a song that I have grown to love over the past year. God has taught me that He is worthy to be praised regardless of the circumstances in my life and the following song describes how I feel.
“Blessed Be Your Name”
Blessed be your name in a land that is plentiful where your streams of abundance flow, blessed be your name. Blessed be your name when I’m found in the desert place though I walk through the wilderness, blessed be your name. Blessed be your name when the sun’s shining down on me when the world’s “all as it should be,” blessed be your name. Blessed be your name on a road marked with suffering though there’s pain in the offering, blessed be your name. Every blessing you pour out I turn back to praise. When the darkness closes in Lord, still I will say, blessed be the name of the Lord, blessed be your name. Blessed be the name of the Lord, blessed be your glorious name. You give and take away, you give and take away. My heart will choose to say, “Lord, blessed be your name."
Bless His name with me today.
Kris
Update: Wednesday, March 9, 2005
I have sat down several time to write but never seemed able to finish a thought. My level of concentration is not at its highest point right now. I am feeling well, though. Eating is not a problem now, which may become a problem if I don’t slow down. My energy level is good right now so I am able to teach without become too tired; that is truly a blessing. I received an email from my mom this morning that contained the following story. I thought it was worth sharing here. Enjoy!
Years ago a farmer owned land along the Atlantic seacoast. He constantly advertised for hired hands. Most people were reluctant to work on farms along the Atlantic. They dreaded the awful storms that raged across the Atlantic, wreaking havoc on the buildings and crops. As the farmer interviewed applicants for the job, he received a steady stream of refusals.
Finally, a short, thin man, well past middle age, approached the farmer. "Are you a good farmhand?" the farmer asked him. "Well, I can sleep when the wind blows," answered the little man. Although puzzled by this answer, the farmer, desperate for help, hired
him. The little man worked well around the farm, busy from dawn to dusk, and the farmer felt satisfied with the man's work.
Then one night the wind howled loudly in from offshore. Jumping out of bed, the farmer grabbed a lantern and rushed next door to the hired hand's sleeping quarters. He shook the little man and yelled, "Get up! A storm is coming! Tie things down before they blow away!" The little man rolled over in bed and said firmly, "No sir. I told you, I can sleep when the wind blows."
Enraged by the response, the farmer was tempted to fire him on the spot. Instead, he hurried outside to prepare for the storm. To his amazement, he discovered that all of the haystacks had been covered with tarps. The cows were in the barn, the chickens were in the coops, and the doors were barred. The shutters were tightly secured. Everything was tied down. Nothing could blow away. The farmer then understood what his hired hand meant, so he returned to his bed to also sleep while the wind blew.
MORAL: When you're prepared, spiritually, mentally and physically, you have nothing to fear. Can you sleep when the wind blows through your life? The hired hand in the story was able to sleep because he had secured the farm against the storm.
We, as believers in Christ, secure ourselves against the storms of life by grounding ourselves in the Word of God. We don't need to understand, we just need to hold His hand to have peace in the midst of the storms.
I hope you sleep well!
Kris
Update: Tuesday, February 22, 2005
It has been about two weeks since I’ve updated my journal, but not too much has been happening. I began taking Prednisone for my acute Graph Versus Host Disease on February 4th. My stomach began feeling better within a few days, through my eating did not pick up for about a week. I have not responded to the drug like I did in Seattle, wanting to eat everything in sight. I am eating the best I can, but it’s not enough to put back on any of my lost weight. In fact, I have been feeling sick (stomach and sinuses) the past three days and have dropped a little lower. My energy level is very low right now but I am still able to get school done with the kids. Yesterday, I was able to make it through because my mom came over to help and I had the kids bring their work to me in bed. On the positive side, I had been feeling better for two weeks. So, I am hoping this is just a “bug” that will pass and I will get back to feeling good again.
Jesus said, “I tell you, my friends, do not be afraid of those who kill the body and after that can do no more. But I will show you whom you should fear: Fear him who, after the killing of the body, has power to throw you into hell. Yes, I tell you, fear him. Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. I tell you, whoever acknowledges me before men, the Son of Man will also acknowledge him before the angels of God.” Luke 12:4-8
Kris
Update: Wednesday, February 9, 2005
As I was preparing to write this update I looked back over the past several months of my journal to see what I shared, not wanting to give duplicate information. I realized there was hardly a fear of that since I didn’t write much. The months since I have been home have been difficult. I have been fighting fatigue and nausea while trying to school the children and care for their needs. Michael has been the glue that has held this family together. From the time we returned from Seattle he started right in with the cleaning, cooking, laundry, and taking care of the kids when he gets home from work. God has given him an extra dose of energy and patience. I have been slowly able to help with these things, too.
Emotionally it has been a difficult several months as I was suffering so badly but the doctors here didn’t know what to do for me. The local pathologists didn’t recognize my GVHD (lack of experience I guess) so doctors were at a loss as how to help me. I waited for two months for my Gastro doc to send the pathology slides to Seattle for their review. I’m not sure what the hold up was, but I am thankful that it was finally done. During that time it was “suggested” to me by my Gastro doc that this all may just be in my head. I don’t know if anyone out there has experienced this before or not; but it is one of the most frustrating things. When all else fails, if an answer can’t be found right away; it’s all in the patient’s head. Thankfully, Seattle received the slides and their pathologist was immediately able to identify the GVHD in my stomach and intestines. Finally, a diagnosis was given; acute GVHD. This is the good news I mentioned last time. The treatment protocol for acute GVHD is about one month of Prednisone verses 1-2 years of anti-immune drugs if it was chronic. I still am praying that this is the correct diagnosis and treatment. I guess once I come off this medicine and if the symptoms return we will know it is a little more serious.
One of the known side effects with this medication is irritability. I don’t remember having this when I took it in Seattle, but I feel like I’ve been invaded by a “mean alien.” I have put myself in “time out” once today and brought my Bible study along with me. This is a yucky feeling…just like I want to snap at everyone. I have explained to my children that this is a reaction to the meds but that it doesn’t give mommy the right to snap. I have asked for their forgiveness several times today already. If this doesn’t lighten up my kids may get an early Spring Break from school.
Through all of the ups and downs of the past several months there has been one important constant; God’s faithfulness to me. I honestly don’t know how I would have made it through these times without Him. He is faithful to His promises and He is faithful to His servants (He is even faithful to this poor grumpy soul who wants so much to be cheerful.) The poem “Footprints” just came into my mind. I haven’t thought about that sweet story for a long time. You know the one I’m referring to. A man is looking back on his life and sees the footprints he and Jesus make as they travel through life together. At the hard times, the man notices that there is only one set of footprints and he ask Jesus why He would have left him at those times. Jesus gently reminds the man that He had not left him, He was carrying him. I know that for me, as I look back over my life, but especially over this past year, I remember the struggles and pain I’ve gone through and I see how Jesus carried me through each one. Though it is emotionally painful to think about some of my struggles, it is so helpful to me in the building up of my faith. We all have struggles and painful experiences in our lives. We have all gone through times when it was only because of Jesus carrying us that we made it through certain events. This may be an uncomfortable exercise, but I invite you to take some time and think about these things and thank God that He was there. As the song says, “Count your blessings; see what God has done.” Praise Him…He is worthy of our praise!
Kris
Update: Saturday, February 5, 2005
I do have an update and it is good news; but I’m not going to fill you in at this very moment. I will get to that tomorrow. Just know that I have started taking Prednisone and feel better already. Right now I want to tell a funny story about Kaylee and our Bible reading that I keep forgetting to write.
After we returned from Seattle we started a new tradition. Before anyone gets up from the table, we read a chapter of the Bible together every night after dinner. Darrell and Lucrecia did this with the children and we decided to continue it. We are working our way through the New Testament and last month we were in Romans. I remember thinking as we began this book, “I think this is a little over their heads.” I was, of course thinking of the older kids, “knowing” Kaylee wouldn’t catch a thing. So, after dinner one night, Mike read Romans chapter 7. This is the chapter that contains Paul’s famous words, “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me.” For some reason, I don’t remember why at the moment, we didn’t have the time to discuss the chapter like we normally do to explain any difficult concepts. We all just left the table after the reading. Later in the evening I asked Kaylee to get ready for bed and to clean up the toys and costumes in her room. When I went into her room to put her to bed a short while later, there were her toys on the floor mixed up with all of her costumes. She had books on her bed and she had taken pictures off her walls. I scolded her and asked her, “Why didn’t you obey Mommy?” She hung her head and said in reply, “I don’t know, Mommy. I do the things I don’t want to do and I don’t do the things I want to do!” I could not believe my ears. I had to leave her room and laugh. Now remember, Kaylee is only four and a half. I wonder, do you think maybe the Bible is actually easy to understand if you have a pure heart and it is us adults who make it difficult when we try to make the Bible say what we want it to say? Curious isn’t it?
Kris
Update: Thursday, January 27, 2005
I just got off the phone with Seattle. They finally received the slides from my December biopsies and had a chance to review them. Those reading the results locally were incorrect; I do in fact have chronic GVHD. This information hasn’t sunk in entirely yet. The recommendation is for me to go back up to a full dose of Cyclosporine, my immune suppression drug (I have almost completely tapered off) for at least another year. I was told that the average time to treat chronic GVHD is 3 to 5 years. I can’t accept that right now. It is difficult enough to think of another year. The presence of Graph Verses Host Disease means my immune system is not and will not function properly until the GVHD is cleared up. I am to immediately start taking my antibiotics once a day, every day, instead of just on Monday and Tuesday to prevent infections. This news and their recommendations are a bit overwhelming. It means I have to continue following the same rules about being safe like I have been doing since transplant. (I need to learn to love the smell of bleach!) It means I won’t be going to our “Ladies Retreat” in March, and it also means no more gardening (one of my loves) until I’m off Cyclosporine. I am going to have to train my children to take care of my gardens or they will look terrible by the time this is over. I did get permission to go to church even though it is on the “no-no list” once the flu season is over, as long as people don’t touch me. I told them I couldn’t go another year, or more, without being able to be at church. This diagnosis hits hard because I was psyching myself up to make it under these stringent guidelines for just two more months and now I don’t know when it end. Please pray that I don’t let the devil get a foothold into my heart and cause discouragement to grow. Thank you for all the encouragement you send my way. God has truly blessed me through you all.
Kris
Update: Wednesday, January 26, 2005
I have felt pretty good the past three days which makes me suspicious; something must be up. I felt good enough to start school on Monday with a “Silly String” fight. I like to get things off on the right foot, you know. I was worn out by the end of the day, but I didn’t feel too sick. Tuesday I started out queasy, but after 9:00 a.m. I was fine. Today was the best day yet. I had a BLT for lunch and ate the whole thing. I don’t even remember the last time I was able to eat that much. In the past months the most number of good days I have had in a row has been two, followed by a week or more of bad days. I am very anxious to see if this good feeling will continue.
I have a specific prayer request. Seattle has been involved in my care, working with my local doctors, trying to find out the reason I have been so sick. Today they called and suggested that I fly to Seattle and be seen by them February 22-25th (they had a cancellation so there is an opening to be seen). Of course this comes on a week that I’m feeling better. I don’t know what I should do. I want to throw out Gideon’s fleece and get a specific answer. If I am actually turning the corner and will continue to get better I don’t want to spend the money, time, effort, etc. to fly out there. On the other hand, I know if I start feeling bad again I will always wonder if they could have done something to help. We are praying, and you can join us, that the answer will be crystal clear by Monday when I have to give Seattle an answer.
Glory in His holy name; Let the heart of those who seek the Lord be glad. Seek the Lord and His strength; Seek His face continually. Remember His wonders which He has done, His marvels and the judgments uttered by His mouth. Psalm 105:3-5
Kris
Update: Monday, January 24, 2005
I’m not sure if anyone will read this. I figure most have given up on looking for new updates. This “recovery” period is taking its toll on me physically. I am not able to eat much so I have lost a lot of weight. The poor nutrition is probably playing a role in my fatigue at the present time. There have been more tests to uncover what the problem is, but no answers.
I will share part of an email I received from our friend in Texas because I believe this is true for all of us and we can all receive some encouragement from it.
“I just wanted you to know that you are loved by your Father. He cares for you so much. He is pained by your hurt. He weeps with you as you cry. He watches you as you toss in your restless sleep. He cradles you near to his heart and sings to you a lullaby of life and of peace and of joy to come. He knows you so well that he anticipates your needs. He looks far into your future and sees what challenges lie there and does His best to prepare you for them. He gives to you good gifts. He loves you in ways that only a Heavenly Father can. He loves you in a way only a Creator can. He loves you in ways that you can only glimpse now. One day, though, one day you will know the depth of that matchless love. One day, dear friend, you will know why He loves you so. One day you will understand how precious you are to your Abba. Until that day be child-like. Just accept His ever present love. Just as your children do not question your love for them, trust that your Heavenly Father loves you always; because you are His. How could He not love you? He chose you, beloved.”
May God bless you this week.
Kris
Update: Thursday, January 6, 2005
Happy New Year! This has not been an easy time for me. With the hospital stay, my constant upset stomach and fatigue, I haven’t felt like celebrating. My son Matthew came up to me the other day and said, “Mom, it’s been a year and you’re still alive.” So, I guess there is something to celebrate.
One of the things that have been hard for me during my recovery (seclusion) has been redefining who I am. If you know me at all, I’m a doer. I have always been known for what I do. I was always busy at something. I used to say that if I wasn’t running around doing ten projects at once I wouldn’t know what to do with myself. If I am to be painfully honest, I derived much of my self worth (the good feelings about who I am) from what I could accomplish. So, I have had some pretty down moments during the past several months because of how much I can’t do. I have at times felt useless, helpless, and hopeless. Of course I know, in my head, that God does not measure me by how much I do, but my heart and my head don’t always agree. Why is it so easy to know something but not apply it? I was reading a devotional book the other day and two scriptures jumped out at me. The first was, “Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations! I will be exalted in the earth.” Psalm 46:10 The second was, “Lean on, trust in and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6 I have been encouraged by these scriptures. I see that if I use the time that I am “still” to focus on God and who He is, I won’t worry about who I am and what I’m doing or not doing. My goal then, is to look to God and allow him to direct and make my paths straight. I think it would be better to be known for “Whose” I am rather than for what I do. Old habits die hard, but I know that by the grace of God I can become what He wants me to be.
I will close for now with the scripture I used in my journal on December 31, 2003. “I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.” Psalm 27:13-14
Kris
Update: Friday, December 24, 2004
Just a brief update to catch up on the latest. On Tuesday, Kris went to the oncologist and had her normal visit. She was experiencing a little cough and very minor sniffling and congestion. After a good deal of consideration, they decided to put Kris on an antibiotic as a precautionary measure to beef up her defenses. They also left instructions to call back if she didn't improve. On Wednesday, Kris just generally felt bad and spent the bulk of the day in bed. That night (Thursday morning early) Kris had dry heaves and a whole lot of general nausea. So, we called the doctor and went in to do a follow up and to possibly get some fluids to prevent dehydration. During the visit, Kris had several boughts of chills and shakes. This gave the doctors further concern and they decided to admit her to the hospital for IV treatments, anti-fungal, anti-virus, anti-biotics, and fluids. They also wanted to see improvement in the nausea (get her to eat) and reduced stomach pain and to run a battery of blood tests and other cultures. In short, all the tests came back looking normal and she did improve in her general feeling. She is not all better, but the general consensus is that she caught a mild virus and it is just running its course. They discharged us today and we are now back at home praising God for His goodness. We look forward to the holiday all together. Please continue to keep Kris before God that she will return to some calmer health and that she will turn the corner in her general well being. We have been in direct contact with Seattle during this time and they are reviewing all the results to date and will weigh in with their recommendations in the near future. Pray for wisdom for the doctors and for us. Let us thank God for the time that we have and continue to praise Him in all things. Thank you all for your continuous support.
Mike
Update: Thursday, December 16, 2004
I am so thankful to God for the good news I received from my final tests. The doctors did not find Graft verses Host Disease (GVHD). This is fantastic news. The symptoms I was/am having are most likely caused by the medication I’m taking rather than GVHD. That means as I wean off the medication over the next few months I should start to feel better. I am so excited about this. This means there is actually an end to my being a hermit!!! Once I’m off my immune suppression drugs, I can start venturing out again into large gatherings. I should be back at church (still no hugging or hand shaking allowed) by the end of March or first of April. This is the best Christmas present I can think of. Thank you for all of your prayers during my time of testing. God has answered in such a positive way. I will write more later when I have time…I have to get ready for tonight; it’s Mike’s birthday. God bless each of you.
Kris
Update: Friday, December 3, 2004
I haven’t finished all the testing yet. I was scheduled for a pulmonary function test on Friday after Thanksgiving, but completely forgot about it. It is now scheduled for Monday. I have the worst of the tests next Friday the 10th. It is the biopsy from this test that will determine the nature of my future treatment. I am hoping for good results, but my hoping is kind of like wishful thinking. But who knows, maybe I’ll be surprised.
Mike is leaving the country tomorrow. That sounds exciting doesn’t it? He will be traveling to France for his job and will be gone for almost a week. The only good thing about it is that he will be able to visit with his sister, Debbie, for a short time while he is there. I am pouting a little bit. We have been waiting for years for Michelin to send him overseas (so I could tag along), and wouldn’t you know it? The opportunity comes when I can’t go. Can’t you just see my bottom lip sticking out? I’ll try to get over it. There are worse things in life that could happen, you know.
Speaking of that, I want to tell you about a wonderful young wife and mother at our church lost her husband the day after Thanksgiving in a car accident. The three of them were all in the car traveling to her sister’s house when the car flipped several times and ended up in the median upside down. Her husband died instantly and I’m sure she feels as though part of her died that day as well. What a tragedy. Unfortunately, no one is immune to tragedy. When something like this happens, it puts my situation into perspective for me. No longer do I feel that my problems are very big. I have heard people say that same thing to me and I have thought about it and wondered what Jesus’ perspective would be. This subject came up again in my Bible study the other day. I was reading in Luke chapter 8 when Jesus was on his way to Jairus’ house to heal his daughter who was dying when he was stopped by a woman who had been bleeding for 12 years. One problem was life and death; one was a chronic illness…so which one was more important? Which one do you think should get Jesus’ attention? I don’t think that is a question Jesus contemplates. We do, but he doesn’t. Look at verse 47 and 48, “Then the woman, seeing that she could not go unnoticed, came trembling and fell at his feet. In the presence of all the people, she told why she had touched him and how she had been instantly healed. Then he said to her, Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace.” She could not go unnoticed by Jesus. That’s the point. No one can go unnoticed by Jesus; and as I learned in my study, this is especially true of a person who approaches Jesus in faith. That doesn’t mean we will all be healed, but it does mean that Jesus knows what we are going through (we are noticed) and he is with us and gives us the strength to get through any circumstance we encounter. The question is, “Do we approach him in faith or hide our faces from him in times of trial?”
I will close with part of an email I received from my dear friend in Texas. I want to share this because this is true of anyone who is suffering or going through a trial and trying to let Jesus shine through. Be encouraged, God isn’t through with us yet. He writes, first speaking of my doctors: “I am already praying for the person or persons that God is going to minister to through him because of what he learned from you. I thank God that because of you your doctor gets to study under the Great Physician. I know that it is difficult to sow this seed. Remember that you serve the God of the harvest. He will bless your sacrifices and suffering and use them to make you over into the image of His Son, Jesus, through whom you are saved and by whose blood you are healed. Remember that God is faithful. I do not say that just because you have seen Him work in your life. I do not say that just because His faithfulness is demonstrated for us in the lives of the prophets. I do not say He is faithful because of what He has promised to do in our lives. I declare that God is faithful simply because He is God. God Almighty cannot be false. He will be faithful always for He is God. God is worthy of your trust for He is Faithful.”
Kris
Update: Saturday, November 20, 2004
Well they certainly aren’t wasting any time. My oncologist called me yesterday afternoon with the schedule for testing. I have appointments everyday next week except Thursday. At Wednesday’s appointment, I will be setting up another day of testing for the following week. Thankfully there is a holiday next week so I can have a day off. I will be going all over Lexington and Columbia seeing an eye doctor, GI doctor, having blood drawn, a physical exam, and a pulmonary test. Somewhere in there I have to get school taught, Matt to an audition on Monday, the kids to Excelsior and bake a little for Thanksgiving dinner. Maybe now you can understand why I was hesitant to say anything; I feel a bit like an over extended lab rat.
Even with all these things going on, I can’t help but stop and think about all my blessings, especially at this time of year. I am thankful for God’s mercy, my loving husband, my energetic children, my family, my friends, my church family, and my health. I am thankful to be alive and to have another day to proclaim God’s glory.
Kris
Update: Friday, November 19, 2004
Good morning. My morning began much like every other morning; Kaylee coming in my room, waking me up explaining how it’s morning and so it’s time to get up. I have finally convinced her that morning doesn’t begin until the clock says 7:00, no matter how much light is coming through her window. I should have gone for 8:00, but I knew that would never fly.
I have been dealing with daily and sometimes severe GI tract GVHD. I have not wanted to talk to the doctors about it, hoping it would just go away on its own. I know that was wishful thinking, but I knew some of the tests that they might want to do, and lets just say I wouldn’t be such a willing participant. My nutrition is really suffering though, so Mike put his foot down and I called Seattle. After the doctors there discussed my case, they contacted my Oncologist and set up a series of tests that will be preformed over the next several weeks (oh, joy). I hope there is some way of dealing with these issues without going back on a high dose of systemic steroids. I don’t like the way they make me feel (no sleep, jittery, etc.) and I don’t like the way they make me look. My face still hasn’t recovered from the last time I was on them. Please pray that the doctors will find the root problem, know the best way to treat it, and that I will have peace with their decisions.
I want to thank all of those who regularly keep me held up in prayer. You are blessing from God. Thank you for the emails of encouragement as well. When I log on to my computer, it is always with anticipation that I check my emails. Just knowing that I’m thought about brings such joy, especially when my contact with people is so limited. Thank you for all the ways you show you care. May you feel the blessings God is pouring out on you today. Look for them!
Kris
Update: Friday, November 5, 2004
God has blessed me with the opportunity to examine my faith with two different people this week. One person asked me, “What motivates you? Don’t you ever just feel like cashing it all in?” Sure, I have felt like giving up several times, but there is more to life than my “feelings.” I had been thinking about what motivates me and where the faith comes from that holds me in troubled times for a while now. I guess I’ll share a little.
I believe that faith is a decision, not a feeling; kind of like love. When I came to believe in Jesus I decided to trust him and to believe what he says; I decided to have faith in him. I think my faith grows each time I take him at his word and watch the results of seeing how faithful and trustworthy he is.
Here’s something to think about; our circumstances are not everything…but Jesus is. Stay with me for a minute. When we go through hard times we get discouraged, weary, tired of the struggle, sad and downhearted. Sometimes we feel like giving up the fight and that life isn’t worth “all of this.” Those feelings are caused by our circumstances which change constantly. Our faith should be based on the things of God that do not change, no matter what our circumstances are. What do I mean? Simply this; I am a child of God, I have been forgiven, I am loved with a never dying love, I stand justified before the Lord and these things will never change. Listen to Ephesians 2:4-7; “But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions – it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus.” So how does this help when we are in the middle of a terrible trial? Here is how it helped me. When I was struggling physically I began feeling depressed and alone. I did not “feel” God’s presence, so in my mind I began to think he wasn’t there. Now, I had to ask myself if that was true? Did my feelings erase the verse above where it says I am raised up and seated with Christ in the heavenly realms? No, of course not; but oh, how strong our feelings can be. They can plant such doubts into our hearts. It was important to me to go back to my core beliefs. Do I believe what Jesus says? He said that he would never leave me or forsake me, do I believe him? Yes, I do. So, I began looking at his promises and claiming them, accepting them as truth. (God’s spirit is living in me, Romans 8:11; the Spirit will help in my weakness, Rom. 8: 26; God did not spare his Son so will help me, Rom. 8:32; God loves me, John 3:16; He who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion, Phil. 1:6; if I ask, God will grant my heart peace, Phil. 4:7; and so many more!) What a difference this has made in my life. My faith will stand because I know the truth. If I begin to waver, I can look to the anchor that holds me, which is Christ Jesus, and with him I will be able to stand up in any storm…and so can you. God bless you.
My next doctor’s appointment is this Monday. I am feeling alright, just extremely fatigued, which is completely normal and expected.
Kris
Update: Thursday, October 21, 2004
Just a quick update to say that my liver ultrasound is fine and my liver enzymes have lowered a little. The hepatitis test won’t come back for a few days, but there really isn’t any concern now. Praise God for this positive bit of news. I continue to be thankful for all of my prayer warriors.
Kris
Update: Tuesday, October 19, 2004
I couldn’t remember the last time I updated and I thought, that’s either a really bad chemo moment or it has been too long. My headaches are almost completely gone thanks to God’s mercy and the help of my massage therapist. Once the headaches were gone, an upset stomach took its place. I wasn’t able to eat or drink much and I began to feel quite weak. I think it is the medicine I take on Monday’s and Tuesday’s, as it is Tuesday and I’m feeling that way again.
I want to start with a huge praise item. I talked with Seattle about some of my final test results. The test I was really interested in was the PCR test. It is the most sensitive test that exists to detect CML in my body. At day 80, most people are sent home with a “positive” reading that eventually turns “negative” if the bone marrow was successful. I just praised God as she read the results to me…negative! So now, if I can just live through the transplant side effects, I have a fantastic chance of being cancer free.
Last week was hard for me. It’s difficult to want to share, but this is my journal and I want to tell the whole story. I got really down last week, actually I was depressed. I know the cause; I took my eyes off Jesus. The results were disastrous. I struggled with everything. I didn’t want to get out of bed. I didn’t want to fight anymore. I was just tired of this whole thing. I was no longer looking for comfort in God because I couldn’t feel him. I cried out to God and told him that I knew, by faith, that it was him and only him that was getting me through this and holding me up, but I could no longer feel his presence. You know what, just like Jesus did with Peter, he was right here to pull my back up to the surface. That very night I received an email that was so encouraging. It was as if Jesus was speaking to my heart. The next day I received an encouraging phone call and that afternoon I received a letter from one of my elders that again spoke to the issues of my heart. To top it off, I received a wonderful email from a dear friend that next morning. It was like God saying to me, “I’m here. Can you feel me now?” “Yes,” I said, “I do.” I truly did. I know God cares when we feel separated from him and he immediately sent in his “human hands” to care for me. I am so thankful to all of those who listened to God’s promptings and called or emailed during that time. I am back on track again, but I would appreciate prayers.
Due to symptoms I am having a few test were done last week and I am awaiting results. Also, my liver enzymes (traced by regular blood tests) have gone up the past two weeks. I am scheduled to get a blood test to check for Hepatitis and an ultrasound on Thursday morning. They are being cautious, I know, but it still makes me nervous thinking about what they could find. It is very common for transplant patients to develop liver problems and Hepatitis C, but I will cast my cares on the Lord and I know he will be with me and will surround me with his peace. What would I do without the Lord? I wouldn’t want to try!
Kris
Update: Friday, October 8, 2004
A while back I jotted the following down into a file in my computer. I have decided to put them into my journal.
The stories of passion and excitement, victory, and extraordinary miracles have always been my favorite Bible stories. The Creation, the Flood, Joseph saving Egypt from starvation, Moses leading the Israelites out of Egypt, Manna in the desert, God bringing water from a rock, the destruction of Jericho, crossing the Jordan into the Promised Land, God talking with Samuel, the battle on Mount Carmel, Elijah raising the widow’s son, David killing a giant, and a boy becoming a king. These are just some of the stories we share with our children when wanting to instill faith into their precious minds. These are the stories that come home on our children’s Sunday school papers, and that is all very well and proper. These stories lift us up, they build our faith, we learn the awesome powerful side of God, where He rushes in and saves His people, His chosen, His loved ones.
But, what about the quiet moments from God (when His voice is not heard above the commotion, when His plan isn’t clear to the people following Him) within these same stories? Adam and Eve separated by sin and sent away from the only home they had ever known, Noah’s years of obedient boat building under constant ridicule, Sarah, waiting past the point of hope to have a child, Joseph sold by his family then dumped into a prison for being righteous, Moses dragging reluctant Israelites around, who complain for forty years? What about the hunger so severe that the Israelites really didn’t know from where their next meal was coming, and then feeling so thirsty and having to look into the eyes of their children, shrug their shoulders and cry? And, what about the widow, who watched her only son laying dead, still, and cold and being helpless to do anything but weep? I can continue with most great stories of faith and see both the “quiet” or silent moments of God and then see the victory He brings that make these our favorite stories.
These quiet moments have captured my attention lately. I think they are in the Bible for a purpose. There are other stories in the Bible that are just as powerful, written down for us to learn from, that don’t end with God sweeping down at the last moment and “saving the day.” I have been thinking of one Bible character lately, one discussed in Hebrews 11. Verses one and two say this, “Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. For by it faith men of old gained approval. By faith we understand that the worlds were prepared by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things which are visible.” Now look at the beginning of the next verse. “By faith Abel offered to God a better sacrifice than Cain, through which he obtained the testimony that he was righteous.” That’s not the end of Abel’s story. The Bible doesn’t say that he was righteous and lived a long successful life in his dream job. Abel didn’t have a family, nice house, or a minivan. He certainly did not have the chance to live out any of his physical dreams. Genesis 4:8 says, “Cain told Abel about it. And it came about when they were in the field, that Cain rose up against Abel his brother and killed him.” Let’s put this into our perspective. Abel had a good relationship with God, he had a heart to obey and serve Him. He did what he knew was right. Abel was a good man. Why wasn’t a long life on the earth serving God the best plan for his life? Just think of the example he could have been to all the people in the upcoming communities. Isn’t that exactly the way we think? If I’m following God by doing what is right, serving the people around me in His name, and being good, won’t God’s plan for my life be pleasant and filled with good things? Won’t He lead me by a pillar of cloud by day and fire at night so I always know which way to turn? Won’t He keep me in a good job so I can provide for my family the way I desire? He wouldn’t let me get really sick, would He? He certainly wouldn’t let me die before I was able to raise my children or allow one of my children to die and leave me just to weep. That wouldn’t be right, we reason out in our minds. He saved me after all, I’m one of the chosen, and I’m loved by Him. Does this sound familiar? If we haven’t heard it out loud, hasn’t it been spoken in our own minds?
So, how do we deal with Abel? He is one of the examples that we look at to see how the faithful lived and encourage one other to do the same. We just seem to stop short and ignore the reality that faithful servants of God might end up with a short life. We say that we should be like Abel in our faith, but we don’t say that after living faithfully like Abel we might very well suffer such a catastrophe. Hebrews 11 has a fascinating scripture that describes some of God’s people being miraculously saved and yet others suffering terribly, all in His name. Why the difference? Why not “happy” endings for everyone? Let’s listen to His word. Hebrews 11:29-40: “29By faith they passed through the Red Sea as though they we passing through dry land; and the Egyptians, when they attempted it, were drowned. 30By faith the walls of Jericho fell down after they had been encircled for seven days. 31By faith Rahab the harlot did not parish along with those who were disobedient, after she had welcomed he spies in peace. 32And what more shall I say? For time will fail me if I tell of Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, of David and Samuel and the prophets, 33who by faith conquered kingdoms performed acts of righteousness, obtained promises, shut the mouths of lions, 34quenched the power of fire, escaped the edge of the sword, from weakness were made strong, became mighty in war, put foreign armies to flight. 35Women received back their dead by resurrection; and others were tortured, not accepting their release so that they might obtain a better resurrection; 36and others experienced mockings and scourgings, yes, also chains and imprisonment. 37They were stoned, they were sawn in two, they were tempted, they were put to death with the sword; they went about in sheepskins, in goatskins, being destitute, afflicted, ill-treated 38(men of whom the world was not worthy), wandering in deserts and mountains and caves and holes in the ground. 39And all these, having gained approval through their faith did not receive what was promised, 40because God had provided something better for us, so that apart from us they would not be make perfect.”
I have always been comfortable reading and identifying with verse 29 through the first part of verse 35. Haven’t you? But what do we do with the rest of the scripture? Don’t we just rush through to the end saying, “Whew, I’m glad it’s not like that anymore!”
When I was diagnosed with Leukemia, I was basically handed by death warrant. From all available statistics, I was given a few years to live. The problem with that? I have a husband, four small children, I try to be a faithful servant of the Lord, I love Jesus, I try to live right and be an example to others. Shouldn’t I have a pleasant life? I had to wrestle with these questions of why was this happening to me. Won’t God just take it away? Does He really want me to suffer this way? What about my family if I die? It was the moment of truth for me. Would I follow God, love and glorify Him no matter what my circumstances or would I put conditions on my faith and obedience? What a painful night of tears and prayers. Before the night was over, I made a commitment and my statements of faith to God and have never turned back. Not that I didn’t have times of mourning, sadness, questions, confusion and tears; those are all normal emotions. A decision had to be made, that night, and I chose to take God at His word. Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” I believe the “good” He is talking about is His eternal good, not my personal wishes and dreams nor what I think would be good for me. Notice the last line of the scripture, to those who are called according to His purpose. This is why I knew a decision had to be made. Was I going to submit my very life to be called to His purpose in my Leukemia or was I going to fight Him tooth and nail demanding that if He really loved me and was good and powerful, He would heal me.
I add this to my journal now to remind and encourage myself and maybe others. Even though I am through with one part of my journey, the journey is not over. The path, however long, is laid out in front of me and it is God who is leading. So, no matter what I am going through, no matter how badly I feel, I will “Fix my eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith.” Only He provides the strength to make it the rest of the way.
I am still having several intense headaches during the day and having trouble sleeping because of them. I continue to pray for relief.
Lamentations 3:19-24. I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him.”
Kris
Update: Thursday, September 30, 2004
I am here before you to once again ask for your prayers. I need some relief from this pain I am suffering. Tuesday night, I came down with a bug of some kind. I was up in the middle of the night throwing up. What also started that night was a headache. Wednesday, I spent pretty much the whole day, sleeping in bed. Unfortunately, the headache has not gone away. I have a constant dull pain but then I get a sharp piercing pain that covers my head and lasts for a couple minutes. I can’t think, talk or walk during these episodes. Motion seems to be the trigger, things like getting up and walking, sitting down, turning over in bed or even a simple twisting movement will bring one on. I discussed it with my oncologist today at my new weekly appointment, and was sent down to the infusion room for a two hour infusion of saline. (They don’t give me lunch here in South Carolina while infusing like they do in Seattle so I had to send Mike to the store to buy frozen meals for us.) They thought that being low in fluids was causing the headaches. That apparently wasn’t the cause because the headache isn’t gone and the flaring pain is getting worse and more frequent. I am going to go see my mom’s chiropractor tomorrow and pray that she is able to bring some relief. I was saying to Mike earlier tonight, “I can’t take much more of this pain.” But I immediately had so stop and correct myself. There is nothing that I can’t get through with God; I just don’t WANT to take any more of this. I know I must sound like a baby complaining about a headache after all I have been through, but after dealing with so much, I’m was kind of hoping for a break. Anyway, if you would just continue praying for my complete healing, I would so appreciate it. Thank you for being so faithful in your prayers for me. I am thankful to our God for being a constant source of strength, no matter what the situation or trial. He is ever present, ever comforting, and ever holy. I join in with the angels who are surrounding His throne singing “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty.” What a sight that must be, can you imagine it? Sometimes as I sing that song of praise to Him I think I almost can. At those times I am so moved with awe that the tears stop the words from coming out of my mouth, but not out of my heart. Spend some time in His throne room; you won’t come out the same!
Kris
Update: Tuesday, September 28, 2004
We are home! We made it safely home Friday evening around 5:30. The flight home went extremely smoothly. The airplane pilot was very nice to the kids. Each of the boys got a turn to sit in the co-pilot seat and touch buttons and use the in-plane intercom. Matt’s dream was to start playing football. Now, I think he would rather become a pilot. I told him that he has to get his driver’s license before he can go for his pilot’s license. My dad and mom and a few friends from church came to meet us at the airport. It was so difficult not to reach out and hug them. The no touching rule is really going to be hard for me.
When we arrived at our house I was amazed by all that had been done. Our driveway has been redone (the dirt drive we had would have been bad for me, especially when the wind blows), there were yellow ribbons all along the drive, balloons on the lawn, welcome home signs, the yard and gardens were immaculately cared for, my house was clean, our unfinished utility room was completed, our freezer stocked, and other wonderful little touches all throughout the house. I can’t even begin to know how many hours were spent in preparing for my return, but I know it was a lot. I also know that each moment spent working represents the love my church family has for us. God has blessed me so richly by allowing us to be a part of the Lexington Church of Christ. They are some of the most loving, caring, and selfless people I know.
The bad part of being home is the unpacking! There are boxes all over the house and the unpacking is going slow. Mike is home from work until Friday so we are able to work together to get the house back into order. My energy level is quite low and I have to stop and take many breaks. I am sleeping nine to ten hours a night and still require a two hour nap during the day. I am not use to this kind of fatigue.
The boys are enrolled in Excelsior this year and attend on Tuesdays. It is strange for me not to be there teaching. I sure hope I can teach there again once I am well. I am hoping to start home schooling next week, but I want to have everything unpacked and put away before I begin that task.
God has been and continues to be so faithful to us. I see His hand in everything. I know there is no part of my life that does not concern Him. I was talking with my aunt before leaving Seattle and we were discussing God’s care and concern for all His children. As we were driving into downtown Seattle I was overwhelmed by the shear number of people that were represented by all the cars, apartments and houses. God care and listens to the problems and joys of each one of them and wants each one of them to have a personal relationship with Him. I know how difficult it is just to focus and listen to my four children and give them each the attention they desire. Then when I think about the countless people God listens to, loves, and cares for 24/7, I am even more amazed by God. His patience and loving kindness is truly never ending.
Kris
Update: Thursday, September 23, 2004
Just a quick update. It is late and I need to get to bed. Today was my last day in Seattle. I started with a blood draw, had my Hickman line pulled out, then sat for five hours getting a red blood cell infusion. While I was being infused, my doctor and nurse came to me and gave me my final instructions and packet of information to give to my oncologist back home. We fly out of here at 10:00 a.m. tomorrow. We only found out for sure the day of our departure this morning. So, during my infusion, Mike scurried around packing and shipping out the last of our boxes. We still have several suitcases to bring on the plane, but it could have been worse. We did it! Together with all who helped in so many ways, the intense part of my treatment is over! Now I begin the healing and rebuilding process. I am told it will take a great deal of time, but I will get back to normal. I know there are those out there asking themselves if I ever was normal, but that is a whole other topic in itself. Please keep us in your prayers as we fly home and try to get back to some kind of a normal life. We are all so excited about being home we just can’t stand it. I will update when I’m home about how all my tests turned out.
Kris
Update: Friday, September 17, 2004
It has been a busy week. The bone marrow aspiration and skin biopsy went fine. I was not in pain afterward at all. When we went for our nightly walk I had already forgotten about my hip. After ten minutes or so I started to feel a twinge of discomfort and then remembered the aspiration. Usually I’m limping around for quite some time. Tuesday I took my sister to the Food Safety class so she knows how for cook safely for me. I then had a pulmonary function test, dental/oral examination, and my regular weekly clinic visit with my doctor and nurse. Wednesday was my Long-Term Departure Orientation class. Both Tuesday and Wednesday we had Kaylee with us in the morning and then saw the boys after school for a little while before my afternoon appointments. Thursday the kids went to the Puyallup Fair (State Fair) so I didn’t see them. They had a great time with Darrell and Lucrecia, though. I had several appointments in the afternoon. I had a meeting with my nutritionist, an x-ray, had some photos made of my skin so they have a base line to compare if I start having graph versus host of the skin, and a bone density scan.
On Monday I also had a blood draw to check for lots of different things. They found several things out of whack. So today, after another blood draw, I was sent up to the infusion floor to have an IGG (Immune Globulin) infusion. I know, I said “Huh,” too. Immune Globulin is given to treat problems with the immune system and helps prevent infections. Apparently I was low in my own levels so they needed to give me a 6 hour infusion. The nurse started the infusion and it went for 4 hours then suddenly I began to feel pain where my Hickman line is attached under my skin at my collar bone. Let me explain the Hickman. The line goes from my vena cava, right above my heart, up over my collar bone, then down my chest about 5 inches, right under the skin. One line comes out of my chest and then it splits into two separate tubes. They use these for drawing blood and giving me infusions and medication instead of having to stick me with needles each time (that’s a good thing!) Anyway, the pain was getting worse so she stopped the IGG and called the doctor. He said to try to restart it and try again. When she did, I immediately began having the pain again and it started going up my neck. The nurse stopped it again but left the saline running. The pain lessened but didn’t go away. Later she came back, stopped the saline and asked me to tell her if the pain gets better. No sooner had she stopped all flow through the Hickman and all the intense pain stopped. There was still tenderness, but the main problem ended. I looked in the mirror and at the location of the pain there was redness. In order to finish the IGG, they had to start a regular IV and infuse it through the vein in my arm. The doctor came down to check out what was going on and said that the Hickman can’t be used for infusions anymore. I have at least two more infusions before I leave; one for the BK virus and one of red blood cells. These will have to be done with a regular IV (oh, joy!) I am scheduled to have my Hickman removed on Thursday. The doctor would like to have pulled it out right then, but I had requested to be sedated for the procedure and that has to be scheduled. They don’t normally sedate for that procedure, but it is very painful and I decided that I have been through enough and I don’t want to feel it. The problem now is that spot is really bothering me, so I have to decide what I want more; the freedom from this “pain in the neck,” or no pain when it is removed. I will just see how the weekend goes.
I am scheduled for my summary consultation on Wednesday. This is when we will review all the data from the tests that have just been preformed. My final meeting with the doctors will be on Friday the 24th. At which point, I will receive a package with all my instructions and information for my oncologist in Columbia. This will conclude this stage of my recovery in Seattle. The doctor did tell me today that all the tests that have come back on my marrow, so far, look great with no sign of leukemia and all male chromosomes! I praise God for His mercy and healing. He has and continues to see me through this journey I began last December. Without His guidance, love, and compassion I would not be where I am today. The prayers that have gone up for me, into the throne room of our Father, have sustained me. The help, cards, emails, and gifts from friends, loved ones, and total strangers have encouraged me and lifted my spirits. God has used each of these things to bless my life in ways I never would have dreamed.
“I love you, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer. My God, my rock, in whom I take refuge.” Psalm 18:1-2
Kris
Update: Monday, September 13, 2004
Just a quick update before I head out the door to my bone marrow aspiration…I have not had any further nausea or vomiting so the concern about the GVHD is no longer there! Praise God. I had a wonderful night sleep last night and feel rested. Today begins a week of testing to see how my body is responding to the bone marrow transplant. More later…I have to run.
Kris
Update: Sunday, September 12, 2004
Great is Thy Faithfulness, O God my Father, There is no shadow of turning with Thee; Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not, as Thou hast been Thou forever wilt be. Summer and winter, and spring time and harvest, sun, moon and stars in their courses above, join with all nature in manifold witness, to Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love. Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth, Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide; strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow, blessings all mine with ten thousand beside! Great is Thy faithfulness! Great is Thy faithfulness! Morning by morning new mercies I see. All I have needed Thy hand hath provided, great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me! -- I love that song. God is so faithful and I feel His love and mercy every day.
I had a pretty rough afternoon yesterday and night last night. My energy level is very low and I am experiencing muscle weakness all over, but most noticeably in my legs. Walking was difficult for me as my legs wanted to buckle. Again, this is all “normal” with the medications I am on and due to the drop in my steroid. I will be completely off the steroid by September 21. I am told that it will take about two weeks for my adrenal gland to kick in after that so I will be weak when I return home. I had a couple other issues last night as well. I woke up about 11:30 feeling very nauseated. I ended up throwing up a couple of times and not sleeping well the balance of the night. I woke up this morning with charlie-horses in my legs, too. On top of all of that, I’ve had a headache since 9:00 last night. It’s not a migraine, though. I think it’s a tension headache because the muscles in my neck and shoulders are really tight. My stomach is still out of sorts. The concern with this is the graph verses host disease (GVHD) I had in my stomach. There is the possibility that with the removal of the steroid, the GVHD can return. The symptoms of that are nausea and vomiting. Please pray that this is not the case, but rather just a random upset stomach. There are so many things I could be concerned about, but I know I am still in the Father’s hand and there is nothing to fear. I may not understand what is going on inside of me, but He does and He is able to take care of any problems.
Debbie left on Saturday and I miss her. It was wonderful having her here. Even though I was having a rough time while she was here, we were able to laugh together and that was a great gift. She took such good care of me. I appreciate so much her family’s sacrifice in letting her come out here, I know they missed her! My sister, Cheri, is driving in on Monday to help out until we leave. It will be great to see her again.
Kris
Update: Thursday, September 9, 2004
I walked out of the clinic today with tears of joy streaming down my face. I have been scheduled for my final two meetings with the doctors. My data review from all the tests I will be having next week is scheduled for Wednesday, September 22 and my final consultation and instructional meeting is scheduled for Friday, September 24. The date of my final consultation is also my release date! So, unless the test show something out of the ordinary or a problem (which I do not expect) we will be able to leave as early as Saturday, September 25th, depending on the schedule of the jet that will be bringing us home. Home! That sure sounds good.
I stand here on this side of my transplant and look back over the past 3 ½ months and am awed by what I have seen God do. His guidance and protection have been so apparent in all that has happened. I join in with the psalmist who penned Psalm 91, (select verses) “He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust. He will cover you with his feathers, and under His wings you will find refuge; His faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, not the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday. A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you. Because he loves me, says the Lord, I will rescue him. I will protect him for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him, I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation.”
I want to end this update with a prayer from our dear friend is Texas. Let us stand together and glorify the Lord!
Almighty God,
We are redeemed by the blood of the Lamb who takes away the sin of the world. Remind us where we stand, Father. We do not stand on the edge of change for we stand in the presence of Jehovah God who does not change. We do not stand alone for the Omnipresent God of Israel stands with us always. We do not stand in confusion for we stand in the presence of the God of order. We do not stand here powerless for we are the children of Omnipotent God. We do not stand in the fear of the unknown for we stand redeemed in the presence of Omniscient God. We do not stand here with our needs unmet for we stand in the presence of our Sufficient Saviour. We do not stand here overwhelmed by these storms that rage around us for we stand in the presence of the Master of all creation. We do not stand here in fear of our bodies for we stand in the presence of the Creator who made them fearfully and wonderfully. We do not stand here worried about what we will do for we stand in the presence of God who has plans for us. We do not stand here wondering what to do next for we stand in the presence of God our Father who is always worthy of our praise. We do not stand here fruitlessly for we stand here grafted into the One True Vine. We do not stand here lost for we stand in the presence of the Way. We do not stand here deceived for we stand in the presence of the Truth. We do not stand here in the dark for we stand in the presence of the Light of the world. We do not stand here hungry for we stand here with the Bread of Life. We do not stand here thirsty for we are filled with Living Water. We do not stand here afraid of this battle for we stand with the Captain of the Hosts of the Lord. We do not stand here afraid of sickness for we stand with the Great Physician. We do not stand here afraid of our future for we stand here with our Messiah who has come.
Remind us where we stand, Father. We stand here with our shoes off for this is indeed Holy ground. We stand here with a great host of witnesses to testify that God is great. We stand here unafraid because God is our shield and our fortress. We stand here justified in the eyes of God by the saving work of Jesus Christ. We stand here rejoicing in this day that You have made, Mighty God. We stand here to give You praise. We stand here in Your presence for You inhabit the praise of Your people. We stand here with our brothers and sisters in Christ Jesus who intercedes for us all. Remind us where we stand, Father. We stand with You. You are for us, who could stand against us?
We stand before You in praise for You are worthy. We pray these things in Jesus’ name for He is worthy, Amen.
Kris
Update: Wednesday, September 8, 2004
I don’t seem to be doing very well with keeping these updates flowing at a regular pace. So much is going on each day and night it is hard to find the time or the energy.
Friday night I only slept until 3:00 a.m. then could sleep no longer. That made for quite the long night. In the morning we went into the clinic at 9:30 a.m. for my blood transfusion and discussed my muscle cramping with the doctor on call for the weekend. He didn’t have any better ideas than the other doctors but noticed that my magnesium was a bit low so I got and infusion of magnesium along with the blood. (Low magnesium certainly doesn’t help with muscle cramping.) We finished and left the clinic about 4:00 p.m. and went home.
Saturday night was filled with charlie-horses again, so not much sleep. Even so, we went over to my cousin’s house on Sunday afternoon to visit with the children. We went for a short walk and then visited on lawn chairs in their front yard. It was so good to see the kids. By the time we left, my knees were beginning to swell and it hurt to stand. I’m not sure what triggered that, it had not happened before. Debbie, our next caregiver from Lexington was due to arrive that evening, so after a quick dinner at home, we headed to the airport. Our normal routine for picking someone up is to just have them come out from the baggage claim area and stand on the curb. We drive around until they come out, then we pick them up. Sometimes I will go in to see if the plane landed on time or if I can see them in the baggage claim area. Even though my knees were hurting, I decided to check on the flight. I stepped out of the car and using my left hand to steady my self on the car, I shut the door. The problem was my thumb was in the way of the door so I shut the door onto my thumb. Pain shot through my hand and I look down in disbelief. I was stuck fast and had to open the door to get my thumb out. It was not a pretty sight and I will most likely lose my fingernail. It did take my mind off my knees for a while, I will say that! Debbie arrived on time and we were soon on our way back home. It is such a treat having Debbie here. She is such a great help and I am enjoying all the time we have been able to visit.
Monday was a pretty bad day. After another night of charlie-horses, I awoke to a new problem. My hands cramped down completely so I could not use them. Over the past several days, as I would use my hands they would occasionally cramp in my thumbs, index fingers or pinkies. Monday though, I completely lost use of my hands. I could not hold anything or do anything with my hands because the cramping would not stop. I got a bit frightened. I had no idea what was happening, only I was in a great deal of pain. I had a 10:30 a.m. appointment at the clinic to receive an anti viral medication for the BK virus in my bladder, but we went in early so we could see a doctor about my hands. The doctor on call that day had a few new ideas and had a bunch of new blood tests done to rule out some things and hopefully to get some answers. Unfortunately, he didn’t find any answers to these problems. I was still low in magnesium so I got more of that and he gave me a new muscle relaxant to try. As I lay in the infusion room getting my medicines, my legs began to charlie-horse. So there I was, lying in this bed, hooked up to IV medicine, my hands not working and my legs cramping up too. I just laid there, cried, and prayed. Mike got warm blankets to wrap around my legs and worked so hard at trying to rub the cramps out. It felt like forever, but finally there was some relief. I think the muscle relaxant finally began to kick in. By the time we left, my hands were doing better and by dinner time I was actually able to hold my own spoon. (Mike had to feed me lunch because I couldn’t hold my fork.) Darrell brought the kids down to the apartment for me so we were able to visit for several hours that evening. God is so gracious. That morning I thought there would be no way I would be feeling up to a visit, but it happened. I praise God for his kindness towards me.
Tuesday Mike picked up the kids and brought them here. They ate lunch together while Debbie and I went to the “Food Safety” class. Afterward, we took the kids to Gasworks Park. The park is right on the lake and it has a huge hill called “kite hill.” Because of the breeze off the lake, even with not much wind, the kites will fly at the top of the hill. I could not make it up the hill, so I sat on a blanket half way up and watched the kids fly their kites. This was Kaylee’s first kite and she had a great time. The boys enjoyed themselves, too. Tuesday night was my first night in two weeks without a charlie-horse! I did wake up twice and felt a bit of tightness in my legs, but I just got up, walked around for a while and the muscles loosened up. Again, I am thankful for God’s mercy. I know so many have been praying for me about this problem and I am so thankful for the break in the pain and the good night sleep.
Today my steroid amount dropped again and I can really feel the drop in energy. Even after a good night sleep I felt so tired and took a little nap on the couch around 10:00 a.m. My body wanted to stay on the couch, but we had planned to go over to my cousin Rod and Trina’s house. They volunteered to watch the kids today while Darrell and Lucrecia were at work. It was wonderful spending time with them. Trina made us a fantastic lunch and we had a nice visit. The kids really enjoy being at their house. God has blessed me with a wonderful family out here who love us and are willing to help in any way necessary.
Kris
Update: Friday, September 3, 2004
Day 71 – Praise God! Our target is to leave around day 93 or at least to be home by day 100. I would like to be back at work for the first of October. These are plans that Kris and I are making and we think they are good plans, good goals. The problem is we are having trouble figuring out all the details and predicting the twists and turns in our journey here. Our problems (all of them not just my planning inefficiencies) are God’s opportunities and He shines. He has the perfect plan and that has become our primary goal – to place ourselves right into His plan. So, each day we must look to Him for direction and we plan and move forward with the directions that we hear from Him. We don’t have to worry about tomorrow, “for tomorrow will care for itself.” Besides that, God has it all under control. He isn’t surprised or alarmed by the turn of events. What a blessedness to rest in the comfort of His control.
Let me recap the past five days. After a weekend of all kinds of muscle cramps (hands, feet, legs, chest walls, etc), the team of doctors decided that we should come in for extra evaluation on Monday. We ended up going to the clinic every day this week rather than the scheduled 2 days. At the Monday visit, we discussed the charlie-horses and Kris’ hemorrhagic cystitis. We also learned that the results from Wednesday’s urinalysis showed that she is heavily loaded with the BK virus. So far, none of these things are things that a person wants to hear about themselves. To make matters more interesting, this coincided with a change in our primary physician. So, we have a new doctor (PA) dealing with our case. (We are very pleased with him, as we have been with virtually all the staff here.) He proceeded to line out a plan to try to sort out the real issues and find if there is a root cause. He simplified Kris’ medications a little bit. He sent Kris up for an IV infusion of Cidofovir (anti-viral medication) for the BK virus. This will be a weekly ritual for the next three weeks. And He made sure that we were going to be seen again the next day. On Tuesday, there was little improvement. We also learned that Kris’ Creatnine level (an indication of how well her kidneys are functioning) was greatly elevated. He put Kris on a liter of IV hydration. He scheduled an ultra sound of Kris’ bladder and kidneys. The doctors (our PA and the attending MD) decided to also speed up the taper of the prednisone (we decided that they deserved donuts for that decision) and to make sure that another blood draw was done the next day to monitor the levels. The hydration brought the kidney levels back to normal and seemed to really help the charlie-horses. All in all, Kris felt much better and we hoped to spend some time with the kids. This was not to be. Kaylee and Mason both seemed to be fighting some sort of bug. So, to not complicate things, we stayed away. That’s hard. However, we were able to take Sandra around and together enjoy some exercise and sightseeing. Thursday morning came with us having had the best night (since the start of the charlie-horses) so far. We felt that the hydration and the modification to the medicines would carry us right out of the cramping and Kris’ bladder really seemed to be doing better. The preliminary ultra sound evaluation stated that Kris’ kidneys appeared normal and looked to be functioning within normal ranges and that her bladder was “unremarkable” which in normal talk means, just fine. Everything looked good with one minor issue: Kris was getting backed up. We had some simple plans in place hoping to address this and left the clinic feeling like things were really looking up. We went to Kris’ aunt’s house and spent a very brief (45 minute) visit with the kids out in the yard. It was difficult (but good) having to keep the kids “off” of Kris, but they generally understand and just enjoyed seeing her and taking turns chit-chatting with her. The day seemed to be going well, until it came time to eat supper. Kris finished eating and realized that she just didn’t feel like things were moving through here system as they should. This could be a bigger problem than first thought. This nagging issue had decided to surface. After a phone call and getting some approval for modifying the plan, we headed out to pick up another medication. This is working well, it seems.
Last night, was pretty rough. Kris went to bed at nine. She got up with charlie-horses in her legs at 10, 11, 12:40, 2, 3:10, 4:15, 5:50 and 7:05. Each time, we filled a bath as hot as she could stand and got her into it to try to relieve the muscles that were clamped down and contorting her legs and feet. This seems to be the only thing that gives relief. We tried medications, Icy-Hot, and massaging. The episodes lasted about 30 minutes each time. This left us very little time for sleep in between. Kris is feeling pretty worn down and is left wondering what has happened to our relief that we seemed to be getting from the hydration. We had plenty of time to pray and go over all the details that we can imagine. We double checked all the mineral and electrolyte levels from her last few blood draws, we reviewed each of the medicine changes that have taken place over the last week and a half. There seems to be no clear answer. This is a very rare symptom when there isn’t some “obvious” deficiency or drug causing the problem. So, we have basically stumped the doctors. There are a few options that we are trying. The most important one though will remain to give this to our Father. He will give the grace and the good gifts needed to get through this. Thank you Father for Your everlasting faithfulness! You are worthy of our constant praise. Please continue to lift this up to Him and thank Him with us for the good things He is doing.
Most of Kris’ recent concerns have been relieved. Her bladder is remaining calm. Her system is moving again and looks to be on the mend. Her Creatinine level is good. The BK virus (the culprit for the hemorrhagic cystitis) seems to be letting up, at least from a symptomatic viewpoint. We will get further data with future urine tests. She still feels weak and we attributed that to lack of sleep. Today, though, we received a call from the clinic indicating that her Hematocrit has dropped to 25% and requires red blood cells. She will get these tomorrow morning. This should result in an increased energy level and feeling of well being. The other issue outstanding is the charlie-horses. We got a new muscle relaxant to try and just started it today. Her muscles are sore from the “work out” they had last night and we hope this will help that but we are mostly leaving this one in God’s hands.
Sandra has been a blessing throughout the week. She has been a source of cheerfulness and has helped to keep the house running. We have been so very blessed to have such wonderful caregivers both in Lexington and here in Seattle. God has been so good to us. Tonight will be our last evening with Sandra as she will be flying out in the morning. Pray that God gives her a safe trip home and keeps everyone safe from the impending hurricane. Debbie Ross should be flying out the next day and we will see her Sunday.
God bless you.
Mike
Update: Sunday, August 29, 2004
“For we know that if the earthly tent which is our house is torn down, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. For indeed in this house we groan longing to be clothed with our dwelling from heaven, inasmuch as we, having put it on, will not be found naked. For indeed while we are in this tent, we groan, being burdened, because we do not want to be unclothed but to be clothed so that what is mortal will be swallowed up by life. Now He who prepared us for this very purpose is God, who gave to us the Spirit as a pledge. Therefore, being always of good courage, and knowing that while we are at home in the body we are absent from the Lord – for we walk by faith, not by sight – we are of good courage, I say, and prefer rather to be absent from the body and to be at home with the Lord. Therefore we also have as our ambition, whether at home or absent, to be pleasing to Him.” 2 Corinthians 5:1-9
This scripture has been on my mind for the past several days. This “earthly tent” of mine is groaning, being burdened beyond my “comfort zone.” My hemorrhagic cystitis is getting worse. The doctors increased my drug dosages and put me on a sustained release pain medicine, but there are still times of extreme discomfort and pain. I have also begun having major charlie-horses all over my body. Last night I woke up four times in such great pain, with cramps in my calves and shins. Mike immediately began trying to stretch out the cramps once my screaming woke him up. The problem is when he stretched the calf muscle, the shins cramped more and visa versa. During the last episode, early this morning my foot got involved too. So in addition to the calf and shin, the muscle in my ankle twisted my foot over to one side (it looked like it was broken) and I couldn’t stand up. Mike helped me to the bathroom and I soaked by legs in hot water. This seemed to help my legs relax. During the day, the cramps have got worse and have spread all over my legs and to my hands. To top things off, I just got back from the clinic because I was having the cramps in my chest and they wanted to make sure it had nothing to do with my heart, which it doesn’t. So, they are having me increase my pain medicines and take a muscle relaxant. There is never a dull moment around here.
There is another drawback to this earthly tent right now. When I look into the mirror, I don’t recognize the person looking back at me. And frankly, I don’t enjoy what I see so I don’t spend any time in front of one. Prednisone, the steroid I’m taking, has my body and face changing rapidly. There is a lot of swelling in my abdomen (I think I look about 4 months pregnant), my cheeks are twice their normal size, and to add insult to injury, Matt, my nine year old, was the first to notice, or at least say anything about this next issue. When visiting with the kids, Matt looks at me and asked me to take my hat off, so I did. After studying my face and head he says, “Mom, you have more hair on your face than you do on your head!” (I told you I didn’t spend time looking in the mirror.) When I got home I looked and he was right. My face resembled a South Carolina fuzzy peach. I sent Mike out immediately to get something, anything to get rid of the hair! He did, it worked, so at least the hairy face is no longer an issue. Through all of this I have tried to find the humor, and there always is some if you look hard enough. God can and does bring joy into any circumstance, as long as I allow Him.
Sandra made it here safely on Saturday. God has blessed us with another one of His special gifts. We can’t help but laugh and smile as Sandra shares her cheerful bubbly personality with us. During this time of dealing with some difficult physical side effects, our Father has blessed me with another wonderful caregiver who always brings me a smile. Praise God with me for He is great!
Kris
Update: Wednesday, August 25, 2004
“My God is so big! So strong and so mighty, there’s nothing my God cannot do.” This is Kris and Kaylee’s current song of praise they sing together. I haven’t written in a long time and it has been a few days since a Kris update, so here I am to try to fill in the gaps. We had a nice weekend with Mikey and Kaylee spending the night Saturday night as all the aunts, uncles and cousins went out of town for a wedding and a preaching engagement. Mason and Matt traveled with them, but we got our first taste of trying to manage full time kids again and it went well. God is good! There will be a lot of adjustments that we need to make as a family but the kids have been learning to deal with a lot of changes and will be ready. During the weekend, we had another opportunity to go sailing out on Lake Union with the kids and Miriam. It was a pleasant trip and we just missed the weather change. By the afternoon, it started raining and Seattle is now looking like the Seattle most folks talk about.
On Sunday, we had a wonderful time of worship with our family at Lexington via video tape. We were thinking about the service that was going on there. There had been a special talk by Rep. Joe Wilson (R), to address Kris and send words of encouragement. Our television station, WLTX, video taped the service and we will be getting a copy of the service this week. We heard that WLTX is loaning video equipment to the church to allow more professional quality recordings of future services for us while we are away in Seattle. God works in mysterious ways. It really has been a blessing to be “with” our family at home while we are away.
Yesterday started with our normal visits to the clinic. Our current routine has us going to the clinic on Tuesday and Friday for blood draws. Then they add in a team visit (with the doctors) and other various check ups (nutrition, x-ray, oral, etc.) to the Tuesday itinerary, as necessary. Everything seemed to be going very well and we were pushing the doctors to see how quickly we might be able to leave if things go well. We were told that there is a little flexibility (a week or so) assuming that everything goes without incident. At the end of the visit Kris mentioned that she felt something funny when she went to the bathroom that morning but it didn’t really feel like a typical bladder infection. They took a sample and it turns out that Kris has hemorrhagic cystitis (this basically means that the lining in Kris’ bladder is inflamed and bleeding). This condition is a pretty common side effect from the chemo regime that Kris received in the hospital. The bad news is that it will last 6 to 8 weeks and can become severely painful. The good news is that it is a condition with an end in sight. It does not last indefinitely.
We received another piece of difficult news yesterday about my sister Debbie who has been battling cancer for about three and a half years. Her most recent tests of her tumor markers have gone up significantly after having good results with the protocol that she was using. This will most likely mean that she will have to change up her routine again. She has been on an up and down fight with this for a long time and needs prayers to find the right combination of treatments to knock this cancer out. God is the only certain ingredient. Please lift her up before Him.
Kris also got a note from another friend who has been battling cancer. She wrote about a 5 year old girl whose battle ended yesterday. She had a brain tumor. Kris’ friend shared a letter the girl’s mother had written to praise God and thank Him for the time that they had been given. The girl’s mom encouraged everyone to look to God and learn the lessons that He taught them through the brief life of their little girl. I praise God for examples of faith like theirs. I thank Him for allowing us to see, learn and be encouraged by the faith of others. He knows what we need and He loves us beyond our understanding. I pray that each of us can see His love throughout our various struggles and trust Him. He will always love us and He will always be faithful. Look to Him and praise Him!
God is good and He will take care of us. I have just one other item to share. Yesterday, we also found out that Kris’ next scheduled caregiver (Susan) won’t be able to come to Seattle. She has gotten very sick herself to the point of spending time in the hospital yesterday. Please pray that she recovers. She has been a wonderful friend and a strong advocate for Kris. She did a lot of leg work to help build the fund that has paid for our extra expenses here and has not stopped being a source of encouragement to Kris. She needs rest and the doctors need to find the root cause of her condition. Please pray for that. With her not being able to come, we were left with just a few days to find a substitute. The beauty of this is that God was not surprised by this event. We might have felt like going in a panic mode, but as Kris said, “God is not saying, ‘Oh dear, now what am I going to do?’” We know God is in control so we knew not to panic. We lifted the matter to Him and within hours, the details were shown to us. Sandra Snyder is going to come out in Susan’s place. God is good.
We thank God for all the things that He does. It is so good to live a life trusting Him. He is worthy of all of our praise.
Mike
Update: Friday, August 20, 2004
Today was a good day, but exhausting. We had Kaylee all day and the boys after they finished at the Hutch School. This was the last day of the Hutch summer program. Their school will start for the Fall in three weeks. I decided to have the kids stay for dinner and they got to pick their favorites. Mikey, Mason, and Kaylee enjoyed my homemade macaroni and cheese, but Matt wanted frozen pizza. So with the curry chicken we had for the adults, we had an interesting mix of things at the dinner table. I was nice being able to share a meal together again.
I have noticed quite a drop in my energy level over the past several days. At first I was a little concerned thinking something was wrong or I was having a set back, but I am told this is to be expected as I taper off of my steroids. All the energy I’ve been enjoying wasn’t really mine; it was just one of the effects of the drug. Bummer! I am still feeling well, eating well, and sleeping well, but I wear out so much quicker than before. This is a bit of a concern for me as Darrell and Lucrecia go back to work soon and we will have the children more and more each week, until the boys go back to school. I know if it gets too hard for me, other arrangements can be made, but I had hoped to be able to spend more time with the kids over these next weeks. I pray my energy holds and I am able to do this.
Miriam, my current caregiver, is such a blessing and a support for me. She works so hard every day keeping up with the house and helping with Kaylee; I’m afraid I’m going to wear her out. I have said it before but I want to say it again, I don’t know how I would do this without the love and support of all my caregivers. So many people have sacrificed to make my recovery so successful. There are the actual caregivers who have come out here, but without the generous donations of money and airline miles by so many dear friends, none of this would even be happening. I just praise God for the love that is lavished upon me. Thank you to everyone who has shared a family member, covered me with prayer, donated miles, sacrificed financially and have filled my mailbox with loving notes and emails. This only covers a small part of what has been done for me. I continue to share with people that I meet that I feel that I am God’s most spoiled child. He has used His children to cover me and I have to honor and praise Him.
Kris
Update: Thursday, August 19, 2004
I don’t know how much joy is possible to take in on one day, but I think I hit the upper limit yesterday. God decided to open the flood gates of heavens and pour down blessing upon blessing. (I, believe it or not, was actually SPEACHLESS during part of this! Now you know it had to be a big event!)
Before I start that story though, I must lift up the name of our Father in praise. He has shown Himself so compassionate and merciful to me this week. He, our Great Physician has chosen to lift the burden of the extreme pain I was experiencing daily/hourly in my stomach, at least for now. Because of the medication I am on, my taste buds are all followed by exclamation points. Everything tastes better to me than it does to anyone else. This was happening when Sandy was here too, but my stomach would cramp up after eating because of the GVHD, that eating was always a good/bad situation. The nutritionists here want me to be eating good meals, often. With all the work my news cells are doing, I require a lot more calories than normal. I am eating more than I would have thought possible, but without any weight gain. (This will be fun while it lasts!) Here is where Miriam, my new caregiver comes in. Miriam is doing a fantastic job of cooking me the variety of foods the doctors want me to have and I must say this, it is a real pleasure eating her meals, and that has nothing to do with the medication, she can cook!
God has answered so many prayers sent out on my behalf concerning my lack of sleep and migraines. He has heard the prayers and answered with compassion. I am getting about 7 hours of sleep a night now! Boy it is amazing what two more hours of sleep can do. I feel alive again and have renewed energy. I am able to walk more each day without being overly exhausted. My headaches are gone. My mind is more at peace and I can think a little clearer. Unfortunately, I still have “chemo” brain, but I do have moments of clarity.
It is now time for the story about yesterday. It was already set up to be a wonderful day. The weather was beautiful, the boys were going to the Hutch school so we would see them for several hours after that and Kaylee was being brought over with the boys to spend the day with us. We had gotten passes to the Aquarium to take Kaylee on a little outing and were just getting ready to leave when Mike comes up to the apartment with these two huge shipping boxes. (They are so large we were able to make them into a playhouse for Kaylee and Mason out on the patio.) We had seen the boxes in the apartment lobby yesterday, but never looked to see if they were ours because we were not expecting anything like that arriving for us. Now I have to back up a minute and set this up. About a month or so ago, I received an email from a sister in Christ I have never met who attends the Pontiac Church of Christ in Pontiac, South Carolina. She told me that their church had seen the news on WLTX about our situation and said they had been praying for us ever since. She then asked if it would be alright if they sent a few things to our children. Of course I said yes, and to be honest, I never really thought too much more about it, but they did! Because of the bond we have through our Lord and Savior, Jesus, these sweet brothers and sisters love us like we were one of their own. We opened the boxes, and this is where I became speechless. It took me several minutes just to be able to process what I was seeing. Then I didn’t know where to start, so I just sat there, cried, then we all prayed. When we finally began to unpack the boxes our amazement continued to grow. Inside there were kites, markers, backpacks filled with school supplies, coloring books, crayons, paint sets, Bible story books, hair bows, a Barbie doll, bubbles, Nerf balls, beautiful photo albums, picture frames, t-shirts, a tea set, journals, books of encouragement, note cards, a portable CD player, a Palm Pilot, a Christian music video, and more! We really had nothing much at the apartment for the kids to play with when they visited before, but now we are set. When the boys arrived in the afternoon and saw everything, they couldn’t believe their eyes. We again went to our knees and Matt lead is in a wonderful prayer of praise and thanksgiving. Aside from all the wonderful gifts, what touched my heart so much were the cards their 3rd and 4th grade class made for me. They were all so beautiful. In addition, their ladies group put together a binder made in my honor. In it was a picture of my family, scriptures, a poem called, “What Cancer Can Not Do,” and wonderful stories of faith and promise. And if that wasn’t enough, also included was a generous check to help with our expenses. I know every gift was packed with love and I am so deeply moved. The Pontiac Church of Christ saw an opportunity to serve and took it. They chose to bless us and be the ministering hands of Jesus here on earth. I can’t wait until I am well enough so I can go and meet these beautiful servants and thank them and praise God with them in person.
This is just another blessing from our Father showing us a little bit of what He is doing. I can’t do justice to the stories of how He has been working. I only have to sit here with my trial (which seems pretty small in light of His work) and trust Him and give Him praise and He returns to me blessing upon blessing. In my worst moments, He would give me a note from someone to let me know that they were encouraged to turn to God after hearing my story. God turned what seemed so bad into a tool for His goodness and even though at that moment my physical pains were not gone, my heart would be filled with joy and a peace knowing that God is in control. Here now I can praise Him in good times and He does not let up in His love for me. Praise His holy name! God is good, period. In good times and in difficult times His love never changes. Praise Him, trust Him and experience His peace! I can’t say enough about Him. He is worthy!
Kris
Update: Monday, August 16, 2004
What a glorious day we had Sunday! We had won tickets to the sold out Mariners and New York Yankees game. We had to leave at 10:30a.m., if we were going to make it, so Mike picked up the boys at 9:00 a.m. and brought them to our apartment. We didn’t want to miss our worship time with God though, so here’s what we did. As soon as the boys arrived, I put on the tape I received from Lexington; the first one with Rick and the drama team from Harding. We watched the video up through communion and participated with the church, though a couple weeks later. Mason kept asking, “Is this happening right now?” This was the first communion I have been able to have with Mikey as a Christian! We had time to spend praying together and sang some songs the kids picked. It was perfect. We rushed out the door a little after 10:30 but made it to Safeco Field in plenty of time for the activities they had planned for us.
The Cancer Care Alliance had a special room reserved (no waiting in lines to get into the field) for our group. I will try to describe what they did for us and what we experienced. As we entered the room, on the right side there was the buffet, made to clinic guidelines so it was completely safe for the cancer patients to eat! The table was piled high with fresh fruit, chips, peanuts, popcorn, and huge baseball shaped and decorated cookies. Along side that were the hamburgers and hotdogs with all the trimmings. Of course there was a bin of ice holding every kind of drink you may want, as well. The boys’ jaws dropped when they saw the food. I told them we would be having lunch there, but I don’t believe they had this picture in their heads! Round tables were set up around the room decorated with baseball cards, Mariner coins, pictures, stickers, and of course, Cracker Jacks. The room was so festive and inviting. In the back of the room a craft section was set up. Volunteers were taking the children’s pictures which fit into a photo frame that could be decorated. On two long tables there was every kind of sticker, pen, glitter, and baseball stamp available. After perfecting their pictures, the boys returned to the table and we had a wonderful lunch together. After lunch, all the children were treated to a clown show. At first, Mikey wasn’t interested, you know, he’s 11 now! But once he got over there to watch, the laughter from that side of the room made it difficult to carry on conversations with the others guests at our table.
It was finally time to go out to the game and we climbed and climbed stairs (my workout for the day) until we got to our seats, high above right field. We watched with great joy and excitement as the Mariners rallied in the 7th inning to beat the Yankees (sorry Yankees fans) 7-3. In the middle of the 8th, our group was taken back downstairs to get organized to do one more exciting thing before going home. It is a tradition to allow the children from the stands to run the bases after the game. I don’t know how many hundreds of children I saw lined up to run, but our group was taken to the front of the line and allowed to run first! We got some great pictures, but the memories made in my boys’ heads (and mine) of this day will not fade quickly! I praise God that I could be a part of this. It was just last Saturday I was in the hospital with migraines, but here I was, one short week later at a Mariners game with my family. I continue to marvel at the compassion and mercy of God in my situation.
For those curious as to how I can go out into public without the risk of sickness, I’ll tell you. I do not go into closed buildings. The stadium is open to the air and sun which kills so many germs, I keep my hands in my pockets as much as possible, I don’t hold onto hand rails, I hold Mike’s arm, and he steers me clear of people and doesn’t allow anyone to bump into me. That is an amazing task at a baseball game, but he can do it…he’s a pro! I also use Germ-X about every 15 minutes on my hands and arms and don’t touch my face. With all those precautions, it is relatively safe to do what I did, on a VERY limited basis. This experience for me was worth the small amount of risk involved.
Sandy flew home early Sunday morning, and Miriam Harrison, my next caregiver arrived Sunday evening. What a joy to see her smiling face at the airport. She brought some pictures from home from our last Lexington church ladies function. Oh how good it was to see my “sisters” from home. I miss my Christian family so much. I miss being involved along side and sharing in the work. I miss hearing their sweet laughter, and feeling their loving hugs. It is so hard being away from this group of women; some of the most amazing ladies I have ever met.
Today the boys are being brought down to the Hutch School and Kaylee will be dropped off here with me. I can hardly wait. I didn’t get to see her yesterday so it will be wonderful spending the day with her today.
I had a bit of a milestone last night. My nightly ritual, since coming home from the hospital, is that I start out in bed about 10:00 p.m., wake up at midnight, move out to the couch, then sleep for little bits and pieces until 5:30 a.m., when my sleeping pills wear off. Last night though, I was able to sleep in my bed all night. I woke up at 3:00 a.m. instead of 12:00 a.m., but was able to go right back to sleep and slept until 5:30 a.m. I am hoping this is the beginning of some normal sleep patterns. Even if it’s not, at least I had last night!
“Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen.” Eph 3:20-21
Kris
Update: Thursday, August 12, 2004
I hope that I have not been completely given up on yet. Here is my problem; when I don’t feel well it is difficult to write updates. When I’m feeling well, I seem to lack the discipline to make myself sit down to update. Yes, once again I am trying to repent.
I have not had a migraine since Sunday morning. What a freedom that has been. I still am having trouble sleeping, but it is beginning to get a little better…or maybe I’m just getting better at surviving on 5 hours of sleep. No, that’s really not happening. I’m pretty shaky during the day and my ability to concentrate is not impressive, to say the least!
This paragraph contains “girl talk.” For the weak stomached male, you may want to just skip to the next paragraph! With the quantities of chemo I had before transplant, my ovaries have completely shut down. I am in full blown menopause. I have been suffering daily with hot flashes and then night sweats, which have also been interfering with my sleep. I was able to go to the doctor yesterday. Within three minutes of me telling her about the hot flashes, she looks at me, starts laughing and says, “You’re flashing now, aren’t you?” I was, in fact. She said that not everyone turns such a nice shade of red in the middle of one like I do. Is that something to be proud of? Anyway, I was started on hormone replacement therapy and by the time I left her office, just knowing things were going to get better, I was overjoyed and had to hug her! As it turns out, the absence of estrogen may also be contributing to the migraines, so as they say…two birds with one stone.
Ok guys, it is safe to tune back in. It was a gorgeous day in Seattle yesterday and we just had to take advantage of it. After my appointment, I stopped by the patient resource center and found there had been a cancellation for a Harbor Cruise. We were able to get those passes to the Harbor Cruise and Sandy, Mike, and I enjoyed the beautiful weather together. Today I had no appointments so we went down while it was early and not crowded, to the aquarium. I am still not too steady on my legs for very long so we used a wheelchair as we “walked.” We ran into the volunteer there that was part of the “famous octopus attack.” I was able to thank him again for the wonderful memories he gave me and my children. At 2:00 p.m. when the Hutch school was over, Mike and I picked up the boys and took them to my cousin’s house to visit outside under their big apple tree in the backyard. The kids put on their swimsuits and played on the slip and slide, showing us their newest tricks as well and soaking each other with water guns and the hose. What a wonderful visit we had, lots of laughter and play. It felt like old times…like we were normal for a few hours. I count each moment with them as treasures, golden jewels from my loving Father of mercy. Darrell and Lucrecia are not there right now as they are teaching at Bible Camp. My mother is staying at their house taking care of the children. Please keep her in your prayers as this is such a big and tiring task for her.
I am amazed at God’s attention to detail. God has brought out each caregiver to me at the right time. He knows my needs before I do. He knows their talents and arranged their stays in the most amazing way. I just got my taste buds back when Sandy arrived and I must say I have been enjoying myself completely under her culinary talents! Right before Sandy came out here, she made the mission trip to Guyana that I normally make with Mike. She came prepared to cook Guyanese food, including bringing a special pan for making their bread called roti. We had our third and best Guyanese meal last night. The problem is I like it so much I eat more than my poor stomach can handle.
Speaking of my caregivers…I have never seen such sacrificial love. The women who have come out have left their families, their responsibilities, their comfort to serve me in ways I never knew I would need. There are so many requirements for my safety and care that it is really overwhelming. Each person, though, has come in, found out what needs to be done and preformed marvelously. There is daily laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning, “baby sitting” me when Mike has to leave, watching for side effects in me, and then just putting up with me 24/7. That, in itself, can be taxing enough for anyone! I praise God for these godly women who have put their lives on hold to minister to me in such a unique and powerful way. They have shown me the love of Jesus through their servant hearts. God knew I couldn’t do this without them and has so compassionately provided for me.
“Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. You have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood in your striving against sin.” Hebrews 12:1-4
Kris
Update: Monday, August 9, 2004
I have been doing a lot of thinking lately and that is what I want to share, but I would be amiss if I didn’t give some kind of update. The insights I want to discuss aren’t quite formed completely in my mind, so I will end up writing about those soon, but not today.
Saturday morning I woke up about 3 a.m. with another migraine. We couldn’t get clear of it ourselves, so we were off to the hospital. Actually, getting in and out of the hospital as a past transplant patient is easier than I thought. There is no paperwork, I just give them my little “green” card and I’m back in a room being taken care of…no waiting. No waiting except for the pharmacy to bring meds up to the floor. That seemed to take an unnecessarily long time, but then, they are servicing the entire hospital. I was in the hospital only about 5 hours and left when the headache subsided. All day Saturday I had that “hung over” feeling again. My dad came out to visit in the evening and thankfully my head was clearing by then. It was great to spend time with him, we had a wonderful visit.
Sunday morning’s episode began about 2:20 a.m. We were successful in catching this headache early and armed with my nasal Imetrex and a couple other drugs, we were able to stave off a full blown cycle. Yah! Dad was able to come out for a few hours again on Sunday and what a blessing it was. After a great visit, he led us in a time of worshipful prayer. After he had gone, Mike, Sandy, and I spent time focusing on Jesus, shared in some things we have been learning through our trials, then shared together in the Lord’s Supper and songs of praise. What a glorious Sunday! I missed not having my video tape from Lexington, but I’m sure that means I will have two to enjoy this week.
I have not updated my blood counts in quite a while. The reason for that is that they are artificially raised due to the prednisone I am taking to fight off the Graph vs. Host in my stomach, so are not representative of my real situation. Once I’m off the prednisone, the counts will become valid once more. My kidney function numbers are slowly returning to normal and we do rejoice in that news.
God continues to show me and teach me things, for which I am truly thankful. As I said earlier, more about that later.
Behold, the eye of the Lord is on those who fear Him, on those who hope for His lovingkindness. To deliver their soul from death and to keep them alive in famine. Our soul waits for the Lord; He is our help and our shield. For our heart rejoices in Him because we trust in His holy name. Let Your lovingkindness, O Lord, be upon us, according as we have hoped in You. Psalm 33:18-22
Kris
Update: Friday, August 6, 2004
I missed yesterday. I woke up at four AM with the worst migraine of my life. I took all the available medicines that we had, called the hospital and it was all to no avail. My migraine led me to have severe nausea and vomiting for the rest of the morning. Rather than checking into the hospital (which would have been infinitely more difficult to get out of) we went to the clinic. They checked me into a room and went through all the drugs that we tried and then they preceded trying new IV drugs to control the nausea and pain. They moved me into a darker quieter room and let me sleep in little bits. They went to the extent of ordering Imitrex from the UWMC pharmacy and having it shuttled over in a cab so that they could give it in shot form. After nine hours, discussions of checking me into the hospital, Mike (thankfully) made the call that he thought that I would be okay, they let me go home. Sandi had arrived about an hour or so earlier and Mike brought her over to ride home with me. Most of these memories are via Mike, as I can’t remember much of the day, thankfully. Thank you for your continued prayers.
Today has been much better, but still I am having troubles with my stomach. I feel like I have been swamped with the medications and am still reeling in the aftermath. My stomach is torn up from throwing up 10-12 times during yesterday. I have not gotten to that point again. What still bothers me is the pain that remains. I was reminded by one of my good friends that it is normal to have ups and downs in this process. I know that God is working through all of this. He has been so faithful. He is our loving Father and He is providing good things.
I was encouraged by a recent note from James:
“Is there no balm in Gilead?
Is there no physician there? (Jeremiah 8:22)
Yes! Yes there is! God is our physician! God is our great physician! Praise His name for His healing power conquers all diseases! His name is Yahweh, Jehovah, God Almighty, who forgives our sins and heals our diseases! Praise God and testify to His greatness. Lord God, hear our praise and prayers of thanksgiving. We will tell of your sufficiency in our trials. We will tell of your loving attendance upon us through the dark nights. We will tell of your healing touch. Most of all we will tell of the relationship we have with our Heavenly Father who cradles us in our hurt, nurtures us so that we may grow in Him and loves us from everlasting to everlasting. We will tell of your Son, Jesus, Name above all names, whose sacrifice and intercession gives us access to your throne. We will tell how laying our sin at His cross allows us to worship before your throne. We will tell how laying our burdens upon Jesus brought us Your peace. We will not be silent, oh Lord. Indeed we cannot be silent after all that we have seen and heard of your awesome might and power and love made so evident in our lives. We present ourselves anew, Mighty God as LIVING sacrifices. We dedicate our LIVES anew to share the Good News with others. We commit ourselves anew to LIVE for your glory! We will LIVE here as your witnesses for the time you have planned for us and we will LIVE in the house of the Lord forever.
Praise God our Father who created this LIFE!
Praise Jesus Christ our Saviour who redeemed this LIFE!
Praise the Holy Spirit our Comforter who indwells this LIFE!
This LIFE is yours, Oh Lord. We LIVE for Thee.” -- James
Be encouraged and praise God with me.
Kris
Update: Wednesday, August 4, 2004
I must write of our most recent major victory! To be sure, there are many…I slept last night, the doctor’s gave me some different meds to help with my stomach issues, and my kidney function numbers came down a little! But nothing compares to the fantastic news I received at the end of my clinical appointment yesterday evening. It had been an extremely long and taxing day…especially with me only having three hours of sleep the night before. I had lab tests, two classes to attend, and two appointments with doctors, nurses, and dieticians. The schedule got a little backed up and our 3:00 p.m. appointment didn’t occur until 4:00 p.m. and didn’t end until 5:00. During the last appointment we were discussing all my “minor” problems and almost completely forgot to ask about the bone marrow test results. As we were walking away, Mike turned back and caught the nurse and asked, “By the way, we never found our how Kris’ tests results turned out?” We all got back into a huddle around my file and peered at each form. Pat, our nurse, said, “Congratulations, it’s a boy!” What she meant is this, the chromosome samples are completely Mason’s (XY), there was nothing seen that was left over from me! All the results they have at the time look normal for a recovering bone marrow transplant patient whose transplant was SUCCESSFUL. Of course, I am 5 years out from doctors saying that I am cured, and there is a “chance” of relapse, but those are just statistics and I’ve already stated that I’m not concerned about statistics because my trust is in the Lord! Well, we started to walk away and I just became so overcome with joy and praise I had to step into an empty exam room to cry and praise God! Mike and I had a time of praising and thanking God that I can’t explain. The joy, relief, freedom, and release of all the emotions we bottled up for the past eight months come flooding out and it felt so GOOD! We are still praising God for his work as the “Great Physician!” I know it was only through His plan and His power that this all worked. I feel so cherished by my Lord, knowing that he cares for even me.
Kris
Update: Tuesday, August 3, 2004
This is a quick update and some specific prayer requests. Kris has had trouble sleeping the last few nights. Each night has been less sleep than the previous. She has tried sleep aids, she's not napping during the day any more. She had been taking 2-4 hour naps. So, last night she got only 3 hours of restless sleep and she needs more. Please pray that she can get the sleep that she needs. A second request is for her kidney function. Yesterday's blood test showed that they don't appear to be functioning properly. It appears as if she isn't drinking when in fact she is drinking more than should be expected. We are scheduled for follow up blood work today and we have a meeting with the team this afternoon. Please keep her in your prayers. Thank God for the good things that have happened so far and for the good that He will do and lay this new burden at His feet. No sleep is starting to get Kris down and we want to lay everything before the Father.
Mike
Update: Sunday, August 1, 2004
What a fun and exhausting day it has been! We celebrated Kaylee’s birthday with all the children and the Chases. We had great barbeque from Texas, thanks to James who had visited last week. We threw in some Thai sticky rice, a family favorite, some fresh fruits and veggies and topped in all off with cake and ice cream. We opened presents, everyone got some thanks to the 3rd grade class at Lexington Church of Christ. The children enjoyed playing with their toys while waiting in turn for haircuts. By the time they left I was completely exhausted but happy.
It has been an honor to pray for those who sent in prayer requests. Please continue to do so. Everyday I am bringing these names before God and it is a precious time I would not give up for anything. Don’t worry about overwhelming me, I have lots of free time and God is blessing me through this ministry.
I do not have all the results back from the bone marrow test but I should get the rest early this week. What I have so far looks good. As of Friday, they had found no abnormalities in the bone marrow they removed from my hip. I am looking forward to hearing that further tests show no leukemia cells.
Matt was struggling with something today and I shared with him James 1:2-4 so I will close with that scripture.
“Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” James 1:2-4
Kris
Update: Sunday, August 1, 2004
Good morning. It is before 7:00 a.m. so not much has happened today, but I have to write about what happened just last night! I can hardly contain my joy and excitement! Mikey and Matt returned home from Bible camp and gave us a call. It was great hearing from them and hearing the excitement in their voices. Mikey had the best news of all. He said that during the week he had been really thinking about it and he had decided to put on our Lord in baptism. I cried with joy. We did not want to make him wait any longer so we asked Darrell to go ahead and fill the baptistery and we would meet them there at 7:30 p.m. You should have seen Mikey. He absolutely glowed with anticipation and excitement. I told him that he was making the most important decision of his life and asked why he wanted to do this. My sweet 11 year old son said, “I love Jesus, I want Him to be the Lord of my life, I want my sins forgiven, I want to be right with God and I want to go to heaven.” I don’t know if anyone could say it better! Mike put on the big waders and went down into the water with Mikey, took his confession and baptized him into Christ. Nothing makes us prouder than for our children to choose Jesus as their Lord. Amen!
What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin so that grace may increase? May it never be! How shall we who died to sin still live in it? Or do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus have been baptized into His death? Therefore, we have been buried with Him through baptism into death, so as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, so we to might walk in newness of life. For if we have become united with Him in the likeness of His death, certainly we shall also be in the likeness of His resurrection, knowing this, that our old self was crucified with Him in order that our body of sin might be done away with, so that we would no longer be slaves to sin; for he who has died is freed from sin. Now if we have died with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with Him, knowing that Christ, having been raised from the dead is never to die again; death no longer is master over Him. For the death that He died, He died to sin once for all; but the life that He lives, He lives to God. Even so consider yourselves to be dead to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus. Romans 6:1-11
Praise God with us for this new life in Christ!
Kris
Update: Sunday, August 1, 2004
Update: Saturday, July 31, 2004
ADDENDUM
On July 26th we asked for prayers to see a vision for what God’s plan is for us during this time of waiting. I believe He has answered me. I am feeling pretty good today so I made several phone calls. It seemed that everyone I spoke to had a physical or spiritual prayer need. As I was adding each person to my prayer list, it became so clear what God wants me to be doing. I believe I am to spend my time, as God is healing me, to pray for others. What a wonderful revelation He has given me. So, if you have any prayer needs or even praise items, PLEASE email them to me. I want to be doing what God has planned for me and I need you to bring any prayer requests to my attention. Thank you for allowing me to serve you and our Father in this way.
Update: Saturday, July 31, 2004
All good news this morning! The two pints of red blood cells infused into me has brought my Hematocrit from 25% up to 35%. Needless to say, I feel like I have much more energy than I did over the past few days. (For those who are use to Hemoglobin numbers, I was down from the normal 12 to 8.6.) What amazes me is that I was actually able to do a little aerobics during that low time.
The endoscopy went well. There was a time during the procedure I tried to explain that the tube down my throat was uncomfortable, but as soon as I started mumbling and using my hand to touch my mouth, the nurse quickly gave me another dose of “la-la juice” and I was “out” until moved to the recovery room. The doctor did find Graph vs. Host Disease (GVHD) in my stomach, but it isn’t too bad. He prescribed a little prednisone and Beclometh and Velacyclovir. He thinks that I should be feeling much better by Monday. Before the procedure, during my clinical visit he asked, “Do you want to hear some good news?” He went on to explain that he fully anticipated seeing GVHD in my stomach, but there is over an 85% chance that since I am not having symptoms anywhere else, that this may very well be the only trouble I get from GVHD. Wouldn’t that be wonderful? Remember, a little GVHD is good. Small amounts of GVHD help my new cells fight any residual old cells. Praise God! He again showers his mercy on me. Now, if I develop something later, I will still praise God because He will, at that moment, give me the grace to handle it. I am just thankful for the current good news.
Today is Kaylee’s fourth birthday. She had a party with her little friends from church on Wednesday afternoon at Darrell and Lucrecia’s house. It was a complete success! Lucrecia made little purses for each girl, and made Kaylee feel like a princess! I don’t want to miss out on celebrating the day so tomorrow after church they are bringing my children out to the apartment and we will have a family birthday party for her. I am so looking forward to this!
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the Lord and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your body and refreshment to your bones. Proverbs 3:5-8
Kris
Update: Thursday, July 29, 2004
I haven’t told you all that has been going on lately. My red blood cell counts have dropped over the past couple of days so today I had two pints of RBC’s infused over a four hour period. Also, over the past four days my nausea and vomiting have increased. To find out the root cause I will be having an endoscopic procedure tomorrow. The doctor will be checking my stomach for GVHD or bacteria. If nothing is found, we may try a different brand of cyclosporine to see if that helps.
On a brighter side, I was able to see Kaylee and Mason today for a little while. They seem to grow bigger everyday. Kaylee is getting so independent, I wonder where she gets it. Mikey and Matt come home from Bible camp on Saturday. I look forward to seeing them again. This is their first time alone at a Bible camp. I am sure they are enjoying themselves. Sunday, we are planning a birthday party for Kaylee here at the apartment. I am looking forward to celebrating my baby’s fourth birthday.
Jan and I did a little bit of aerobics today. Nothing to brag about, but isn’t it the thought that counts. We also walked to the clinic twice today. Did I mention it is very hilly in Seattle? It is not an easy walk, at least, not at the moment.
We received the video of last Sunday’s service today. I really enjoy praising God with my brothers and sisters even if it is a week later. The singing lifts my spirits and it was fantastic to see two people put on Christ in baptism. I know the angels in heaven are rejoicing even more than we can.
As I was reading the bulletin that was sent to me, the scripture spoke to me and I want to include it here for everyone to read:
“Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, who he has given us.” (Romans 5:1-5)
Kris
Update: Wednesday, July 28, 2004
Yesterday was fantastic! Once I describe the day there may be questions as to my definition of fantastic, so let me settle that right now. For me, fantastic no longer means I have the best circumstances. It doesn’t mean everything was easy or went “my way.” Now, and I pray forever, a fantastic day is a day when I feel the presence of God, when I see Him more clearly, and when He is the focus of my day!
Yesterday I went to the clinic to have my “regular” bone marrow aspiration. Each time before this the procedure was preformed with just a shot for pain. Well, I had had enough of that! I explained to my nurse that I would be happy to give them a sample of my bone marrow as long I did not have to feel it! They kindly agreed and I had my procedure under conscious sedation. The problem? I forgot to ask for pain medication for AFTER the procedure as I have before. So, what I didn’t feel then, I feel now. I definitely have a “hitch in my get along!” With this procedure, the doctors will find out if my transplant worked. There is a lot riding on this test. I am praying that they only find Mason’s cells and no left over Leukemia cells from me. Some of the results I won’t know for a week or two.
My counts from Monday’s blood draw are good. WBC – 2.57, Neutrophils – 1.19, Hematocrit – 30%, Platelets – 87. The only big change is the platelets, and they had quite a jump.
Now, before I continue with Tuesday, I have to relay a story from Monday. Jan left the apartment for a while and went onto another floor where there are puzzles, games, books, and videos to borrow. So what does she come back with? A game to help entertain me? No! A puzzle to work with me to help pass the time? Yes, but she didn’t stop there. She came back with a Jane Fonda workout tape and one on the Olympics. So, of course, I opt for the one on the Olympics. Every story on the tape was of a person who had to overcome insurmountable health obstacles to win at the Olympic Games. So, when the video was over I said something like, “Well wasn’t that nice.” But Jan gets up, starts moving the coffee table and puts in the Jane Fonda tape. Now is it just me, or do you think I was set up! I gave in. I did the aerobics with her and I lasted about 15 minutes. The only thing that saved me from them yesterday was my bone marrow aspiration, so I’m afraid I will be stuck doing them again today.
Ok, back to Tuesday. We had such a sweet gift from God, our precious Father that I have to share it. A while back, I shared on the website a prayer we received from a friend, James, from Texas. Well, what I didn’t share is that Mike and I had never met him. God lead James to my website and he has been a daily encouragement to us ever since. I believe God delights in his children. I believe He loves doing things to make us smile. Yesterday was one of those days. James, who had never been sent to Seattle for work before, was sent here for several days. God allowed James to have free evenings, so he was able to come by our apartment yesterday. What a gift! We had already been introduced to his heart, but now we were able to meet the person that goes with it. We talked until late, not wanting the evening to end. He encouraged us with scripture and made us laugh with some of the funniest stories I have ever heard. The best part is he will be coming by tonight as well! I know God is smiling down on me. I am so thankful to our Father who cares so much for me that not only cares about the “big” things like cancer, but the little things like our joy.
Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1:2-3
Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13
Kris
Update: Monday, July 26, 2004
I want to start by thanking those who have sent emails. It is so encouraging to turn on the computer and find a friendly greeting. I wish I could return all the emails I get, or for that matter any of the emails I get, but I don’t seem to be at that point yet.
The sailboat trip was great fun for the kids and a great nap for me; some days just require more sleep than others. These sailboat trips are expressly for the Cancer Center patients and families. It is a great way to relax without risk of contamination. It was a very hot day and heat seems to take away both my appetite and my energy. The last two days, however, have been quite brisk. The sun is shining but there is a very cool breeze in the air. This change has helped my appetite and my outlook.
Mike and I walked to the clinic this morning for regular blood work and chest X-ray. We received the results from yesterday’s blood work and were very pleased with the numbers: WBC – 2.45, Neutrophils – 1.32, Hematocrit – 30%, Platelets – 69. For those of you who have been tracking these numbers you can see that Mason’s marrow is engrafting nicely.
Eating is not as simple as it used to be. I will ask for something that sounds good but when I put it in my mouth, many foods taste completely different than anticipated. Sometimes it is a sour taste, other times it just doesn’t agree with my stomach. (This is not Jan’s fault, for all of you who were thinking it because we know you are out there.) But today for lunch, I had Stouffer’s Swedish Meatballs and found that my mouth and stomach both enjoyed it. I have never had them before so maybe the key is to only eat foods I haven’t tried before.
I have a method for getting my pills down so that is no longer an issue. I am only hooked up for magnesium once a day through my Hickman catheter and that only lasts two hours. Other than that I am free to move around whenever I want. If I try to move while I am hooked up, I just have to remember to take my bag with me.
Specific prayers requests are: a continual rise in my blood counts, minimum Graft-vs-Host Disease GVHD, increased energy, increased appetite and a vision for what God’s plan is for us during this time of waiting.
“Teach me Lord to wait down upon my knees
‘Til in your own good time
You will answer my pleas
Teach me not to rely on what others do
But to wait in pray for an answer from you.
Those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength
They shall mount up with wings like the eagle
They shall run and not grow weary
They shall walk and not faint
Teach me Lord, teach my Lord to wait
(Song from Isaiah 40)
Kris
Update: Saturday, July 24, 2004
I am up hours before the rest of my caregivers will be getting up. I’m not sleeping well. I am constantly hitting my backspace key this morning, so I guess I can’t type well either. The twitching/tremors are still pretty bad, which is why I’m up so early. I am not able to get a restful nights’ sleep because of it. My father has “Restless Leg Syndrome” and the symptoms are basically the same. The doctor’s don’t know why I am suffering in this way, so we just keep trying different things hoping each new idea will provide an answer and relief.
In about two hours, Darrell will be bringing the children here. We then will go down to Lake Union and will have a two hour sailboat ride. The sailboat is the Schooner Mallory Todd and can hold 40+ passengers, but this trip will be mostly just our family. Since I can’t be around a crowd, that works out nicely.
My sister is leaving today, but will be coming back in September. I will miss having her here. Jan made it here safely yesterday! It is so good to see hear again. I know there are those who doubt Jan’s ability to cook for me…yes those rumors have reached my ears, all the way up to Washington. All fears can be laid to rest; she made me a terrific tuna salad yesterday, even after her long day of travel.
My spirits are up this morning even though I am tired. I am thankful for the extra prayers said for me after my last update. I rely heavily on my prayer warriors.
I praise God for each of you,
Kris
Update: Thursday, July 22, 2004
It is God, and God alone whom is keeping me sane during this time. To speak frankly, though, I’m really not so sure how sane I feel. Last night it was time to take my medicine (those 14 horrid pills I take twice a day) and I just simply, but politely refused. Mike and Cheri thought I was just fooling around until I hid my face and the tears began to flow. How can I begin to explain what I am feeling? I feel overwhelmed by my situation. It’s not just the pills, it’s everything. In addition to the continual oral medication, there are fluids through IV, constant nausea, fatigue, disorientation, feelings of being completely out of control, missing daily contact with the children, missing friends from home, unsure of what happens next and really just wanting to feel well now. I feel like, “I’ve had my transplant, why don’t I feel better?” Of course I know this is not how it works, but it’s easy to fall into that frame of mind. I continue to have a side effect from the Cyclosporine that manifests itself in my feet and hands. My feet and hands will have the appearance and feeling of having been scalded. The only relief that I have found is to wrap them in wash clothes soaked in ice water. This isn’t all the time but it seems to happen twice a day or so. I take an antibiotic IV which will end this weekend and I have to have a regular bag of hydration (saline mixed with magnesium) until I can drink enough liquids to meet my daily requirements. This hasn’t been as easy as it sounds. Mike and Cheri are my liquid police. The make sure that I always have a drink handy, even when I am not thirsty. They also have to keep a detailed log of each ounce consumed so that the doctors will be satisfied. Only then, will I stop the extra hydration. I still seem so attached to pumps for now. Now, I know that this all sounds really depressing and I suppose that if this is all I focused on, it would be. For all fellow Princess Bride movie fans, I feel like I am in the “Pit of Despair.” But my reality is not the pit, this is my reality:
I waited patiently for the Lord and He inclined to me and heard my cry. He brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay, and He set my feet upon a rock making my footsteps firm. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God; many will see and fear and will trust in the Lord. How blessed is the man who has made the Lord his trust, and has not turned to the proud, nor to those who lapse into falsehood. Many, oh Lord my God, are the wonders which You have done, and Your thoughts towards us; there is none to compare with You. If I would declare and speak of them, they would be too numerous to count. I have proclaimed glad tiding of righteousness in the great congregation; behold I will not restrain my lips, oh Lord, you know. I have not hidden Your righteousness within my heart; I have spoken of Your faithfulness and Your salvation; I have not concealed Your lovingkindness and Your truth from the great congregation. You, oh Lord, will not withhold Your compassion from me; Your lovingkindness and Your truth will continually preserve me. Be pleased, oh Lord, to deliver to me. Make haste, oh Lord, to help me. Let all those who seek You rejoice and be glad in You; let those who love Your salvation say continually, “The Lord be magnified!” Since I am afflicted and needy, let the Lord be mindful of me. You are my help and deliverer. Do not delay, oh my God.
Psalm 40 (selected verses)
The Lord be magnified!
Kris
Update: Tuesday, July 20, 2004
Another quick update. Things are going well. God be praised! We have properly survived the first night and day at the apartment. There were quite a few glitches getting out of the hospital with waiting for the doctors, the pharmacy, the supplies, the paperwork, etc. In the end we left around 6pm. Kris was hungry and we went straight home to make something to eat. We then proceeded to try to figure out how to organize all the medicines into time slots for Kris to take that would work for a schedule. We had to give her an IV antibiotic and realized that we had come home without the proper saline and Heparin rinsing solutions. So, I made some calls, ran up to the clinic (now close) and got enough to get us through the night. When I got back we got set up, hooked up and found out our pump wasn’t working. Another trip up to the clinic (fortunately they have an evening nurse there until midnight) and the nurse swapped out our pump for us. It worked. Of course, over the course of today, we have realized that we want to change up the schedule of the meds and adjust things so that they are most beneficial to Kris and her optimal feeling. So, that is the new objective. She has done admirably taking her Cyclosporine. I guess we are three complete days in a row without an incident of tossing them. Thanks to God again.
Today, we had clinic visits again to get ourselves back in the routine of dealing with outpatient life. I went to some classes: food safety, and transition. Kris had labs drawn. Let me give you the numbers yesterday: WBC: 1.39, Neutrophils: 0.51, Hematocrit: 30, Platelets: 31. For today: WBC: 1.56, Neutrophils: 0.61, Hematocrit: 31, Platelets: 36. These are good numbers and God is giving us comfort with them. We should keep having labs drawn daily for this week and it will become less and less as the days go by. We will also, probably only get results the next day. As long as things keep moving in the positive direction, there will be not much to report except possible milestones. I mentioned Kris needing an IV antibiotic. We will keep administering this for another 5 days or so and then it should go away. Also, they want Kris to be regularly consuming 2500ml of fluids daily. When she does this, the hydration pump will also cease. There is only magnesium that tends to be depleted and they will probably look to keep that in the IV form. Right now they just add it to the hydration. This is a five hour bag. They straight magnesium would be no more than 2 and probably shorter than that. Just a note, we have seen no significant signs of GVHD (graft vs. host disease) and that is okay by us. Keep praying that we will continue to glorify God through all of this. He is definitely the one who should be given all the glory as He has carried us. Thank you for the prayers, the love and all the support. God bless you.
Mike
Update: Monday, July 19, 2004
Well, this is going to be quick. I just want share an item of praise. We are getting out of the hospital today! We have been packing up and consulting with all the different doctors who are following the case. We hope to be out of here before supper tonight. Praise God! Kris has done very well with the Cyclosporine by taking a lot of small pills and “chasing them” with juice. We have been given a lot of good ideas about how to go about this, but this is working and for now that’s what counts. I can tell you Kris really didn’t think that she was going to be able to do this. I know that all the prayers have helped. God is faithful, He deserves our praise. There will be more later and I can assure you there will be new hurdles, but for now I want to just get this news out and encourage everyone to feel free to rejoice with us. God is good.
Mike
Update: Sunday, July 18, 2004
The doctors came in this morning and said they are preparing the paperwork to release me in a few days. The only obstacle I have is one medication I need to take orally. The drug is Cyclosporine. I tried to take it in liquid form and tossed all my cookies down to my toes. I WILL NOT try that again. The only other option is to take gel filled pills. They normally give them in 5 pills: two good sized football shaped pills (25mg each) and 3 huge pills (100mg each). The bigger pills are just too large to even think about trying to take. So, I have requested to take 14 of the 25mg sized pills and try to take them over an extended period of time. A problem with the pills is that they stink. They literally tell me that I need to “air out the pills” for 10 minutes after removing them from their packaging. This reduces the smell somewhat but basically they really smell and taste bad. Unfortunately, the smell of the Cyclosporine triggers a gag reflex. This is truly a massive hurdle for me. I can’t see how I can get by this. I need prayers, I need God’s help.
After this morning’s visit, this hurdle really seems to be our focus. Yesterday, I wanted to give up. I just wanted to get out of here. I want to praise God that He has carried me this far. I was listening to a Michael W. Smith CD yesterday shortly after the Cyclosporine incident and he was singing about the sacrifice that Jesus made for us. Jesus went through the trials for us often without the comfort of friends. He had God for the bulk of the time, but for a time on the cross even God turned His back and Jesus went on alone for us. Who am I to feel bad and want to give up when I look at what He did for me? God is good! Jesus is my Lord and I will go with Him anywhere. I can’t see how we will get to where He wants me to go, but I know that He lives and that He is always with me.
Let me tell you some good news. My counts continue improving. Here are today’s numbers: WBC: 1.60, Neutrophils: 0.58; Hematocrit: 30; Platelets: 39. I have been able to keep down all my necessary medicines orally (except the Cyclosporine), I have the counts above the required levels, I have been improving eating enough that they have taken me off the total parenteral nutrition, and my vital signs are all remaining stable and good. So, the real hurdle for me is the Cyclosporine. As I write, I have taken 7 of the 14 tablets for my morning dose. I need to take the other 7 in the next couple of hours. I am going to try to get down a few while I try to eat lunch. I can’t tell you how difficult this is for me. I will need to take these two doses a day for a total of six months. I have to get over this so that I can go on. He that is within me is stronger than that which is in the Cyclosporine.
My spirits were greatly lifted when I received the reports from Guyana. What a blessing our Guyanese brethren are to us. What a wonderful thing to hear about how well Kristen did adapting to the conditions and culture. What a fabulous report about Allen falling in the mud. Did I say fabulous, I meant…tragic? Really, it is wonderful to hear of our faithful family in Guyana continuing to spread the good news to the people of their communities. Praise God! Again, I say praise Him! Father, bless the ministers of Your word in Guyana. Thank you for raising up Allen, Jeff, Sandi and Kristen to go pray, teach, preach and encourage. Thank you for being faithful.
It has been such a joy being able to join in our Lexington church family’s services via video. We love seeing their faces, hearing their singing and listening to the sermons. We miss their fellowship more than I can say. God bless you on this Lord’s day.
Kris
Update: Saturday, July 17, 2004
Guess what? It’s me, it’s really me. How good it is to feel well enough to update a bit. I feel a bit disconnected. I no longer have a sense of time. I am constantly asking, “What day is it?” My time in the hospital has just all run together. I have forgotten more days than I can remember. Part of that, I believe, is because of the continual pain medicine they had running through me. In addition to that, I had a PCA (Patient Controlled Analgesic) for any additional pain that found its way into my consciousness. A few days ago I told the doctors I could do without the continuous flow (I wanted to be somewhat coherent during the day). Two days ago they turned it off but left me the PCA. I believe what I have been experiencing since then is called “withdrawal.” So, to any of you out there considering recreational drug use (including coffee-ha-ha) JUST SAY NO! It is too easy to become addicted and too miserable to free yourself from it. The tremors are the worst. In the words of Golum (from the Lord of the Rings), “It was my precious!” Ok, maybe not quite that bad, but you get the idea. Hey, I even look like him right now, no hair. The similarity stops there (I hope) as I am wearing clothes. Speaking of that, I have received such wonderful leisure wear (pajamas) to wear each day at the hospital. Constantly I am receiving complements on my fashion. I can’t take any of the credit, though; they have all been loving gifts from my mom and friends. Now, a question just ran through my mind, which I should probably let it run back out, but I’m wondering, do they think I would wander around like Golum if they didn’t dress me?
Drum roll, please! My numbers for yesterday: WBC: 0.94; Neutrophils: 0.35; Hematocrit: 32; Platelets: 53. My numbers for today: (Drum roll increasing!!!) WBC: 1.10; Neutrophils: 0.53; Hematocrit: 30; Platelets: 43. Notice the neutrophils for today. Having reached the 0.50 mark, I have met one of the goals required to leave the hospital. Praise our loving Father! I am working on the other ones: taking my medicines by mouth (rather than IV), eating more than throwing up (enough to basically sustain me), and that all my vitals are strong. So, these are the things that I need specific prayers about. God has taken care of everything so far and I know that He will continue. Though when I look at the size of some of the pills I need to take, I’m thinking it may take a miracle. The doctors say I may get out by early next week. Please pray that this will become a reality.
The kids are planning a visit this morning. This is a very emotional topic for me. I can’t seem to talk about my children without crying, as I am doing right now. I have been too long without them. “And that’s all I have to say about that.” (Forrest Gump/Kris Bridges)
These things I have spoken to you while abiding with you. But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all that I said to you. Peace I leave you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful. You heard I said to you, “I go away and I will come to you.” If you loved Me, you would have rejoiced because I go to the Father, for the Father is greater than I. John 14:25-28
Kris
Update: Thursday, July 15, 2004
We have cause to praise God. He is worthy of praise. He keeps His promises. He listens to His children. He has shown us perfect love and it drives out fear. God is in control. He is our Father. He allows us to rest peacefully in His care. Praise Him everyday.
Today has been a good day. We start every morning with news of the night, which went pretty well, and then follow directly with the results from the blood tests of each night. Today’s counts are as follows: WBC: 0.79; Neutrophils: 0.23; Hematocrit: 31; Platelets: 10. Platelets being at 10 means Kris received a unit of platelets today. There was a bit of an inauspicious start to the day. Kris got up this morning to do her walking and started clearing her throat and ended up choking and throwing up. She has a strange reaction when she throws up. Her skin all turns beet red like she has been scalded and it feels like she’s burning up. We have to get wash clothes in cold/ice water and then cool her back down. Once she cools down, things get better pretty quickly. In fact, within minutes of the episode, we walked several laps around the transplant ward and she felt fine.
The doctors came in for their normal daily rounds and proclaimed that everything is doing well. Today they took Kris off all regular pain meds. Kris only takes meds as needed for pain and basically she hasn’t had to take much. Praise God! Her throat and mouth are healing. Now this by no means that she is out of pain. Now though, she is able to deal with the pain basically without analgesics. Let’s move on now to getting food down and keeping it down. Kris did eat about a quarter of a hamburger. We’re moving up in the world.
I went to a class about IV pumps in preparation for our transition to the apartment. There will be several other classes to make sure that we are prepared to deal with the compromised immune system that Kris will have. It is nice to be moving into this phase. Let’s continue to pray that all the parts that need to come together will. God has a plan and we will accept it.
Oh give thanks to the Lord, for He is good. For His lovingkindness is everlasting. Let the redeemed of the Lord say so, whom He has redeemed from the hand of the adversary and gathered from the lands, from the east and from the west, from the north and from the south. They wandered in the wilderness in a desert region; they did not find a way to an inhabited city. They were hungry and thirsty; their soul fainted within them. Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble; He delivered them out of their distresses.
Ps. 107:1-6.
Mike
Update: Wednesday, July 14, 2004
Well, here is the story of the day. God is good and He has given us several good items to praise Him about. Let me start with the numbers: WBC: 0.77; Neutrophils: 0.16; Hematocrit: 31; Platelets: 11. The only number currently surprising is the neutrophils and it is low. However, with the overall white blood cells coming up so well, we have every reason to think that the neutrophils will fall in line pretty quickly. Kris woke up with good energy today. She walked about four laps in the morning and four in the evening. She is back to having fun joking back and forth with the doctors and nurses. I praise God for a feisty wife with a great spirit. Everyone enjoys her. We had to say good bye to Jen. She was our first nurse and has been such a blessing to us. She is off to get married and honeymoon. We plan to be out of here before she returns. Thank God for the blessing of putting us together. We rave about the hospital and the care here in large part to the influence on her care. We will miss her.
I got to spend most of the day with Kaylee. The boys went on a yacht, watched a magician and played in some tide pools at the beach. While the boys were out with the children from the Hutch School, Kaylee and I visited Mom briefly. It was very sweet. She made sure that Kris knew that she knows she loves her. She made her pictures and had plenty to tell her. When we got out of the parking garage, Kaylee was sitting in the back seat and I heard her start praying in a childlike semi-whisper. “Dear God, dear Jesus, please help Mommy get better.” I looked in the rear view mirror and smiled and she caught my eye and said, “I was asking Jesus to come down and make Mommy better.” What a blessing for us. The innocent prayers of children are so pure and I know they touch God’s heart in a very powerful way. We went from the hospital and had a picnic lunch (she wanted McDonald’s) at a park. We then made our way to a store to buy a “fancy” notebook that she “dreamed” about and some crayons so Kaylee could make more pictures for Kris. She is at that wonderful age where she just can’t make enough pictures for those she loves.
Kris didn’t only have good times. She has been trying to eat stuff and there are still the various side effects of the cyclosporine and other new meds that she needs. She got sick and threw up in the early afternoon, but was able to recover nicely enough so I could bring all the children back for a short visit. I picked up the boys from the school and we all went over to the hospital for another cleaning practice run and a brief visit with Mom. They have all seemed to adapt to Kris not having hair on her head. It is good for them and Kris to get some time in together. The visits are brief, but we wouldn’t trade them. God has been so good to allow us to all be here close enough to spend time as a family. The rest of the afternoon and all evening Kris has done very well and she is sleeping nicely as I type right now. I will need to close soon. I just want to tell one more little story. There is a nurse’s assistant who came from Africa here on our floor. He has taken a liking to us and tonight he was able to get a hold of a very nice leather recliner and he took our “hospital pull out bed chair thing” out and put the recliner in. I am struggling to decide where to sleep. We have a pretty nice fold down cot, but the recliner is quite tempting. God just keeps giving us little blessings.
Just a brief section of a Psalm to end on:
My soul, wait in silence for God only,
For my hope is from Him.
He only is my rock and my salvation,
My stronghold; I shall not be shaken.
On God my salvation and my glory rest;
The rock of my strength, my refuge is in God.
Trust in Him at all times, O people;
Pour out your heart before Him;
God is a refuge for us.
Ps. 62:5-8
Mike
Update: Tuesday, July 13, 2004
God be praised! “Our God is an awesome God, He reigns from Heaven above with wisdom, power and love, our God is an awesome God.” I like that He is doing the reigning. His qualities make Him suited to reign. Let Him reign! The past couple of days have gone by quickly and yet so slowly at the same time. Sunday morning we got the numbers from Saturday night’s labs. The counts are as follows: WBC: 0.38; Neutrophils: 0.18; Hematocrit: 32; Platelets: 39. These are good numbers as we expected. After that good news, Sunday was a tough day. Redemption for the day came with knowing that we have large groups of faithful brothers and sisters praying for us and we remember our Savior who gave His all for us. We can only submit and give Him whatever we have. The doctors decided that there was nothing to worry too much about from the test of the liver function. However, Kris’ blood pressure went up and they decided to try some blood pressure medicine. It seemed to help, the numbers went down. Later in the evening, though, things turned sour. There were some scheduling issues and we were given a “fill-in” nurse. Everyone said that she had great credentials, but she just wasn’t adept as the normal nurses. It seemed that every time she turned around something just wasn’t going so well. There were alarms, new drugs, high blood pressure readings, extra tests and Kris’ pajamas got wet and she had to change. Basically it was a slap-stick comedy except it was real life with us living it. Each time Kris seemed to just fall asleep, she was startled awake. The result was four pretty violent episodes of vomiting and ensuing pain. She ended up with a migraine headache but because of other conditions, there was nothing that they could give her. What she needed was a dark room and sleep and what she was getting was startled awake with bright lights and alarms and bumbling hands poking and prodding her. Finally, at 4 am, there was relief. In spite of having been told that there were no nurses to help, God brought in one of our normal nurses and we ended the night with some calm and some sleep for the final three hours of the shift.
Monday morning, the counts were as follows: WBC: 0.38; Neutrophils: 0.17; Hematocrit: 33; Platelets: 23. Kris slept much of the day but did throw up once in the early afternoon. The doctors settled on a blood pressure medicine. They also put Kris on another antibiotic targeting skin infection. They have a small concern that the Hickman line might have a small infection starting at the opening. I know you know, Father, but please protect Kris from infection. The liver function values seemed to be stabilized and mostly it was a quiet day. I got some sleep in the apartment. That night we had our regular nurse and other than Kris’ dreams waking her up periodically, the night was very smooth. Praise God for days with short summaries.
Tuesday morning, the counts were as follows: WBC: 0.54; Neutrophils: 0.21; Hematocrit: 31; Platelets: 19. Praise God for numbers going up. We need to see the neutrophils above 0.50 before they will release Kris to outpatient. There are also a number of other items that they want to see. One of those is Kris eating and taking oral medications again. Well, she is diving in trying to make that happen. She had half a pancake and a bite of scrambled eggs at breakfast. She had some chicken broth, apple sauce and tried a number of different desserts during the afternoon. She ended the evening with a graham cracker with peanut butter on it. I am not sure that this will sustain her but she is making an effort to start stuff going down. The very good news is that she didn’t send anything back up all day. A day of blessings without number. The boys went with the Hutch school on a field trip to ride the duck. Seattle has amphibious bus tours. They ride around the city and on the lake all on one vehicle. After the field trip I got to bring them in to see Kris for a couple of minutes. It was nice for them to get a quick visit. It is also good practice to keep them in the habit of keeping themselves clean for Mama. Today they lowered the pain medicine level in Kris’ PCA and she stayed awake for the bulk of the day. She is much more coherent and actually watched a movie and played some games with Cheri. What a blessing to have her back and in a small enough amount of pain that she can actually spend the time with us.
Thank you, God for caring for us through this entire process. Thank you for Your plan. Please keep us soft and useful in Your hands. Glorify Yourself in our lives. Glorify Yourself in this place. Bless Your faithful children who have lifted up their voices to You. Thank you for blessing us with encouragement from our brothers and sisters at just the right time. Your timing is always perfect. May we always walk in step with Your drum. May Your will be done. Thank you for giving up access to Your throne through Christ. We love You. Please increase our faith.
Mike
Update: Monday, July 12, 2004
Our DSL internet connection has been down. I will journal some more in a little while. The short story is that the past couple of days have been mixed with some good moments but it seems more difficult times have been the norm. God is good and He will see us through. We ask Him for relief from the nausea and for some peaceful sleep. These seem to be the things that are lacking. I will follow with more details.
Mike
Update: Saturday, July 10, 2004
Today started off with good news. The counts were better. Kris has started showing her spunk again and that is really nice to see. She’s been joking with the doctors and nurses, at least for the time that I have been around. I seem to have missed the bulk of the day. I slept 10 hours right through the heart of the day. Cheri spent the entire day with Kris. The day started pretty well with Kris getting her voice back a little and her throat pain seeming to subside some. Alas, she still has a ways to go. Shortly after her morning shower, she got nauseated and threw up. There is nothing pleasant about that and it is less pleasant when your whole mouth, throat and all the way down are torn up with open sores. So, she had a bit of a step backwards. With that episode came some more pain and she ended up throwing up again in the early afternoon. The doctors decided to give her platelets, they had been borderline at 11 (they don’t want them below 10) to help with her throat. Possibly that will aid the healing process. It won’t hurt and she needed them anyway. So, I would expect good numbers all around in the morning. Kris has started swallowing a few things today. She swallowed some small sips of drink, some liquid medicine and even a small pill. I think Cheri told me she even tried to eat some tiny bites, but that it didn’t go so well. These all indicate that Kris is coming around. Praise God. Today the doctors did an ultra sound to check Kris’ liver. During an exam she noticed some pain. There was also a slightly elevated level on her liver function from the blood work. So, they are being cautious. All this is pretty normal with all the medications that she is taking. The doctor said that the liver was still “soft” and that is a good sign. They are also being careful because the GVHD could start showing itself now. For GVHD the nausea is a symptom to be careful to watch. All the symptoms and their meanings can get very convoluted. We just need to watch and pay attention to everything. It is again worthy to note that we have the Great Physician watching and He will keep everything straight. He doesn’t get confused and will control the situation rather than be like us who try to react appropriately. Thank you, Father for being there.
Kris seems to be sleeping pretty well tonight all in all. She is having a little trouble with some heartburn symptoms. She wakes up and has to sit up and let it settle – another symptom to watch.
I will sign off for the day. Praise God in everything. Give thanks continuously. We have nothing to fear. We have Jesus to speak on our behalf. We have The Spirit continuously ministering to our needs and comforting us. Let praise be ever on our lips.
Mike
Update: Saturday, July 10, 2004
Day 16: update on counts. WBC: 0.28; Neutrophils: 0.15; Hematocrit: 32; Platelets: 11. The quick summary: WBC is up, great; Neutrophils are up almost double, great; Hematocrit is way up, good; Platelets are down, expected. The neutrophils going up bodes very well for Kris to see healing in her mouth and throat in the near future. Praise God!!! Hematocrit is up from yesterday’s transfusion and should give Kris an energy boost. Kris will most likely need platelets tomorrow. Kris had an up and down night, again. This time, though, it was much more down than up. She slept a lot more. Another item for praise. I will keep this update brief as I am now going to sleep. I just wanted to get the good news out. I will most likely be journaling again tonight, but if things go well I might sleep the next night. So, more about today later. God is good.
Mike
Update: Friday, July 9, 2004
We made it through the night. That was the plan and it worked out. All in all, there was little incident. The morning’s counts came in and they were better. Not dramatically, but the neutrophils are climbing at a steady pace. Here are the numbers: WBC: 0.18; Neutrophils: 0.08; Hematocrit: 25; and Platelets: 16. Hematocrit at 25 means add red blood cells. They gave Kris 2 units today. Platelets at 16 looks like it will fall below 10 tomorrow which will then mean an infusion of platelets tomorrow. She might hold on for another day but she will need them this weekend. Right now we are still looking for big numbers in the neutrophil count because that should bring healing of the mouth and throat with it. That will also indicate that Mason’s marrow has done its thing. It is sometimes hard to imagine such an awesome immense God working His fingers in the tiny little cells and straightening things out. It is good to serve a God with limitless capabilities. I don’t often try to truly fathom God and I don’t really recommend it. It is better just to know that He is above all and worthy of all praise, reverence and respect.
After my early morning with Kris, I left Cheri to “keep watch” and went to Darrell and Lucrecia’s to pick up the boys. Mikey wanted to play laser tag for his birthday. So, we did. Mikey, Matt, Mason, Jerrod, Darrell and I went to the local family fun center and got a package deal. We played two games of laser tag and then decided to blow the balance of the package on arcade games. There was all manner of guns and shooting between the laser tag, Jurassic Park, Star Wars, and other miscellaneous arcade games. I am not sure where just plain pinball went. Of course, I had to get in on the action and collected some tokens and played some of the multiplayer games with Mason. I took the balance of my tokens to the other machines that just eat them. I tried one of those machines with the piles of candy where you use a joystick and direct a “grabber” over the candy you want and let it drop on a tray to push other candy you don’t want into a bin where you can get it. Well, that didn’t work. Both times I got these great handfuls of candies in the hooks but by the time it got to where it would drop the candy on the tray there was no candy left to drop. There seemed to be some well place jerking going on in the motion of the machine. So, I left that machine to try another money pit. This was the one that you drop a token in and falls on a tray that is sliding front and back. There are piles of tokens just waiting to drop. All you have to do is get that token to fall in the right spot, which you can’t. Well, I dropped one. It didn’t go where I wanted but a couple of tokens got pushed off anyway. Just enough to lure me in. So, I dropped another. Another token fell. I dropped a third and another token fell. Realizing the average has to be about a one for one rate and not really knowing the point. I started to back away and looked down. To my surprise the machine was spitting out tickets! Matt had made a concerted effort to collect as many tickets as possible and with his many tokens had actually acquired about 220. My machine was still spitting out tickets. I got 261 tickets. I promptly spent two more dollars for 8 tokens all for not. The subtle lack of sleep must have rendered me temporarily brain dead. The kids thought it was cool though and they gladly divided up the ticket to purchase all manner of worthless toys and candy. Somehow Mason took the longest to spend all his tokens even with a rock climbing adventure that took a third of them in one fell swoop. He missed the whole ticket episode and so I obliged him by getting 8 more token and we played another game together and came away with 160 tickets. The kids got more junk. The real impressive detail about the entire episode was that none of the kids complained or tried to say that they really didn’t have a good time. They all enjoyed themselves and even acted that way. Little blessings. I guess God decided that I could use a good reprieve.
The rest of the day with Kris was much of the same. Doctors and nurses in and out. Hang this bag of medicine, that antibiotic, total nutrition, a little fat, an anti-fungal drug, some saline, and so on and so on. Take vital here, weigh you there, take vitals again, check the “hats” in the toilet, “How is your pain?”, “Breakfast!”, “Snack!”, “Lunch!”, “Snack!”, etc, etc. Cheri says it is good for a nurse (she is one) to be sitting on the other side periodically. The nurses here are generally very good. That has been a blessing. Kris did take a few drinks of hot tea today. I am not sure that was a big change, but she is still trying to mix it up. The “mouth and throat doctor” came in today and told Kris she could try some over the counter oral care rinse to help with the dry mouth. Well, everything that we found said that there was no burning (no alcohol) but they all had a peppermint flavoring. She tried one and that was a mistake. There was still plenty of burning going on. I guess after all the rinsing she did after to try to alleviate the burning she got a little bit of relief from the dry mouth. It did nothing to help the pain.
Tonight, I am taking the night shift. I am just working the first night of a normal third shift like when I rotated back home. Our main daytime nurse is getting on to me to take care of myself. “You need to take care of yourself. Eat and sleep well.” she says. It’s good advice and I am trying.
Well, tonight this seems more like my journal than Kris’. Kris has basically lost her voice the past two days and I need to really lean in close to hear anything she says. She gives me a lot of signs to communicate. For now, she seems to have also lost her “voice” on the website. I will gladly give it back up when she starts feeling better. For now pray for our health. Pray that God continues to work His will. Kris continues to let it be known that she believes that “Kingdom Good” will be accomplished no matter the physical outcome or our perception of it.
Today, may God bless those who daily pray for us. May He touch you with His love. Bless the doctors and all those who need their care. Today, may He bless each of His servants with comfort, hope and strength.
Mike
Update: Friday, July 9, 2004
Well, here it is 3:45am and I am in my familiar place by Kris’ bedside. She has so much swelling, sores and mucus in her mouth and throat that she has fear of choking in her sleep. She needs sleep. Good peaceful sleep, but it wasn’t coming while she feared she would stop breathing. So, Cheri (her sister, who arrived yesterday) and I split the evening to sit awake by her bed to ease her mind that someone was paying attention for her. Well, so far on my shift, it has still been more up than down. I got back here around 2:30am and she has slept only 10-20 minutes during that spell. Oh, that I could take her place. God knows what is best and He is working His perfect plan. I just hate to see her suffering. I pray for relief for her. God, give her some peaceful sleep. Raise her counts. Bring the healing that comes with a whole body. We are fearfully and wonderfully made. Please bring glory to Yourself as You carry out Your will. I don’t understand, but I will trust You. You have shown Yourself loving and faithful, I will submit my will and desires to You. Thank you for loving us so completely. I know that you gave of Yourself when you gave Your only Son. You showed us how complete Your love is. Thank You.
Let me journal a little about yesterday. The day did not start well. It continued in the vein of the dismal days before. The night before the doctors decided to try Dilaudid in place of Fentanyl in Kris’ PCA (the pain control device). This did not work well. They were trying to help relieve the base level pain and eliminate some of the annoying side effects. The result was delusions. This was very disconcerting to Kris. She has already been sleep deprived and has had a little trouble concentrating, but it got to the point where she couldn’t tell reality from the mind games the drugs were playing out in her head. In short, we had them switch back to Fentanyl. The pain isn’t completely gone and she suffers from dry mouth, but the feeling of being mostly in control of her mind far outweighs the negatives. Also, if she is able to sleep a little more peacefully, it seems. This is subjective, but that is my impression.
The doctors came around. I am still not sure what I think about the new attending physician. This is really the first time that a transition has thrown me a little. He knows his stuff and is willing to adapt to Kris’ needs. These are good things, but we are in the toughest spell of the process so far and I feel that he hasn’t gone through it with us. I haven’t really got that sense from Kris and am not bringing it up. Most of the team of doctors in the group are the same and that helps. They talked about the difficulties that we are currently going through and as we also knew, these are very “normal.” They are not pleasant, though. In the end, when the new stem cells from Mason’s marrow engraft and Kris’ neutrophil counts come up, healing will come rapidly with that. That has been the message across the board from everyone with experience. Yesterday, the counts were as follows: WBC: 0.14; Neutrophils: 0.06; Hematocrit: 27; Platelets: 26. These are the best numbers for WBC and Neutrophils in the past 10 days. If we see increases again with the results from the tests this morning, we can have some confidence that we are turning the corner and approaching the healing stages. This will be very good. Alas, with every change through this process, comes new things to watch. As the new cells come on board we will encounter the first real opportunities of graft versus host disease—GVHD. This is the new cells attacking Kris’ body. We have been blessed with a wonderful match in Mason and have good confidence that this effect will be minimal. However, there is no assurance that an identical twin’s or even a person’s own blood won’t attack (reject) the host. It is such a good thing that we don’t have to rely on odds. Our God created us. He has the ability to do whatever He wills. He loves us to the point that He gave up His Son to die in our stead. He will work wonders in our lives and we have only to watch and praise Him. It is too evident to me that I think as an engineer and try to find logic but this is still my faith. Even when all logic fails and nothing makes sense, this does: God is good and He is love. Forever we will trust Him, forever we will praise His holy name.
Mike
Update: Wednesday, July 7, 2004
Well, today started off with the Laurel and Hardy show (or that’s what Kris called it). Somewhere around 5am she decided that she wanted to call Fran’s cell and wish her a good flight and thank her for coming. Well, she couldn’t find the number and that led into an episode of knocking things over, bumping into the balloon strings that were on her bed rail which then sent the balloons banging her about the head, then dropping things and more balloons banging about and so on for a good 10 minutes. All this served only as a frustration (humorous in hindsight) but nothing bad, really. She was upset that I was awake – she had hoped to be quiet. Finally, she called Carla back home (8am their time) and got Fran’s cell number. As she was ending the call with Carla, she sent something down her wind pipe and she went into a fit of coughing, crying and severe pain. This started the very un-fun part of the morning. We spent 20 minutes or so trying to get her over the cough, pain, running nose (she is not supposed to blow because her platelets are so low it can start bleeding that won’t stop), thick mucus in her mouth causing gagging and she ended the spell off with throwing up a bunch of bile. Finally, we got her calmed and settled and over the worst of the spell and she drifted off to sleep for an hour or so. In the end she only got Fran’s voicemail. She so much doesn’t want to sleep away the day, but she needs to rest to allow her body and Mason’s marrow and God to do their things. It is no fun sitting and watching with very little that can be done during this time. I would ask that we don’t get phone calls unless it is very necessary during the next week or so. Just based on the past couple days and what we are told to expect, I would plan on her sleeping/napping through the bulk of this time and getting started awake seems to aggravate her ugly symptoms. What seems to be a very nice encouragement is the emails, cards and notes that she has received. These she can read and listen to when she is awake and ready.
Later this morning, she received a unit of platelets. I am not sure if it was a side effect of getting the platelets, but she had a bout of pretty severe chills. This is the first time that she got the chills while she was still in bed and basically covered up. She has been very sensitive to changes in temperature and it might have been the new bags of various fluids that she had just been given. She will probably get one more unit of platelets late this week or first thing next week. Also, she will probably have to get more red blood cells in the next few days or so. Today her counts are as follows: WBC: 0.08; Neutophils: 0.04; Hematocrit: 29; Platelets: 8.
I am going to end this so that I can post this early. Kris wants to say that all this sounds bad, but it sounded bad for Joseph when he was thrown in a pit, sold to slave traders, and thrown in prison. God was with him and we know that God is with us. It is good to remember how bad it can look being thrown in a lion’s den but with God things work out. We want to have the same faith of Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego when they faced the fiery furnace and said, “Our God is able to deliver us, but even if he doesn’t we trust Him.” (a little bit of paraphrase there). We are not having fun, but God didn’t promise us fun. We know that He is with us and He is faithful to work things out for the good. Praise Him! Thank you God for being so steady. May Your will be done in our lives.
Mike
Update: Tuesday, July 6, 2004
I slept through the fireworks Sunday night. Fran said that when they started they were so loud that she had to get up to watch. They could not be seen from my window, but there was a vacant room with a great view of the fireworks. She and several others enjoyed the display from there. This was the same display that the kids got to see from the apartment.
Last night was my worst night so far. The doctors and nurses have some plans to keep that from happening again. I woke up about 1:30am with severe pain in my throat. It is the first time since I got here that I found myself crying because of the severity of the pain. God gave me a gift to have Fran here to cry and pray with me. She has been such a blessing. It turned out to be a rough night for both of us, though. I am so sad to see her go. I have so enjoyed each of my caregivers. What a blessing. The doctor’s have changed my PCA to a constant drip throughout the night to keep the pain at bay. I also have a trickle of pain meds going throughout the day to help me from getting too far behind if I nap. There are side effects to everything. I get dry cotton mouth and wake up needing to take a drink. I have trouble swallowing everything and a few times have had the last little bit of fluid slide down my wind pipe and send me into a fit of painful coughing. I have learned to be very careful when I drink to make sure that I get it all down before laying back.
The past couple of days have been a little bit of up and walking and a lot of lying in bed and napping. I really don’t like the way that I have been feeling, but I knew that days like this were to be expected.
I (Mike) am going to take over and try to sum up the last two days. For one thing, Kris and I have been trying to work through these updates, but it is really too much for her. She has the energy for about a paragraph and falls asleep. So, bear with me and we will have to make due with my perspective.
We are at the front of the lowest valley of this process. Things should not get much worse, but they also won’t get noticeably better for at least 5-7 days. The past couple of days have been taxing on Kris as she realizes that this level of pain is going to plague her for the next several days. We have been blessed to have Fran here to help keep our focus. Another blessing has been the continuous flow of emails reminding us of God’s love for us. God supplies our every need. Praise Him! Each time we meet a low point, He responds with just the right “pearl” to bring us back. Our time here has been a testimony to His love.
Our attending physician made his final rounds with the team today. A different doctor will take his place for the next month. (The doctors here in Seattle rotate through this role monthly). He came around with the “team” and introduced the next attending physician. Later, after all normal hours, our original attending physician came to say goodbye and spent half and hour or so just chatting with us, answering questions and giving Kris some “extra” attention. It is little things like this that have helped make this time pleasant. God orchestrated another blessing.
Kris’ sister should be here on Thursday. This will be a time of joy. Hopefully, it will be coupled with minimal pain and Kris bouncing back with some renewed energy. Regardless, we praise God for each thing that comes our way. May He take our weaknesses and showcase His power. May it ever be evident in our lives that He is the giver of all good gifts. We know that it is only by His mercy and grace that we can carry on. I praise God for all the love that comes our way. I thank Him for giving us sisters and brothers who faithfully lift us up. We are so blessed. May God bless each of you.
Mike
Update: Sunday, July 4, 2004
Just a quick update. Here are my counts: WBC: 0.06; Neutrophils:0.01; Hematocrit: 30; Platelets: 25. My energy is up a little today. I have been able to walk 10 laps so far. That’s about a mile. I am out of bed and that feels good. The doctors started me on total nutritional fluids last night. I was not able to eat or drink what was necessary for good health. My throat is a little sorer today than yesterday, but I am still able to drink my tea.
Today is the fourth of July and the kids spent the evening with Michael, Darrell, and Lucrecia at the apartment. They celebrated Mikey’s birthday early with dinner, presents, cake and ice cream. Then the kids spent the balance of the evening on our balcony/patio playing with glow sticks and waiting for the fireworks. The fireworks were quite impressive. There were two major competing fireworks displays that were clearly visible from the patio. The first was directly behind the Space Needle. These were very large and traditional. It was a nice display of mammoth fireworks. The second started five minutes into the first display and was touted as the most technologically advanced firework display in the country. It was synchronized with music played on the radio and television and was filled with a lot of specialized fireworks that produced stars, smiley faces, and various designs. It was impressive. All the children screamed, danced and jumped around enjoying every moment of the celebration of our country’s birthday. It was really nice that Darrell, Lucrecia and Rocky were able to be with our children and Mike for this event. They helped make the evening special.
Happy fourth. May God bless each of you and our country.
Kris
Update: Saturday, July 3, 2004
Praise God for good news! Kris is tracking in an ideal manner. Her doctor said, “On paper, you look stellar.” (Translation: Kris is following a “textbook” type scenario for a bone marrow transplant.) This is just a small gesture from our Father to let us know that He is in control and things are well. There are so many things that can distract us and change our focus. Thank God that He is always true. In times of trials, it is His faithfulness that gives us strength.
Knowing that God is in control and that He is working His perfect will, I can talk of today without reservation. Today has outdone yesterday. Kris’ day can be summed up with one basic word: tired. She lacked the energy she has displayed for the past week. Her hematocrit had dropped down to 25 and her energy seemed to go with it. Hopefully that will improve tomorrow. She was given two units of red blood cells today. Here are the counts for today: WBC:0.03; Neutrophils:0.01; Hematocrit:25; Platelets:37. So, the platelets jumped back up some, as expected, from the infusion yesterday. We hope for a 4-5 point increase in the hematocrit tomorrow, based on the two units of red blood cells she got today.
Today is the first day that Kris spent more time in bed than out since we’ve been here. She has had bouts of severe nausea and stomach cramps. Through all this she still shows her true character and continues to make jokes and try to be somewhat light hearted. God has blessed me with a beautiful soul mate for a wife. It is hard to see her feeling down, but we look to our hope that is far better. In this short term, today is day nine. With some success, we will be seeing improvements in Kris’ condition as early as next week between days 12-15. She is in the period of the transplant process were the normal “expected” side effects will be at their worst. I pray that this period is as short as possible. I pray that God gives us the grace and strength to praise Him throughout.
“Our Father who is in heaven, hallowed be Your name. Your kingdom come. Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.” Matt. 6:9-13
Mason has done it again and has bounced back to full force. God has made children so very resilient. He is so thoughtful. It makes us feel good to see them “get better” so quickly. Thank you, God
I will save further news for tomorrow. We plan on having some festivities with the children at the apartment. Hopefully there will only be happy stories to tell about it.
Mike
Update: Friday, July 2, 2004
If every day is out done by the following day, we’ll all be in trouble before this is over. But before I describe the story of the day, I want to update my counts. . WBC 0.05; Neutrophils 0.01; Hematocrit 26%; Platelets 5. Since my platelets dipped below 10, I was given a platelet transfusion this morning. One external symptom of being low in platelets is small red spots on the skin, mostly on the lower half of my body. When my hematocrit drops to 25, I will receive a red blood cell transfusion. It looks like that will probably happen tomorrow. With the decrease in my hematocrit, I have noticed a decrease in my energy level. The sores in my mouth have spread to my throat, which makes eating a challenge. I was determined to eat my grilled hamburger for lunch, so I cut in up into tiny pieces (tomato, lettuce and all). Even with that, I was only able to get half my lunch down. The doctors are wanting to put me on IV nutritional supplements starting tonight. I will still attempt to eat, but if I can’t, I will have a safety net of nutrition. Because of my difficulty swallowing, all my medicines are administered intravenously now. Some of the pills were very large. I have given in and have agreed to allow my nurse to set up a patient controlled analgesic—PCA. I have told them that I want to start with very small doses. I don’t like feeling as if I am drugged.
I have noticed that some of my hair is beginning to fall out today. It is not falling out in great waves, but it is definitely getting thinner. It won’t be long before it is all out and my head will look like a cue ball. The hospital’s Cancer and Beauty department came by the room today. I told them that I didn’t want a wig, so they brought me a selection of hats and I picked out four. This is a free service funded by the proceeds of the hosptial’s coffee bar and gift shop. Some of the items offered are also donated by outside charitable organizations.
Now for the big story of the day. Matt and Mason went on a Hutch School field trip to play in the water fountains at a music museum. While there, Mason slipped and the back of his head broke his fall. They called Mike and he took Mason to the Belltown clinic to be evaluated by the doctors there. He required five stitches in the back of his head. After getting past the fear of stitches, Mason did quite well. Now, if you ask him, he says, that stitches don’t hurt at all “after they put the sleepy stuff in.” The doctors gave him a shot to numb (“make the skin go to sleep”) the area. After the first shot and a scream, he dealt with the whole rest of the process like a champ. He got back to Darrell’s house and was showing everyone his head and doing just fine. He now is convinced that stitches aren’t so bad. Another day in the life of a young boy.
Through all of these events, I feel God’s hand upon us. He has promised to be with me, I just have to trust and wait on Him.
Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth does not become weary or tired. His understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary, and to him who lacks might He increases power. Though youths grow weary and tired, and vigorous young men stumble badly, yet those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary. Isaiah 40:28-31.
Kris
Update: Thursday, July 1, 2004
I don’t know where to start, so I will start with my counts and then see where my mind and fingers wander. WBC .02; Neutrophils 0.01; Hematocrit 29%; Platelets 15. When my platelets get to 10 I will begin receiving platelet infusions.
Since I woke up early this morning, I decided to go ahead and take my daily shower early. I just turned off the water and began drying off when all of a sudden my bathroom door flew open and three female nurses stood in the doorway looking at me. With concern on all of their faces, they asked if I was ok. Now I know showering early isn’t my normal routine, but I didn’t think it was cause for alarm. As it turns out, the emergency call switch in the shower shorted out and turned itself on and could not be turned off. The alarm sounded on the entire floor. To avoid undue attention, Fran and I decided it was a good time to take a walk. The alarm sounded for a full 30 minutes while they tried in vain to remedy the situation. In the end, the electrician had to replace the entire wall switch with a new assembly to get the alarm to stop. As Fran said to someone on the phone…”There’s never a dull moment.”
My mouth sores are worse today. It has become difficult to swallow large pills, so I am receiving most of my meds through IV. To my doctor’s surprise, I am still able to eat. A little slower than normal, but I am still able to get my meals down.
The boys attended their first day at the Hutch School. In spite of their resistance to the idea, they had a great time. In fact, Mason and Matt have chosen to attend tomorrow rather than go to the flight museum with Mikey and Darrell. After school, Mike brought the boys by for a brief visit. It is wonderful to see them. Mason’s first question to me was, “Are my cells growing in you, yet?” I explained that they are, but the doctors have to give me medicine to keep them from grafting in too fast. Mikey made sure that his birthday is coming up and that he would like to receive some presents. He spent a few minutes explaining to the nurse that he doesn’t like sports, but rather that he is a “historian” and that he loves WWII aviation.
God has blessed me with a wonderful new source of encouragement. I was touched by one of his prayers (on my transplant day):
Father God,
We stand in awe of you. We know that you are our Creator. We know that you are the One who brings order from chaos. My mind is boggled that you took the time to look ahead into our fallen world and see the need for stem cells and platelets. It reminds us how little we know. It reminds us that you are all knowing. Lord, we cannot choose for our own bodies whether to accept or reject a transfusion or a transplant and it reminds us that you are all powerful. We cannot lengthen our lives by one hour either in time or in eternity and it reminds us that you are all loving. We cry out to you in our despair and we are comforted beyond our ability to understand and it reminds us that you are ever present. We see your blessings daily in our lives and it reminds us that you have a plan for us. We feel compelled to tell others of your many mercies and it reminds us that we are your witnesses. We see hope in spite of the darkness around us and it reminds us that you are the Light of the world. When we are weak you give us sustenance and strength and we are reminded that you are the Bread of Life. Our cup is filled to overflowing and we are reminded that you are the Living Water. We read your Word, we speak to you in prayer, we fellowship with your children and we are reminded that you are the same yesterday, today and forever. We praise your name and we are reminded that you, O God, inhabit the praise of your people. We worship you and we are reminded that only you are worthy of our worship. We pray to you and realize that you have not rejected our prayer or withheld your love from us.
Lord Jesus, on this day of new birth for Kris, as we did for our other children at their birth, we commit this child to you. This child is yours. We commit to help this child to know that you are her God. We will tell her of your love for her and your great plans for her life. We will remind her of the mighty ways you have moved in her life to bring her to yourself. We will love her with your love. We will encourage her with your words. We will pray for her and trust you for her future. We thank you for this precious child you have given to us again. Thank you for Kris.
Father we ask that you bind us together with your love, that you would guide us by your Holy Spirit, and that you would use our lives to glorify your Son. We pray that Thy will be done in all these things in Jesus name, Amen.
God continues to supply all my needs.
Kris
Update: Wednesday, June 30, 2004
I had a wonderful visit with mom yesterday, though it was too short. She leaves today but will be able to return in August. I am thankful for that. Fran made it here safely yesterday. It is so good to see her. Carla left on Sunday and I miss her already. Jan is leaving this morning…I hate to see her go. We had a surprise visit from Steve and Julie Wells yesterday. They were up in this area sailing and since they were in the neighborhood, they stopped by. Jack and Karen Close had done the same thing (well, not the sailing part) a few weeks ago. God is graciously bringing loved ones from home here to encourage me. Every visit just reminds me of God’s compassion. He is meeting my need of seeing the Lexington family. Thank you, Lord.
The mouth sores are “raising their ugly heads” and making their presence know. I’m taking Tylenol for pain. They offered me something stronger, but I want to be in my right mind. (I can hear the comments now, “Is she ever in her right mind?”) I will begin using a product called “magic mouth wash” for the pain as well. I have used this in the past when I had sores in my mouth. It works pretty well. Ice packs are also helpful. I am still able to eat and drink so I do not have to be kept on fluids. It is my goal to keep it that way, but only time will tell. I really don’t have any concept yet of how bad it can get…and that is a blessing in itself. Today my counts are: WBC 0.04; Neutrophils 0.02; Hematocrit 29%; Platelets 37.
I have met several patients’ caregivers in the halls while I’m walking. They stop and we talk a while. Yesterday I spoke with a sweet woman whose husband Bob is in here for a rare form of Lymphoma. I was able to speak to her about God and his faithfulness and to pray for him. What a treat for me. Another person God put in my path is the P.R. person for the hospital. We met because of the media that was here needed his approval. Anyway, he shared that his father in law, Larry, had started radiation and chemo yesterday. I told him that I would be praying for Larry and he seemed genuinely touched. I am now asking my prayer warriors to add these to people to your prayer list. I would love the success of their treatment be a testimony of God moving and answering the prayers of his children.
Answered prayers: My children are so prayed over and it is showing! I never would have imagined how happy, well adjusted, and content they are. They are all doing amazingly well. I believe that God sent His angels to surround them so the evil one is being kept at bay. Darrell and Lucrecia are taking such fantastic care of my kids. I think it will be a problem getting them to come home with me after these four months is over. Darrell called yesterday to tell me that Mason is completely healed from his procedure. I asked how he knew. Darrell said, “Well, he is doing the “Slip and Slide” on his front and back.” Darrell then took the phone over to Mason and asked how he was feeling, his sore spots. Mason answered with astonishment, “They’re gone, they’re all gone!”
God is so faithful and good to me.
Kris
Update: Monday, June 28, 2004
I wanted to take this opportunity to write an update. I am feeling great today! Jan and I walked a little over a half mile in the corridors this morning. I got a little tired so we stopped before I completed the mile they want me to walk. I will go out later and roam the halls again with Mike. I praise God that He is continually giving me strength.
One of my doctors came in this morning and asked how I was feeling? I said, “Great, I haven’t felt this good in a long time.” He looked at me a little puzzled and asked, “Have you seen your counts?” “Yes, they are low today, I know” I answered. He chuckled and jokingly said that maybe I just function better with low counts. I told Mike later, “My counts don’t count, only God counts.” For those of you who are interested in following my blood level counts, today my numbers are (with normal ranges in parentheses for this update only): WBC 0.28, (4.3-10.0); Neutrophils 0.25, (1.8-7.0); Hematocrit 31, (36-45); Platelets 93, (150-400). In a few days my white cells (WBC) will be at 0 and stay there until Mason’s stem cells engraft and begin to make new cells for me. The lining of my mouth is beginning to thin, as expected, but no pain yet. I am told that the mouth sores could start appearing any day now. I’m in no rush, mind you…so I’m already “swishing” with saline water several times a day to help with that.
I just have to stop and brag for a moment about the medical staff on the 7th floor (one of the transplant floors) of the UW Medical Center. The doctors, nurses, and supporting staff members are absolutely amazing. I came to Seattle because of their reputation for being the best in transplants…and I have not been disappointed. Everyone, and I really mean everyone, I have encountered here has been fantastic. The patient to nurse ratio is 3:1 or better. Any need I have is handled immediately…and with a smile, no less.
I receive Cyclosporine daily. This drug helps fight off Graft vs. Host Disease (GVHD). GVHD is a condition caused by the donated cells fighting with my body because they don’t recognize me as their own. This is an extremely important drug to assist in the success of the transition from my marrow to Mason’s. Cyclosporine normally takes one hour to infuse, but with my sensitivity to infusions, my nurse slows the process to take two hours. One of the side effects of Cyclosporine is a flushed feeling all over my body. The feeling isn’t a pleasant one so today I tried to sleep during part of the infusion.
I anxiously await Fran’s arrival tomorrow. I look forward to having her with me. There are those here who are truly amazed at the support system I have. I tell them of my friends who are putting their lives on hold to help me. I tell about my church family and their prayers, cards, emails, videos, and all the work they are doing at our house in our absence. I tell them about my cousins and how they opened up their home and hearts for my children. I tell them about the woman here in Seattle who had two yard sales in my honor which raised over $950 to help the Chases with the expense of caring for my children. I tell them of the cards and emails I receive from “new” friends I’ve never met. God is caring for me in ways I never imagined and I am truly blessed. Most importantly, I tell them about the sufficiency of my Lord; His love, faithfulness, compassion, mercy and care!
I will sing of the loving-kindness of the Lord forever; to all generations I will make known Your faithfulness with my mouth. Psalm 89:1
Kris
Update: Saturday, June 26, 2004
There are reasons for everything. I am just going to be thankful and praise God. I will take the situation that I have now and be very thankful. For whatever reason, our DSL (the internet connection) in the hospital isn't working. So, my opportunity to write updates there is temporarily (I hope) unavailable. So, it is late on Saturday and I am going to write out very briefly the broad picture of what is going on.
Mason is doing very well. He has moved back in with Kris' cousins and more importantly for him back in with his siblings. He has been such a strong little man and has very bravely done all that can be asked of him. God has really blessed us with him and his example. Mason should be fully recovered in a week or so, but he was up and running (literally) at full speed on Friday morning. This is all with virtually no pain. Clearly his hips are tender like bruises and when he has been sitting for a while he starts out a little stiff, but all in all he is basically back to himself.
Kris has had two very good days. She has been able to get out of her room, walk and has been in very good spirits. Praise God again! She gets a booster/interaction type chemo on days 1, 3, 6 and 11 (I think I have the days right). These help with the transition from the bad chemo and the engraftment. There are several things that happen, but the side effect for Kris is immediate nausea. This is mostly short lived and just happens right after they give her this in the IV. She has been very excited that she gets some liberty in her diet. Today she got to eat pizza and it was good to see her eat a nice sized meal. The variety and flexibility helps her both tolerate things and keeps her spirits up. Today, she actually stayed awake the whole day. She hasn't done that in a while and in fact thought the days seems very long when you don't sleep them away. It was very good to have her awake, laughing with her nurses, Jan, Carla and the doctors. She really looks good. We all know the harder days will come, but praise God for the good ones. Kris was also able to visit briefly (from a distance) the lady with AML that she shares a transplant date with. It was nice to see her smiling, cheery face.
Today marked a sad note too. Carla had to say good-bye. She will be flying out on a morning flight tomorrow. It has been a marvelous blessing from God that we have had both Carla and Jan here through this actually bone marrow harvest and transplant time. They have been true servants and have done whatever has been asked and gone above and beyond to care for Kris, Mason and I. God has been so good to us to give us such loving friends and christian family. Thank you Steve and John for your selfless support.
God has worked through this to show Himself faithful and He should receive all the glory and praise.
Mike
Update: Thursday, June 24, 2004
Praise be to God! He is good and faithful and He holds His children in His mighty hand. We have been carried most of the way through today and know that He will see the day through. I am again sitting by Kris’ side writing another update. It is 6:40pm our time and Kris is a little over an hour into the transfusion. They opted to let the marrow go in a little slower than normal as Kris has seemed to show a sensitivity to quick doses of most of the IV medicines or fluids. She has done well so far. She actually ate a pretty good meal at 6:00pm and so far is holding it down. The local CBS station KIRO aired a segment on Kris and Mason at 5:50pm here in Seattle. That was neat to see an update while it was actually airing. We get to also see video tapes of the broadcasts from back home. All this documentation has been a blessing. The long and short of it is that Kris seems to be doing very well right now. Praise God!
Mason had a busy day. He woke up at 6:30am and had a “nervous stomach.” He was ordered off solid food from 4:30am on, so, he had no breakfast. He did get to drink apple juice up until 8:30 and gladly did so. Carla, Mason and I got to the Children’s Hospital at 10:45 and met up with media crews from the Seattle Times (newspaper), KIRO (mentioned above) and WLTX our SC CBS station. We had quite an entourage. They were actually a nice distraction from the coming events and helped to keep Mason’s mind off the coming procedure. He went back around 12:30 and from there everything went very smoothly. They harvested the marrow from the back of his hips for the most part, but also took a little from the front of his hips. They said that the procedure was easy with him.
While Mason stayed in recovery, I went to try to chase the marrow over to Kris’ room at the University Hospital. I arrived in time to watch the nurse go through the multiple counter checks that they do to be sure that everything is just right. God has made us amazing creatures. What happens now, is that we let the marrow travel in Kris’ veins and arteries and the stem cells will go to where they are supposed to be, in the bones. She will then start producing new blood cells (white, red, platelets, etc). These stem cells will re-establish her marrow and she will function normally. Obviously, I am simplifying things a little, but that is the basic process. What we want to pray for is that all this happens without any rejection and without any infections. You can add this date to your calendars, as Kris’ new birthday. Not to replace her old one mind you, she needs presents then, too, but rather to make an addition.
I know that everyone is curious, so I am going to post this quickly. I will try to keep you informed regularly. Thank you for your prayers, thank you for your notes, thank you for your love. God bless you all.
Mike
Update: Tuesday, June 22, 2004
Well, here I am again. There is much to rejoice about and there is much to tell. I want to give God thanks for everything. We have not had all the easiest roads and we know there are hard times ahead, but with God we know that all is part of a very loving will and He wants our best always. So, thank you, God, for everything!
Let me embark on the tale of the day. Last night went pretty smoothly as hospital stays go. Vital signs checked every four hours and after each of a few medicines were completed intravenously. So, sleep was broken up in pieces but sleep came and that is a good thing. Kris woke up and had a pretty good morning with Jan and Carla. I spent the night with her in the hospital (actually getting fair sleep).
I left early in the morning to take Mason to an interview with WLTX at the Hutch School and to tour the Pete Gross House. Mason takes all this in stride and seems such a natural. Some of you might have already seen this as it is one of the segments that they plan to air this week. We (Mason and I) came by the hospital to bring a few items to Kris and have a five minute visit before having Mason’s Dr. visits for the afternoon. The appointments were going to overlap the starting of Kris’ final dose of chemo and she really wanted me there, so the staff meeting with Mason skipped lunches and rearranged their schedules to “hurry” me through so I was able to get back to Kris about 5 minutes before the start of chemo. Everyone makes every effort to make the patients feel at ease. It is one of their primary missions and they do a wonderful job. Mason’s visits all were good. His hematocrit (sp?) was up to 44% where they had wanted it and everything else was normal. So, Mason is ready to go. They asked him to describe the coming procedure and he rattled it off without any problem. He will have his marrow taken out on Thursday morning.
Like yesterday, I am writing this in the hospital. I am by Kris in the bed and she has been trying to sleep through the difficult parts of the chemo. It has been with mixed success. In order to minimize the side effects of yesterday, they slowed the drip of the chemo and dosed her over two hours rather than one. The idea being that she might respond better if it came on a little more slowly. They also gave her the Benadryl ahead of time to reduce the itching in her throat and reduce any allergic responses. They were also ready with pain meds as needed. Well, we found that part of her side effects were from the I.V. Benadryl. They were short lived for the most part. She then got the chemo reactions just an hour later than the night before. All seemed to be scaled down, though and it was comforting to Kris just knowing there would be an end. The first time there was no end in sight and that was hard. So, she had some rough times but again, praise God we are through the chemo! We are looking for a relatively pleasant day tomorrow. Tomorrow will be our Sabbath rest from ugly drugs and procedures. We will be preparing for Thursday when Kris will receive Mason’s marrow. That is day zero. That will be Kris’ new “birthday.” It is a celebration here at the Seattle Cancer Care Alliance. We will still be pretty low key since Kris is neutropenic. Some have asked for a definition of what that is. This is probably not precisely accurate but in general understanding it means that Kris is at her lowest point for her immune system. She will not be producing any defenses (her immune system), she will not be producing any platelets (her ability to stop bleeding), she won’t be producing any of the normal necessary blood products that bone marrow gives normal folks. So, when I said that Kris is neutropenic, that means that we must be exceedingly careful not to expose her to any germs or anything that can possibly attack her body. She won’t be able to fight even the smallest bacteria on her own. So, effectively that means that everyone that comes in must be healthy with no hints of any illness, even a sniffle. Then there is hand washing every time we are going to touch Kris or anything that we think she will touch or consume. So, the caregivers are still coming in and taking care of Kris, but there will be no random visitors. Any visitor must know exactly how to be careful and what they can touch or not touch. Basically, we will be taking every precaution. We hope to let the kids visit, but they have to be perfectly healthy and it will be a very controlled situation. They have been practicing so, we will see. We are looking at 3 to 4 weeks before Kris starts to produce her own cells to the point that she will have the basic beginnings of an immune system again.
As I have been typing, Kris has been sleeping and I pray that she sleeps long enough to have passed all the worst of the side effects. Please pray for a good day tomorrow. Pray that Mason and Kris will be well and that Thursday will go without hitch. Pray that God continues to get the glory throughout. He is truly a wonderful loving Father. I did get a piece of bad news and ask that you pray about this. Kris’ mom called tonight and has been sick all day. So, it seems that she has caught something. Again, it is good that we have both Jan and Carla here. Thank you John and Steve and everyone who has assisted to make that possible. I don’t know how we would have done it without that. So, we will probably have to go with a plan “B” for Mason’s care after his procedure, since “Nanna” won’t be available. Pray that she feels better soon.
I have rambled on for a while now. I keep thinking that if I just keep typing, Kris will keep sleeping and that is a good thing. We were given DSL internet access in the room today. Another blessing. They have limited hook ups, but were able to work us in. I will post this now. Let me end with a scripture that was shared with us by a new friend in Texas. Yet, one more of God’s many many blessings.
Praise the LORD, O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
Praise the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits—
who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.
Psalm 103:1-5
Mike
Update: Monday, June 21, 2004
God be praised! I am sitting with Kris in the hospital as I write this update and she is finally feeling “basically human” after a pretty rough afternoon. Kris got her first of two doses of the “bad” chemo after lunch. About 45 minutes into the dose, Kris had a fairly rare reaction that left her congested, nauseous, with a headache and her mouth started feeling like she had eaten a plate of hot jalapeño peppers. The burning in her mouth and lips and throat was very disconcerting. Nothing seemed to do much to relieve the pain. There was significant effort to eliminate this, but in the end, she basically had to sleep it off. After four hours of the pain keeping her awake, she got enough pain meds, anti-nausea meds, Benedryl and me droning on reading a John Grissom novel to put her to sleep. When she woke up around 8:30pm she still had a head ache, but the other issues had all seemed to subside. Praise God! He has given us the strength so far, and though it is nothing we want to face again tomorrow, we are here feeling okay right now. There is certainly a lesson in feeling helpless to be learned here. Only God has the power to see us through. I am so comforted and glad that He loves us so much. And we know that He will care for us.
In my last update, I left off with us just getting ready for the Busulfan (the less bad, but still bad chemo) for four days. She made it through. There were a couple days that were pretty good and a couple days with nausea and a migraine. That is really a snap shot of the Busulfan days. On the final day (Sunday), Kris had gotten a good night’s sleep and had a pretty good day. That evening, we spent time with Tabitha Kitchens, Carla and Jan and had a hair cutting party. Kris says that we didn’t have all that much fun but at least we got the hair cut. The news crew had trouble with the airlines and getting their equipment. Apparently, baggage was misplaced in Denver and they didn’t get it until late that night. So, we weren’t able to video the party. Don’t worry, we took plenty of still pictures for all you who want to see this bald headed beauty during the transition. Jan and Carla got bald for the occasion as well. That helped to make Kris feel a little more at ease. Kris was able to control her one last thing for several weeks to come.
Please keep us in your prayers. Kris is now officially neutropenic and will stay that way until after she gets Mason’s bone marrow and it engrafts. This process should take about 4 weeks. We will then have other hurdles to get over, but more on them will come later. Please also keep Mason and the harvesting of his marrow on Thursday morning in your prayer. He has remained healthy. Thank God for that. I will update more when I get time. Thank you all for your love and prayer. May God richly bless each of you.
Mike
Update: Saturday, June 19, 2004
It is again time for me to step in and let ya'll know what has happened over the last several eventful days. Tuesday night was a bust for Kris. She only slept about 2 hours all night. Just one of those nights where you look at the clock and keep telling yourself, "I really need some sleep!" Well, she still handled herself very well and went through the Hickman procedure very well. Dr. Hickman was very nice and took special time to make Mason feel special. He let Mason experience an ultrasound of his chest and he got to watch as "Mommy" got x-rays to make sure that the catheter went in the proper location at the end of the whole procedure. After a much better night of sleep, Kris and I showed up on the 5th floor infusion room to have her first dose of Busulfan and for the new daily routine of blood draws from this new port on her chest. We met our infusion nurse and she was able to share with us her story about having a 7 year old daughter as a donor for her son. It is very good to be able to share and relate to folks who are going through similar things. God has shown us His mercy as he has let us meet these folks. There was a lady who got her Hickman catheter in just before Kris. We seemed to be following her around from that point forward for several appointments. It turns out, that she is scheduled to have a transplant the same day as Kris. In fact, she and Kris have very similar experiences and stories. She has AML and is here for a sibling bone marrow transplant. She and Kris have become buddies going through each chemo dose and all the blood draws together. It is good for her to be able to talk through these events with someone who is going through it with her. God has been guiding us through this process and He will see us through.
Kris has taken a step into this process that changes everything. We took our final tour of the water front and Pike Street market. With the chemo taking effect, it is time to really get down to the nitty gritty and stay away from all public areas. Kris is now officially in "isolation" from the normal world. Her near future will be all hospitals, clinics and our "safe" apartment. This is very difficult to actually come down to doing. We have been being very careful about touching and transmitting germs. There has been hand washing at every turn and isolation from "sick" folks. Now, we need to step it up to the extreme and itâs hard. God graciously gave us a week reprieve and allowed us to sort of ease into this, but it is still difficult. We are counting on Him to help us each day. We know that He will give us what we need when we need it. Please pray for our well being and for our spirits as we transition through this.
I want to write more. I want to share some of the daily routine of the chemo, but I hope to do it over the next few days. Kris is having good times and difficult ones. She has wanted to write these updates the last few days, but as you can see, she hasn't. I believe that she will add more as the days come, but also, you might see some journaling from certain of the caregivers. I will post this now and get more out later.
God bless each of you. He is good!
Mike
Update: Tuesday, June 15, 2004
The countdown has begun. Tomorrow morning at 10 I go to the clinic to receive my “Hickman” line. I will be given some form of sedation, though I believe it will be a local, not general. Too bad, I’d rather miss out on the whole thing! I’m told there is some discomfort after the procedure, but that it should fade in a few days. Thursday morning at 8:00 I will receive my first dose of “Busulfan”, my oral chemo. I will stay at the clinic until 2 p.m. at which time I will take my second dose of the day. At home I will take my third dose at 8 p.m. and my fourth at 2 a.m. Yes, I have to set my alarm and take my medicine in the wee hours of the morning. I will have the same schedule on Friday and Saturday. While at the clinic, blood will be taken periodically to test how I metabolize the chemo and future doses will be based on each of these test results. On Sunday I still take the Busulfan at the same times, but I don’t have to stay at the clinic as on previous days. I am planning my hair cutting “party” for Sunday afternoon, and I believe WLTX will be here for the event. I don’t know when they plan to air the story, but I will find out and post that information.
Thank you for the constant prayers and petitions on our behalf. Our God has supplied all my needs.
Kris
Update: Sunday, June 13, 2004
My soul, wait in silence for God only, for my hope is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvation, my stronghold; I shall not be shaken. On God my salvation and my glory rest; the rock of my strength, my refuge is in God. Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us. Psalm 62:5-8
This has been a tough week. Thankfully, Mason is well, but Kaylee seemed to get worse. We had to cancel our trip to Mike’s cousin’s house. Tuesday they found out that their son had a virus and it would be unsafe for us to go. Lucrecia came down with a sore throat on Friday, followed by Darrell on Saturday. Mason began staying with us Thursday night because of an early morning appointment on Friday. I am thankful to God that we got him out when we did. He will continue to stay with us until the day after transplant. Since Mason is with us, I had to call Carla, my first caregiver, and ask her to come three days early. I need someone to stay with Mason at the apartment while Mike takes me for my all day chemo appointments Thursday through Sunday. We decided to cancel our sail boat cruise as well. With everything hinging on our wellness, we don’t feel like we should take any chances. We have become hermits. This is difficult for me, but God has been ministering through these uncertain times and I feel His comfort and peace daily. Last Thursday, though, I began to sense a disturbance within me. I was talking on the phone with my mom, trying to make arrangements for Mason to be separated from Kaylee (due to illness) during the times I could not be with him. During our conversation, I felt a dark unpleasant feeling rising up in me. I acknowledged this to my mom and said, “Something is not right within me, I need to call you back.” The weight of my situation, all the details, the problems, the possible outcomes, the trials, and the separation from loved ones came crashing down around me. I knew these feelings were not from God or of God and I called out to Him for help and He answered. I felt as though God began literally holding back the waves of chaos and despair! The trouble was still rushing around me, my circumstances had not changed, but He did not allow despair to cover over me. When I called my mom back, she was able to share Psalm 62:5-8 with me and I spent the evening meditating on those words. Through this, I feel God has provided me a new way to look at my trials. Bear with me as I share it with you.
When my Father God looks down at me, He does not see a sinful, selfish, unlovable person. Instead, He sees me through the “filter” of Christ. So, when God looks at me, He sees His Son, and therefore sees a sinless, worthy and righteous child of His. In the same way, Christ is ever before me and I can see each trial through the “filter” of Christ. So, when I look at situations like hardship, loneliness, pain and despair; if I look, I can see Christ first and therefore I can have hope, assurance and peace through each of these, for He is my rock, my salvation, my stronghold, and my refuge. I will not be shaken!
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:2-4
Kris
Update: Wednesday, June 9, 2004
Well, I guess it is my turn to send out an update. First, I want to reiterate that it is God who is in control. If that was not the case (or we didn’t so firmly believe it) then some of this news would be disconcerting. I will start with some updates about all the testing and the reviews that Kris spoke of in the last posting. Kris’ echo cardiogram came back looking very good. There is nothing there to consider as anything out of the ordinary. For you doctors out there they classed the heart murmur as a grade/level one on a scale of 6. That basically means you might be able to hear it, but it is immeasurable with other devices (e.g. ultra sound, etc). So, that is good news. Our insurance went ahead and gave the final approval for the entire procedure. More good news. Dr. Witherspoon basically went over all the test results to date and the net report is that Kris has CML in chronic phase and all other organs, blood work, etc came back in very good shape. She is ready to go. He also went over Mason’s charts with us and stated that Mason looks very prepared for the procedure. The only outstanding thing, is the runny nose that Mason has started having. On Monday morning, Mason went in and had a nasal flush and a culture taken to validate whether or not he has a virus, a bacterial infection or if he is just suffering from allergies. Well, the culture takes 5 days to complete and they will have the results Saturday. Bottom line, we have been delayed for approximately a week. If Mason isn’t sick, we have just been cautious. If he is sick, it is a good call for Mason to wait and possibly to make sure that Kris isn’t infected and needing to wait. This certainly puts a kink in our so nicely laid out plans. God is in control. There are a few pluses to this though. We have more time to pray and submit to God. We get a little more quality time with our children as we prepare for the coming events. Carla will wait to come until around the time that Jan is coming. I know from everyone’s uncertainty, it will be nice to have extra hands and eyes to help with the care of Kris and Mason through the initial procedures. Also, Dr. Hickman will be back to actually do the procedure to install the Hickman Catheter rather than a back up doctor as was earlier planned.
After our initial “Oh, no’s,” we have regrouped and are getting some new plans together to spend time with the kids. Today, we went back to the zoo and saw some animals we missed the other day. We also, will get a chance to see my cousin who lives about an hour North of Seattle on one of the islands. We will take a ferry and drive up there tomorrow. I haven’t seen him in over 12 years. We also are going to get a chance to go out on a schooner this weekend out on Lake Union. One of the patrons of the SCCA is donating time on his boat and is taking groups out for 2 and 3 hour sailing jaunts. This boat will accommodate over 30 people and is no small sailing vessel. It has been quite a blessing to make these family memories virtually cost free. God is good. We also hope to see one of our guardian elephants tonight. Jack and Karen Close have driven up this way to visit family and we happen to be on the way. They are staying tonight in Seattle and we hope to visit with them while they are here.
Our apartment plans have all worked out. We will move into the Pete Gross House on Friday and should be well set up for the duration of our stay. Thank you all for your prayers. Lifting us up to God has kept us in good spirits and has helped us to keep our focus on Him. We have also been receiving a lot of nice emails and hand written notes. These are all very encouraging. Sorry that we haven’t responded to each one yet, but we will continue to work on it. Please keep them coming. We love you all.
“Like cold water to a weary soul, so is good news from a distant land.” Prov 25:25
Mike
Update: Sunday, June 6, 2004
I want to thank all of those who have been praying for us. “Prayer warriors” are so vital to my healing process. God is answering your and our prayers. He is providing comfort and peace. We serve a God full of compassion and mercy!
I promised a story, didn’t I? We took the kids to the aquarium on Thursday morning. All was going as planned until we rounded a corner and there was an aquarium volunteer feeding some of the fish in display tanks. We stood around and watched a little. We were getting ready to walk away, when he stopped us and asked if one of the kids wanted to help feed the fish. Matt and Mason both wanted to, so he proposed a contest of sorts. He asked a question about rock fish and the boy with the closest answer would feed the fish. Mason won. But, before he could, it dawned on me that he shouldn’t because of the germs. So, I stepped in and explained that Mason can’t because of an upcoming bone marrow transplant. Matt fed the fish and Mason got a cool fish badge. We thought the excitement was over and we moved on. A few minutes later, the volunteer approached us and asked if we wanted to take a behind the scenes tour. What a treat! The boys were able to feed some fish from above the tanks and see some fish that were not on display. At the end, he took us to a tank holding an octopus. On the lid of the tank were three 5-gallon buckets filled with water. “These are to keep the octopus from escaping”, he said. We removed the buckets and the volunteer put a fish in the water to see if the octopus was interested in eating. What followed will go down in history as “the day we were all nearly eaten by an octopus.” Within a few seconds, eight arms were flying in every direction, children were screaming and the poor volunteer was “stuck” to the octopus. Just when we thought the animal was safely back in its tank, we see an arm sticking out from under the lid. So, the lid was lifted again and the arm wrestling commenced. Once everything calmed down, I said, “Oh, I didn’t get a picture, can we lift the lid so I can get a picture?” The volunteer, only wanting to please, agrees. At that moment, the octopus was sitting quietly at the bottom of the tank. I begin trying to focus and get a good picture when I hear the volunteer saying, “Quickly, quickly, quickly.” Just as I snap the picture, he slams the lid down. Looking through the camera I couldn’t see clearly what was happening. I later looked at the picture and saw that the octopus was reaching up to grab me. It will be hard to top a field trip like that!
On Saturday, we took the kids, along with Darrell’s church group, to the zoo. It is huge! We were there for four hours and only saw a part of it. We all had a great time and no one was attacked by animals at this outing.
I had my echocardiogram on Friday, but I won’t get the results until Tuesday when I have my big meeting with the doctors and nurses. This meeting is called my “data review” and it is when they go over all my test results, explain in even more detail what to expect, and get final signatures. One date has been changed in my schedule. I will get my Hickman catheter on Wednesday instead of Monday. For the moment, everything else remains the same. We will be moving into an apartment close to the outpatient clinic on Monday morning. It is only a temporary place until our other one becomes available. I need to be by the clinic this week for my Hickman and chemo. We will continue to receive mail at my cousin’s house during our entire stay in Seattle. If you want that address, please email me and I will send it to you.
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases. His mercies never come to an end, they are new every morning. Great is thy faithfulness. The Lord is my portion says my soul, therefore I will hope in him. Lam. 3:22-24
Kris
Update: Thursday, June 3, 2004
This is so hard! I just spent the past half hour in tears and prayer. I feel as though my heart is breaking. The time is fast approaching when we have to leave the children. Kaylee does not understand what is happening, and I know the separation will be especially hard on her. In times of need, God has given me peace that I have not understood. I am counting on Him for that peace again, for me as well as for the children. I beg you all to be in constant prayer for Mikey, Matt, Mason and Kaylee. I can not go through this without all of you and your prayers.
I actually have some funny stories about our adventure to the aquarium today that includes an octopus attack, but I will tell you about it tomorrow. I just needed to get this prayer request out now.
Kris
Update: Wednesday, June 2, 2004
I am praising God that my nausea is gone! I am able to take my current medication without any trouble now. I still have a few items to keep in your prayers, though. First, in one of my exams the doctor found a heart murmur I didn’t know I had. They scheduled me for an echocardiogram on Friday. Apparently my insurance has to see the results before they will approve transplant. Second, Mike has been feeling a bit under the weather. We cannot afford any sickness right now! Third, we still don’t have an apartment downtown. We have to have a place right by the outpatient clinic by Sunday evening, as I am having my Hickman catheter implanted on Monday and I begin chemo that week. We have been moved to top of the waiting list, but we don’t know how long it will be before one becomes vacant. We will stay at a nearby hotel until something opens up, but that is just a lot more expensive. (I know I don’t need to be concerned, my Father owns the cattle on a thousand hills!)
Today we had some free time and took advantage of it by taking the kids down to the waterfront. We took an hour long Harbor Cruise, ate fish & chips and clam chowder on the docks, and wandered around Pike’s Street Market. While at the market, we stopped in front of the stand where the famous “fish throwing” takes place. I asked a man if he would throw a fish for us and he said yes, reached behind him, picked up a two-foot fish, and threw it at me. Like the brave and adventurous woman that I am, I screamed and jumped out of the way. Well, as you probably guessed, it wasn’t a real fish. My boys tried to catch it and thought it was so funny that I was afraid of a stuffed fish. Tomorrow we have some more free time so we’re going back down to the waterfront to see the Seattle Aquarium. We have not had to pay much, if anything for our outings. One benefit of being a patient of the Hutch is free passes to many of Seattle’s attractions. God is blessing us with some quality family time and is helping us with the transition to living here.
My cousin Darrell and his wife Lucrecia are absolutely fantastic! Many of you have seen on WLTX all the changes they did to their house to accommodate us. There help goes beyond that though. They have made us feel like we actually belong here. They treat our kids like their own, loving and helping them adjust to their new surroundings. I can’t say enough about their servant hearts and humble spirits. My Aunt Carolyn has also been a great help with watching the kids during the morning hours while I have appointments and Lucrecia is at work. The staff at the Hutch are amazed at the “quality” of family I have when I tell them what they have done and are doing for me. I am truly blessed!
Hear my cry, O God; give heed to my prayer. From the end of the earth I call to You when my heart is faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For You have been a refuge for me, a tower of strength against the enemy. Let me dwell in Your tent forever; let me take refuge in the shelter of Your wings. Psalm 61:1-4
Kris
Update: Monday, May 31, 2004
Take me out to the ball game take me out to the crowd. Buy me some peanuts and crackerjacks…I won four “Suite” seat tickets to the Mariners game! You should see it. The pictures of the suite look like a fancy sports club. I think it is an owner’s level suite. They should have a good time, rain or shine. “Unfortunately,” they will miss out on experiencing the cold metal seats. Mikey decided he did not want to go, so Darrell will go in his place tonight. There was much rejoicing in the Chase camp at that decision!
This afternoon we are planning to go to the Museum of Flight. Mikey is ecstatic over this outing! I just hope we can drag him out when it’s time to go without causing too big of a scene. We are going in the afternoon rather than the morning in hopes the effect of my new medication has worn off by then. I was given two new drugs on Friday, and after taking them I get immediately sick. I wasn’t able to keep any thing down (I know, too much information!) The Hutch staff called in a couple anti nausea meds to try, but they don’t remove the nausea completely. I tried to go to church Sunday morning but had to leave in the middle of class (no fun!) I don’t want to be put on IVs this early, so I am doing what I can to keep my stomach calm, and lying down helps.
I miss my Lexington friends and family so much. You are all a part of my heart and I think about you daily. I was going to save the photo album you made me until I went into the hospital, but I found I needed a little encouragement on Saturday. Thank you for such a wonderful, uplifting gift. It was almost like being home for a moment. Thanks!
May God bless you and keep you,
Kris
Update: Saturday, May 29, 2004
Yesterday was a pretty hard day for me emotionally and physically. One of my tests was a pulmonary test. As it turns out, I have larger than normal lung capacity. It must be from all the talking or laughing?! Part of the test was removing a sample of blood from the artery in my wrist. To get to the artery, the needle must be stuck almost all the way in. She said not to look, as it was in about ¾ inch into my wrist as arteries are not on the surface like veins. They numbed me up pretty good, but when she was finished the pain continued to grow. The area is quite bruised and swollen. I can’t wear my watch yet, but I’m sure it will get better by tomorrow.
We spoke with the pediatric team and they described the procedure for Mason. They said that he would probably have only 4 holes into his skin, but in each hole they will move the needle around into a circle aspirating as they go. They anticipate about 80 to 100 pulls. The goal is to obtain only the marrow and not the blood. Somewhere during his explanation I broke down into tears. They waited for me to compose myself before moving on. Later, as I talking to another patient about various things, she recognized our name and said, “Oh, you’re the one with your young son donating his marrow.” It is interesting and neat how our story is getting around. Pray that God uses this to send His message of hope and to get praise for what He is to us. After each lab procedure, the nurses have commented that Mason has been so brave, strong and an angel throughout this time.
At the end of the day I had my bone marrow aspiration. They gave me something to help with the pain and to relax. It didn’t seem to help too much. With the pain and the emotions of knowing Mason will be going through this times 100, I cried again. Mike said that the young girl helping out with the procedure had to leave the room because she started to cry, too. I told Mike, I hate being so weepy, but he reminded me again that it is through our weakness that God’s strength is seen. Amen to that!
On the good side, I have been able to share my faith with the staff and patients that I have met. Praise God. May He use us to spread His message and glorify His name.
“Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.” I Peter 4:12-13
Kris
Update: Thursday, May 27, 2004
We made it safely to Seattle! We had an extremely smooth trip after a wonderful 5:00 a.m. send off at the airport. Several friends braved the early morning darkness to see us and pray with us before we began our trip. Even a couple of our “guardian elephants” were there (ask Jeff Kerby about that). The only mishap that we noticed was leaving Kaylee’s shoes at home. I didn’t notice the missing shoes until we arrived at the airport. I was, however, able to dig through the suitcases and find a pair of sandals for her to wear.
Mason and I met with the Hutch staff on Wednesday. We were given a tour of the outpatient facility, reviewed our medical histories, and had our blood drawn. Today was just for me and I had an afternoon full of consultations with the attending physician, social worker, financial office, and nutritionist. Tomorrow will be another full day for me consisting of an EKG, pulmonary tests, blood draws, chest X-rays, and various other tests ending with a bone marrow aspiration. I am not thrilled about having another one so shortly after my last one. Mason will have his medical consultation tomorrow as well, where we will receive all of the donor information and he will get one of about three shots to help boost his red blood cell production before the procedure. Mike is following along and able to be at almost all the meetings. We have this weekend off as well as Memorial Day. We will be planning some fun things to do that day. At the Hutch I entered a drawing to receive 4 box seat tickets to the Mariner’s game on Monday evening. If I win, Mike will take the boys on that exciting outing!
I am able to receive emails here and am thankful for all of the messages I have received. You continue to encourage me! The social worker today asked how I planned on getting through this procedure emotionally. I answered, “With the help of God and the support of my family and friends.” I know with those things I can make it through anything they will throw my way. After my meeting with the doctor and hearing about all the complications and things that can go wrong, they can “throw” a lot!
I had the privilege of meeting with my aunt’s Wednesday Bible class last night. They have been praying for me every week since I found out I was sick. It was such an honor to share with them some of the wonderful things God has done in my life because of my disease. One of these things is my ability to witness to others. It is only because I have leukemia that I have been able to share my faith with everyone in my community via the television news crew following my story. I praise God for that opportunity. I have also been able to share my faith here with the nurses, doctors and other staff as well. God has given me boldness to speak of His faithfulness, care, and love. He is receiving the glory for all that is happening and for that I am truly thankful.
Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever, Amen. Ephesians 3:20-21
Kris
Update: Monday, May 24, 2004
Wow! Time has flown and our departure is imminent. God has been very gracious and we had a wonderful week. So many blessings, I will try to sum them up pretty quickly. We went to Florida on Friday the 14th. We spent the night in Jacksonville and got up early to drive to Disney MGM Studios. After a good start to the day there, we checked into our “real home” (as Kaylee called it – a two room cabin in Fort Wilderness Campground) and found it very quiet and relaxing. It worked well for a break from the somewhat hectic Disney environment. We went back out and enjoyed the park a little more before retiring for the evening. We spent the next several days at Sea World (God has made very impressive animals), Universal Studios Island of Adventure, Animal Kingdom and capped it all off with a day with my family at Magic Kingdom. Thank you Disney’s compassion program for free passes for the entire family. My sister Debbie (she has been fighting stage four breast cancer for 3 ½ years) got to bring her daughter and make some memories with the family and we melded the two purposes together. We then drove down to Satellite Beach to spend Friday and Saturday morning with my family celebrating Debbie’s 40th birthday. Debbie and Kris got some time to compare notes and share some good thoughts. We were blessed with a send off of love, gifts and friends and family praying over us as we prepare for Seattle and the road ahead. It is a great joy to hear the prayers and know that God is getting the glory throughout all of this. I can’t say this enough: He is the faithful father who is working His loving will and we will continue to trust Him.
We returned to Lexington Saturday night and unloaded the van and got everyone in bed. Sunday was spent in special family time with our church family here in Lexington. They lavished us with love and gifts and prayers to send us on our way. The final tally of contributions pushed us over the top of the goal of $50,000. WLTX came out and did a story on the send off and the victory party for Mason. They aired it on the 11pm news as the lead story Sunday night.
A lot has happened. We will spend our final moments packing and tidying up the final loose ends. God is good and will continue to be our rock throughout this time. We pray for His glory to be seen and that we will be drawn closer to Him and that others can find hope, joy and salvation through our Lord. There are just too many folks to mention that have gone so out of their way for us, thank you all for your love and gifts. God bless you and keep you, till we meet again. May it be soon!
Mike
Update: Thursday, May 13, 2004
One day until we leave for Disney! I don’t know who is excited more, me or the kids. The kids are looking forward to the rides, but I am looking forward to taking a break from packing, cleaning, and going through my check lists. What a blessing this will be.
Just so you know, WLTX Channel 19 will be going with us to Seattle to get footage of us getting the kids settled into my cousin’s house and the first day of testing at the Hutch. They will then be returning to Seattle on the day of transplant to film. The station gave me tentative dates and times of airing. They are May 26th at 6:00 p.m. and 11:00p.m. (two different stories), May 27th at 11:00 p.m. (new story) then on June 17th, (time unknown, story-transplant). If those times change, we will let you know. Those that don’t live in South Carolina should be able to log onto www.WLTX.com for the stories. They are also filming at my going away party on Sunday, May 23, at the church building. It is my prayer that God is glorified through all of this media attention. I pray that my story of God’s faithfulness will touch the life of someone who does not yet know Christ. Please join me in this prayer.
God has answered our prayer for a private jet to bring me home from Seattle. Jimmy Richardson, CEO of Pierre Foods, has willingly offered the use of his plane. Sonja, a friend at church is his cousin, and approached him with the request. He immediately responded and said he would be happy to do it. I praise God for the hearts and generosity of such people.
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters. He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness for His name sake. EVEN THOUGH I WALK THROUGH THE VALLEY OF THE SHADOW OF DEATH, I FEAR NO EVIL; FOR THOU ART WITH ME; Thy rod and Thy staff, they comfort me. Thou dost prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; Thou hast anointed my head with oil; My cup overflows. Surely goodness and loving kindness will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
Kris
Update: Thursday, May 6, 2004
Today is Mason’s seventh birthday! We will be going over to the Hupp’s house after lunch for a “pool” birthday party. The kids are so excited and keep asking me if it’s time to go. It will be a great celebration and relaxing time…let’s see, do I remember how to relax? I am going to try to get everything else out of my mind and just focus on the present time and the children today, after all, tomorrow has enough worry of its own, right?
As Mike said in the last update, the yard sale was a complete success! I am continually being touch by the outpouring of love. Several people in our community have sent in money to help with my medical expenses after seeing the story on television. I even was contacted by a woman who lives in the Columbia area who underwent a bone marrow transplant three years ago in Seattle. I can’t wait to get all sorts of details from her. What a blessing that is for me!
I want to give a list of days and ask for special prayers on those days. May 25: we fly out; May 26: Mason and I begin medical testing and evaluations; June 10: Chemo begins; June 14: I am put in the hospital for two days of intravenous chemo (the really nasty stuff); June 17: Transplant day, including Mason’s procedure (referred to as “Day 0”, my new birthday). I beg each of you to bring us before our Lord every day, but especially on these days.
What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ – the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead. Philippians 3:8-11
Kris
Update: Saturday, May 1, 2004
This week seems to have flown by. God is working to keep us trusting Him. It is so clear that we can’t get everything done ourselves and we don’t even have the answers about what needs to be done. We started this week trying to tie up loose ends with bills, mail service, insurance, accommodations, travel, air purification system, etc. Now that we have a very specific date, we can finalize those type details and plans. Kris has been very efficient (this has always been her forte’) in organizing and lining all this out. While she did that I have been trying to unload all my work responsibilities to the appropriate folks for the time we will be gone. More interesting, though, might be the time that both of us spend under the house. We had a few outdoor cats. I guess living on thirty acres you could more appropriately say that there are about 5 “stray cats” that don’t stray so much from our house that we feed. Well, two of them that turned up pregnant, had found a way up under our house and decided that was the best place to have their kittens. Kris and I spend Monday and Tuesday nights crawling around and digging out cats from our crawl space and insulation. We also sealed of the entry way that the cats had found. After those episodes, we really spent the bulk of the week preparing for our huge yard sale and silent auction held at the Lexington church of Christ. So many folks put in untold hours of collecting, cleaning, sorting and pricing items. Thank you so much. Today was the culmination of tons of time, effort and love. God parted the storm, gave us good weather and brought loads of folks to come, shop and help. The tally at the end of the day for our medical expense fund came to $13,009.44. Praise God. Only He could put together such a wonderful event. Towards the end of the event, News 19 came out and interviewed Kris, Mason and myself. We made the 6 o’clock news and are supposed to be on again at 11:00. We pray that God will be the focus of all the good things and He will get the glory. It is very clear to Kris and me that we are so very blessed. God is good to us and we want everyone to know it. Thank you all again for your outpouring of love to us. There were so many people who God used to make this a success and thank you all. God bless!
Mike
Update: Saturday, April 24, 2004
Wow! Another week has sped by and I am a little out of breath just trying to keep up. Let me warn you, this will be a long update!
Monday morning I took Kaylee to her Pediatrician for her ears and throat. Dr. Bates called Kaylee’s ENT and we went to his office in the afternoon. We found out that she needed her tubes replaced and tonsils out. We also discovered that she has what is called “silent reflux.” We scheduled her surgery for Friday morning. Tuesday, Dr. King’s office called and said they made a mistake. The doctor would be out of town on Friday, so the only day available for the procedure before we leave would be Wednesday, the very next day. So, what’s the problem with that? Well, I was scheduled for my bone aspiration on Wednesday morning and after the aspiration, I would be out of commission for two to three days. (Let’s see, what is it I keep being told? You don’t grow without struggles. I have to continually remind myself of that.) Mike took Wednesday off work and took Kaylee to the hospital at 6:00 a.m. and my dad took me to my appointment. Kaylee did great and was running around the house by the next day. (Thanks to the Kellis, Turner, and Hupp families for helping out with the children during my recovery time!)
Now a funny thing happened on the way to the doctor’s office. We were about two miles from our exit and a person, not seeing us, merged into our lane…right into us. So now, instead of being a few minutes early, I was wondering if I was going to make it at all. As we were waiting for the police, I was able to talk with the other driver, Mike. As it turns out, his wife has Leukemia and went through a bone marrow transplant many years ago. She is facing struggles, but she is alive. That is very encouraging. One of Mike’s co-workers came by the scene and drove me to my appointment and I got there on time. There is never a dull moment!
That brings us to Thursday. Last week there was some question about Mason’s size and being able to retrieve enough stem cells for the transplant. I spoke with the Hutch and found out that they held a faculty meeting on Wednesday about my case and decided to go ahead with using him as the donor. I talked to Mason about it and he is excited that he is the one that gets to save his mom’s life. Matt was hoping he could do it, but is being very supportive of Mason. In addition, I discovered that in the mean time another unrelated donor was discovered. Out of the five original unrelated donor possibilities, two were perfect matches. The unrelated donor coordinator in Seattle was amazed with my situation. She said, “We so often deal with heart breaking cases where a person can not find a donor. We never see such a feast of donors as we do with you.” It made me think of the apostles when they fished all night and got nothing until Jesus told them to fish on the other side of the boat. Then there were so many fish the nets began to break. The result was so big it had to be Jesus. It is that way with me. The results are so amazing that it is obvious that Jesus is involved. That is not all. One of the doctors at the Hutch spoke with me and told me how absolutely rare it is that a child would be a perfect match for his parent. You can probably count on your hands the number of times it has happened over the past twenty years. Again…it had to be Jesus. Please join us in praise to God!
Now if that wasn’t enough for one day, something else amazing happened. I received a call from WIS (our local news station) saying they received a letter describing my situation and my faith in God and they wanted to put my story on the air. Wow! What I am most excited about is they want to highlight my faith. I am a bit nervous about doing the show, but knowing I have the opportunity to go into every house in my community and tell what God has done for me, I am more than willing. Please be praying that God is the only one who receives glory and that I am able to share Jesus in a way that will draw others to him.
We now come to Friday…I did warn you this was going to be long, didn’t I? The scheduling department in Seattle called and set up Mason’s and my initial medical evaluation and tests. The examinations will begin on Wednesday, May 26th at 1:00 p.m. I will begin chemo seven to ten days after that. Chemo will be given for six days then I will have a day of rest before the transplant. Having the date set allows me to start scheduling airline transportation and caregivers for myself and the children. This is our schedule up until we leave: From today until May 13th we will be preparing the air quality of the house for our return, packing, arranging Mike’s leave of absence, raising funds, saying good-bye to friends, arranging caregivers, and tying up about a thousand other loose ends. We leave for Disney on May 14th. We will be there until May 20th. On May 21st we go to the beach in Florida for a family get together and birthday celebration for Debbie. We will be leaving on Saturday, May 22nd, a day earlier than originally planned, to return to South Carolina. Sunday, May 23rd will be our last Sunday at church for many months so it was important for us to come back in time to spend a day with our Christian family. We will have one day of “rest” (laundry & final packing) before we fly out early in the morning on May 25th. Please be in prayer as we finalize our plans and try to get everything finished. Specifically pray for peace and calmness during the whirlwind of events over the next month. Pray for good health for our family. Pray for Mason as he prepares for his procedure and pray that he recovers quickly without too much pain and discomfort. Pray for me as I now, more than ever, face the reality of transplant. Please pray that God strengthens me and my family through this experience. Above all, pray that when this is all over, God is glorified!
Kris
Update: Thursday, April 15, 2004
What a week this has been! Well, for that matter, two weeks. I guess I will start with the biggest news and go from there. Tuesday, April 13th, was my birthday and for a present I found out from Seattle that they located a perfect unrelated match for me. All they could tell me about the individual was that the donor is from a European country. They said they would continue looking for a back up donor as well. On Wednesday evening, on the way to church, Seattle called me back with some new information. Two of my children were not matches, but Mason, at this moment is a match. The lab is still completing the testing of the expressions of each antigen, so it is not official yet, but they believe that he will be a perfect match. This came as such a surprise, and I am still digesting the information. I found it difficult to share the news with anyone at church. I think I needed to process everything first before I felt comfortable talking about it. With this news came a new wave of apprehension. Finding a donor makes the reality of a transplant so real again in my mind. And, having that donor be my own son, well that’s almost more than a mom can bear. I found it difficult to teach my class because my emotions were so close to the surface and the lesson material spoke right to my heart. Everyone was gracious and patient with me. Thank you!
Since I have a donor, I may be going to Seattle as early as the first of June. That doesn’t leave me much time to get “my house in order.” And, that is exactly what we have been trying to do for the past two weeks. I was informed that I can not be around vacuuming for close to a year after transplant. This created an issue as my house was full of carpet. Last week we started moving half of our house around to allow wood and laminate floors to be laid. It is amazing how much dust can settle in the back of a closet…you just don’t want to know! My throat and eyes hurt as we moved, cleaned, dusted and sorted through everything. I am thankful that we had the time to take care of this major task. (My immune system will be so fragile when I return that we must take every precaution available to ensure a clean environment.) With all this clearing out of rooms, I mentioned to a friend, “wouldn’t it be great if while everything is out I could add some color to my white walls.” Before I knew what was happening, a painting party was planned for last Thursday and Fran, Carla, and Jan came out to my house and painted for me until the wee hours of the morning. What a gift of love! Today, the other half of the house had to be moved and several came out to help clear out the children’s rooms. Thank you Mary, Fran, Carla, Allan, and Sid; you truly blessed me today.
I will close with something that has comforted me this past week. It is an excerpt from “Experiencing the Heart of Jesus.” The story is told of a man on an African safari deep in the jungle. The guide before him had a machete and was whacking away the tall weeds and thick underbrush. The traveler, wearied and hot, asked in frustration, “Where are we? Do you know where you are taking me? Where is the path?!” The seasoned guide stopped and looked back at the man and replied, “I am the path.” We ask the same questions, don’t we? We ask God, “Where are you taking me? Where is the path?” And he, like the guide, doesn’t tell us. If he did, would we understand? Would we comprehend our location? No, like the traveler, we are unacquainted with this jungle. So rather than give us an answer, Jesus gives us a far greater gift. He gives us himself. Jesus doesn’t give hope by changing the jungle; he restores our hope by giving us himself. And he has promised to stay until the very end. “I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” (Matthew 28:20)
Kris
Update: Saturday, April 10, 2004
I suppose I have been irresponsible in keeping up with my journaling. I did warn you that I am notorious for that very thing. I will try to do better.
There is something in the works that I haven’t shared yet on the website, though many in my church family are aware of it. Mike was asked to send a sample of his blood to Seattle as a way to qualify or disqualify the children as potential bone marrow donors. We did as we were asked, never thinking for a moment that Mike would be a close enough match to me that the children had a shot of matching. I received a call about 2 weeks ago from Seattle and they said that half of Mike’s tissue markers matched mine perfectly. Since our children receive half of their markers (A, B, and DR) from Mike and half from me, there is a pretty good chance that one of the boys would be a perfect match for me. The benefit in having a related donor rather than an unrelated one is so great that the doctors requested blood samples from each of the boys. At first, I was extremely uncomfortable with this decision, thinking only of their temporary discomfort. I do understand the benefits, so we are proceeding. When we explained to the boys about having to give blood, Matt immediately said, “Sure mom, whatever you need.” On the day we took them to the doctor, Mikey volunteered to go first to show Mason that it wouldn’t hurt. Now, if you know Mikey and needles, this was MAJOR! It completely took me by surprise. They all did great and we treated them to ice cream cones after it was over. Of course, I had to make it a “schooling event” so when we got home they all had to write in their journals about the experience. We will find out the results on April 22. Please be praying about this. God knows what is best and right and I am counting on Him to give us wisdom and peace.
Some good news! Mike and I wanted to do something really fun with the children before we left for Seattle for transplant. We decided that the place the kids would like the best would be Disney World. As I was looking into this, I discovered that Disney has a “Compassion Program” for cancer patients. They are giving our whole family free passes to visit Magic Kingdom, Animal Kingdom, MGM Studios, Sea World and Universal Island Adventures. Five days times six people…that’s a wonderful gift! To make this trip even better, it will end with a family get together. Debbie, Mike’s sister who has been battling cancer for three years, will be coming to Florida to celebrate her 40th birthday. She also wanted to take Aurora, her little girl, to Disney World while there. Mike and I were able to time our trip so that we can meet up with them and the rest of Mike’s family and go to Magic Kingdom together. After that, we will all head over to Satellite Beach for weekend of celebration. We will be gone May 15th - 23rd. The boys are counting down the days!
Please continue to pray for me. I am sick again with another sinus infection. These secondary illnesses take all the remaining energy I have to fight them off. This leaves me too tired to want to do much of anything. I am encouraged, however, by a scripture I read last week. 2 Corinthians 9:8 – “And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.” God can take even me, no matter what my circumstances, and give me all I need so I can do His good works. I serve an awesome God!
Kris
Update: Tuesday, April 6, 2004
Well, it has been over two weeks and much has happened. Actually, since I have written it has been quite a bit longer than that. Let me tell you what has happened. No! That will take too long, let me sum up. (Can you tell we are Princess Bride fans?) A couple of weeks ago, Kris came down with a sinus infection and had to be put on antibiotics. She responded well and gained strength to move to the next challenge. God always seems to give the strength needed at the right time. The final weeks of Excelsior! Academy were full of activities surrounding the performance of Homer’s Bluegrass Odyssey. Getting the boys to the various rehearsals and three performances took plenty of Kris’ time and energy. The final production was fantastic and a joy to see.
Rena Irwin, our wonderful sister in Christ, went to be with our Lord on Sunday, March 24th. She fought her battle with cancer for many years. Rena's life was a tribute to faithfulness and grace. We thank God that we were allowed to share part of our lives with her. As you remember us in prayer, please raise Bill up to the Father in this time of sorrow.
Our search for a bone marrow donor continues. Waiting seems to be a big part of this process. So far, Seattle has contacted five people on the donor registry and asked if they are willing to donate. We know of only one person who has responded and sent in a sample of their blood to be tested. Next Tuesday we should find out the compatibility of that un-related donor.
There are plenty of folks going way out of their way to bless us with generosity of time, money and love. Kris’ friends from PLTA (this is the title insurance industry where Kris used to work) are having a major fund raising drive for Kris. Families from Excelsior Academy and our church, as well as others are putting together a yard sale event to raise funds. The yard sale will be held on May 1st at the Lexington Church of Christ. Fran O’dell’s brother has produced a bluegrass/country CD full of songs that he has written about people and events that have touched his life (this is very special) and has chosen to donate half of all the profits of Fran’s sales of the CD to go toward Kris’ medical fund. Look for more details of this special CD coming soon. Thank you to each of you (I can’t possibly list everyone, there are many) who have researched, worked, prayed, watched our children, cleaned and given many other gifts to us over the past few months. God bless each of you. You have blessed us.
Mike
Update: Sunday, March 21, 2004
It is amazing how quickly situations change. One moment things look up, the next they are down. One day I feel strong, the next I am sick. This is one reason why my joy must be dependant upon Jesus rather than what is going on around me. Hebrew 13:8 says, Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever. My circumstances change so rapidly, but I know I can depend on Jesus who is faithful and unchanging. I have not been feeling well since the 13th of this month. I actually felt so poorly that I did not teach this past Tuesday at Excelsior, which for me is a big thing. By Thursday my energy had dropped to nothing and I went to see the doctor on Friday. From the symptoms it seemed like sinus infection. Blood work confirmed an infection so I am on antibiotics. I have been running a slight temperature for the past few days which has added to my discomfort. I am praying for a quick recovery.
Something nice happened this week. My brother Greg, his wife Kerry and their boys Ian and Andrew came through for a visit on the way home to Oklahoma from Florida where they had been visiting Kerry’s family. It has been about two years since I’ve seen them and it was great having them, even though I ended up in bed the last day they were here. There is just something comforting about seeing family.
I have begun reading a book entitled Shattered Dreams-God’s Unexpected Pathway to Joy, by Larry Crabb. I have only read a few chapters, but so far it is great…challenging, but it a good way. If the title describes something you are currently going through, I would suggest picking up a copy.
As always, I pray God blesses each of you and draws you a little closer to Him.
Kris
Update: Wednesday, March 10, 2004
It has been a week of victories! On Saturday I took Matt and seven other boys from my chess class to Sumter, South Carolina for the Scholastic Chess State Championship. Our team received a trophy for third place out of 20 elementary schools, and Matt received a trophy for ninth place out of the entire elementary division. Do I sound like a proud mom?
The best news came the next day. Matt has been studying for quite some time about becoming a Christian. He made his decision and chose to put on his Lord in baptism on Sunday, March 7! We are so proud of his decision. What greater joy could a parent have than to watch a child choose to live for Jesus? He has made the most important decision he will ever make in his life. Praise God!
Another victory! Tuesday afternoon I returned to my doctor’s office for a CBC. I was a bit nervous knowing that the results could go either way. My concerns however, were laid to rest. My white cell count was back to previous quantities and my platelets did not drop any further. I am thanking God for the good news. Thank you to all who held me up in prayer this past week. I know I have so many people bringing me before the throne of God and this gives me such peace and encouragement. Thank you again for all your acts of kindness and love. You are blessings sent to me from God. I want to take a little liberty with a scripture and modify it in closing. (You can find the actual scripture in Philippians 1:3-6)
I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in my journey of faith and healing from the first day until now, being confident in this, that he who began a good work in us will carry it on to completion.
Kris
Update: Thursday, March 4, 2004
Last night I introduced our ladies Bible class our new study, “Experience the Heart of Jesus”, a study by Max Lucado. I am extremely excited about beginning this next journey of faith. What does God want to teach me today…and tomorrow?
I have so many reasons to be joyful! You continuously pour out your love through emails, cards, phone calls, food, research, prayers, hugs and tears. What could I be possibly lacking? Philippians 4:19 says, “And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.” He has never failed me. He is now using you to meet my needs. Thank you for being His arms holding me, His hands serving me, and His mouth comforting and encouraging me.
I have chosen a new doctor for my local care. On February 17th I was experiencing intense fatigue and during class at Excelsior I became faint. I went in to the doctor’s office to check my blood to determine the cause. My hemoglobin was low, but really not low enough to cause that level of fatigue. After talking a while with my doctor and him forgetting certain medical information about me, he looked at me, called me by the wrong name and asked me, “Are you stressed about anything?” I thought, ok, it’s time to find a different doctor. I saw my new doctor yesterday, Dr. McElveen, and I really like him. He seems very caring and compassionate. His knowledge of my disease, its treatments and diagnostic tests is reassuring as well.
Now for specific prayer needs…
Over the past couple of weeks I have been experiencing the return of some of my original symptoms of CML. These consist of extra fatigue, pain in my ribs and sternum, and night sweats. In addition, yesterday’s CBC shows an increase of my white blood cells by 2,300. The past several weeks have shown a decline in my platelet count by 158,000. I had not been concerned about my platelets until I read the following in the doctor’s report from Seattle to my local doctor. “We also recommend watching closely for signs of rapidly falling platelet counts as anecdotally a couple of patients here at Fred Hutchison Center who failed Gleevec first manifested their evolution to blast crisis with rapidly falling platelet counts.” Each one of these issues I’ve discussed is not enough, individually, to start me worrying, but when they all come together over the course of a few weeks, it causes me to be somewhat concerned. Rather than waiting two weeks for another CBC, I will go in on Tuesday for a recheck and hopefully the results will put my mind at ease. I just want to rule out any bad trends developing in my counts.
As we have been researching CML and Gleevec, we have come across some disturbing trends in the medical journals. Resistance to the drug and chromosomal mutations to overcome Gleevec are topics we are seeing repeatedly. The initial hope I had that Gleevec was "the answer" is fading. So, in order to know what my options are, I have initiated an official search of the bone marrow registry for an unrelated donor. I am told that searches take an average of three months to complete. Please pray for no further disease progression and for a perfect unrelated donor to be found.
Thank you for your faithfulness in lifting me up before the Father. Please keep Mike in your prayers also as this is taking a toll on him. I pray you feel God’s love and peace!
Kris
Update: Friday, February 27, 2004
When I think about it, it’s funny I chose to write a journal. Over the years I have made one miserable attempt after another at journaling. Scattered around my room are several “journals” in which there are anywhere from one to three entries each dated at least one year apart. A couple nights ago I stumbled across one of these journals. There are only three entries, one dated in 1999 and the next two are in 2000. The earlier one was written right before we had a foster child come to live with us. The next one was as she was preparing to leave. I want to share two small sections from that journal because it is amazing how it fits into my current situation.
2/1/99
Faith is confidence that what God has promised or said will come to pass. Faith is also believing that the God who called us to an assignment is the One who will provide for its accomplishment. (-Henry Blackaby)…I have times of peace and times of anxiety about this. I am stepping out on faith though I believe that He who calls is able to provide.
6/24/00
It has been a year and three month journey. There were many tests along the way, some I passed and some I didn’t. The times that were the toughest were when I was relying on my own strength, not on God’s…From this experience I have learned things about myself, some good and some bad. I am thankful that God used us and taught me these lessons. I want my heart to be like His. If I need to go through trials to have that, then may He bless me again!
The last two sentences of June’s entry reminded me of something I said just a few days before I was diagnosed with leukemia. It was during our Saturday morning Bible study. I said to the ladies there, “I want to have a faith as strong as my mom’s, but I really don’t want to suffer the way she did to get it.” God in all His wisdom and compassion is answering my first request, knowing the second comment was based on fear. I want to say it again, “I want my heart to be like His. If I need to go through trials to have that, then may He bless me again!” He is blessing me now by drawing me close to Him. We don’t grow without pain and hardship.
Psalm 16:8-9 I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore, my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure.
Kris
Update: Saturday, February 21, 2004
There have been some new changes to our outlook and I thought that I would share them. Shortly after the last update I couldn’t get the song “Teach me Lord to wait” out of my head. That is apparently what we are going to need to do. The second verse of the song is from Isaiah 40:31, “Those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength.” We need to continue to walk faithfully trusting Him. I also found a source of encouragement from reading in Daniel chapter 2. Daniel has just found out that the king is going to kill all the wise men because they couldn’t reveal his dream and answer his questions. Daniel pleads with the king to give him time. Then when facing almost certain death, he turns in prayer to God and God gives him the answers to the king’s questions. In verses 20-23 Daniel prays a prayer of praise and thankfulness. Daniel speaks of God and gives me hope, “It is He who reveals the profound and hidden things; He knows what is in the darkness, and the light dwells with Him. To You, O God of my fathers, I give thanks and praise, for You have given me wisdom and power; even now You have made known to me what we requested of You…” We will continue to plead with God to reveal everything that we need to know in this time of darkness as we face an uncertain future.
When we got back to Lexington, it was clear that I needed to get with my employer and see what could be done to improve the financial arrangements surrounding my insurance. God be praised! The initial information we received about transplant coverage was incorrect. Our actual coverage is just about as good as we could possibly have hoped. That doesn’t mean that we won’t have some rather large expenses, but insurance should help much more than we were first told.
We are still in the quandary of having to decide between a know cure with some very serious potential side effects and unsure survival rates or pursuing a regime of Gleevec with very limited information about how it will work and very possibly still having to pursue a bone marrow transplant later with less favorable conditions. We have decided that for now, we are going to spend the next three months (the time until our next PCR test and the normal milestone 6 month appointment) allowing Gleevec to do its thing. We will spend this time waiting on God and listening to what He will tell us. We will research to the best of our ability all we can about Gleevec and what is happening with it in current clinical trials as well as all the latest data on bone marrow transplants. One of our goals during this time is just to spend some quality time with our family. We will trust God to give us the strength to get through this and the wisdom to know what to do and when to just wait on Him.
Another blessing: Kris was down in the dumps yesterday when Melissa Alsup showed up to watch our kids. Rather than take a nap, Kris picked up her new Bible study book and started the first lessons. God is so good…it was just what she needed. God spoke and strengthened her through His word. He is so faithful to His children!
Please continue to bring us before the Father. Lift Kris up and pray that in all this God’s will will be done and He will be glorified. Thank you all for caring and making us feel so loved.
Mike
Update: Monday, February 16, 2004
Well, I am sure that everyone is anxiously waiting for the update about the trip. We are safely back at home. It was very good to be reunited with our children. We were very well taken care of by Kris’ family in Seattle. We stayed with Darrell and Lucricia and their little girl. The visit with the family was very good and it was a blessing for me to get to know them better. I had missed most of the visits that Kris and the children have made over the last several years for one reason or another, so that was wonderful for me to be a part.
As for the trip, Thursday and Friday we spent most of our time (and energy) in looking over the facilities and meeting with our consulting doctor and staff. We had enough time before our first meeting on Thursday to do a little strolling on the waterfront and eat a quick lunch at Ivan’s (clam chowder in a sourdough bread bowl, of course). We got to the hospital after lunch and met our volunteer (Zip) who was to show us around for the afternoon. Zip is a retired age gentleman who very kindly showed us several places that we might be interested in using for accommodations, if in fact we go there for a bone marrow transplant. Our questions about where we would stay, transportation, and what we could do with the children and their education were all answered very nicely that afternoon. In the Pete Gross house (an apartment building built by the Pete Gross foundation for the use of Fred Hutchinson patients) were studio, single bedroom and two bedroom apartments. Also, on the ground level, there is “the Hutch School” where the children of cancer patients can have their schooling. This school has the distinct flavor of a home schooling environment (how appropriate for us). It has usually less than 35 students K-12 and they do all there work in three age groups. We were very impressed with the facilities and the teachers. We also checked out a few other potential apartments/hotels where we might consider staying. Each had its unique bonuses, but all were very accommodating to Hutch patients. We then had a few minutes extra and Zip carried us on a quick tour of the University of Washington’s campus. Kris enjoyed the buildings and gardens. We ended our time with Zip by going by the transplant facility and touring one of the patient floors. Again, they clearly go out of their way to make a very difficult experience into one that you can almost enjoy. We are very pleased with being affiliated with the Hutch. They really seem to do things right. After our tour, we ended the day at Kris' Uncle and Aunt's house for a big family dinner. We had a wonderful time of feasting and fellowship! Obviously, they have been watching the food channel.
On Friday, we started early with a consultation with Dr. William Ho. He had about an hour or so worth of notes to go over with us. All this was to run down the basics of CML, the history of treatments, what our case was and how we fit in to the whole situation. He gave us a bunch of statistics, new data from our tests and what it meant to him. We found out that Kris has a relatively common tissue type and that there is a relatively strong possibility that there will be a current match on the registry. He discussed the merits of BMT vs. trying to stay the course with Gleevec and wait to see how we do. In the end, he said the choice was really up to us. This part we already knew, but he said that BMT is the only “known” cure and that would be a supported choice or we could go with what seemed good results with Gleevec and see if it would prolong life and a remission for Kris and possibly avoid the risks and side effects of a BMT, yet with no real historical data to know how Gleevec will perform in the long haul. We knew we had a choice, and those were the choices. It was a little difficult to take after a long 3 hour meeting (we had a long list of questions after he completed his notes) to end up with the same choice we felt we knew we had before hand. We had hoped to end up with some new data that would point us is a very clear way. His personal recommendation was to stay with Gleevec and pursue BMT only after there was clear evidence of resistance to it. He also said that there were other doctors there who would say that the clear choice is still to pursue a BMT if a good donor is located. So, here we are with that same choice. God gave us a billboard sign to prepare us for the sibling mismatches, now we are looking for the writing on the wall. We followed up our meeting with Dr. Ho by meeting with an unrelated donor matching agent, a financial advisor and then a brief visit with a nurse. To locate an unrelated donor and make sure all tests are done to ensure a “perfect” match takes about 2 to 3 months once the process is started. It also takes a whole lot of money to get the ball rolling. We then discussed the financial details of a BMT and found out that we have a lot of pleading to do with my employer to adjust the way my insurance will cover things or we need to do some massive fund raising or more likely some of both to even consider the financial viability of this. It is good that we don’t serve a God that is limited. We are convinced that God will be with us and will make the way clear. It was a lot to process for one day and we went home that night just wanting to spend some time thinking of other things. We needed a break and Kris’ cousin Rod and his wife, Trina, invited us over for a nice visit.
On Saturday, we took a “Sabbath” day and went out with a couple of Kris’ friends Julie and Barb, who came to see her. The hospital had given us passes for four to the aquarium and we had a nice long relaxing lunch and went through the aquarium and enjoyed the otters, seals, star fish, octopi, fish, and sharks. Kris got to see a seadragon which just blew her mind. It is a relative to the seahorse but looks like a floating weed. She also got her own personal touching tour when one of the marine biologists found out that she was truly interested in the details of the various marine life. She (the biologist) got a large Pyrex mixing bowl and filled it with water and started pulling out sea anemones, star fish, cucumbers, and other exotic sea life for Kris to touch. It was an enjoyable time for all. It was also a nice break from the focus on leukemia.
Kris’ cousin, Darrell, ended our time there nicely with some quality prayer time. We know that God knows what we need. He knew where we would be right now and He has given us our daily bread. Today is sufficient for us. God be praised. He is good. We will continue to lay our petitions at His feet and look to Him for our strength, for wisdom and for comfort. Thank you to everyone who made this trip possible and who are looking out for us for our coming financial challenges. Thank you for lifting us up in prayer. Know that we thank God daily for you. May He have all praise and honor! God bless each of you today.
Mike
Update: Thursday, February 12, 2004
We are safely in Seattle. The flight was very smooth. God is good. We are staying with Kris' cousin Darrell and family. Today we will go out to "the Hutch" and will be given some tours of the facilities and the related services that are provided here. Tomorrow we will have our consultation with a doctor and visit with nurses and their financial planners to go over details of our case. Thank you to all of you who are praying and covering us with love.
I am trying to see what we need to do to login to our email here remotely. Right now we aren't receiving them. We will certainly get them all when we get back if we can't figure it out before then.
God bless you all. We will try to find opportunity to put up a couple of updates as information unfolds. We love you.
Mike
Update: Tuesday, February 10, 2004
This is just a quick note to let everyone know where we are right now. In the morning, we will be catching a 6:45am flight from Columbia to Dallas and then connecting from Dallas to Seattle. We arrive in Seattle around lunch time there. Thank you to everyone who has prayed for us and loved us with so many wonderful gifts. God bless you all.
Someone asked us to put up a list of things that we specifically want you to pray for surrounding this trip. Well, here are some specifics: Pray for peace for our children. Please pray for clear answers and direction from the physicians in Seattle. Pray for a safe trip. Pray for wisdom as we sort through all the information. Pray for God to be glorified through everything. We are so thankful that we have been blessed by God with special answered prayers and blessed with good family and friends who are caring so lovingly over us.
Right now we feel very blessed by God. Praise Him for giving us peace and this good feeling.
“Praise the Lord, all you nations; extol him, all you peoples. For great is his love toward us, and the faithfulness of the Lord endures forever. Praise the Lord.” Psalm 117
Mike
Update: Saturday, February 7, 2004
My Billboard Sign
It is with mixed emotion that I write this update. I had been waiting on pins and needles for three weeks to find out if either Cheri or Greg (my sister and brother) would be a match for a bone marrow transplant. The news came in on Wednesday of this week. As it turns out, neither of them are matches. This was extremely disappointing because statistically I had a much better chance to match a sibling than someone on the donor registry. Fortunately I don’t serve a God that is limited by statistics! On the contrary, God is not limited in any way. Actually, the results of the HLA testing did not come as a complete surprise. I want to share with you how God prepared me for this news.
In December when I was diagnosed with CML, I was at a loss as to what to do. When I prayed, I told God how lost I felt and asked Him for a big billboard sign or hand writing on the wall to show me the way. I have prayed that same prayer at different times over the last couple months when things became confusing or overwhelming. About two weeks ago, Mike was driving home from work on our main road and noticed something. Now, if you know where I live you know I’m using the words “main road” lightly. I live off the beaten path, basically out in the middle of nowhere. Well, on this small stretch of road between the highway and my turn-off, there is a billboard sign on the right side of the road. Over the years we have seen it advertise many things, most of which go unnoticed. Recently the sign was changed. There is now a picture of a man with the following caption, “Donated bone marrow to a stranger – SACRIFICE – Pass it on”. (Look for a photo of the sign in a coming update.) The moment I saw the billboard I asked, “I wonder if this means Cheri and Greg won’t be a match.” I believe God was preparing me for this disappointment. I would have been devastated had I received the news with no warning. I had really not even considered the possibility of having to search the registry for a donor as I felt sure it would be a sibling. He is so gracious to me.
Mike and I leave for Seattle, Washington on Wednesday, February 11th. We will be returning on the evening of the 15th. While there we are scheduled to get tours of the Fred Hutchinson transplant facility and meet with a specialist who will provide specific guidance and answers to the questions we have. Also, we will explore other service offered by the hospital and local organizations. In addition, we will have the pleasure of spending some of our “free time” with our relatives who live there and some good friends. Please keep our children in your prayers while we are gone. This separation is particularly difficult for Mikey given the circumstances.
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28
Kris
Update: Sunday, February 1, 2004
God is so good! I say that with all that is within me. I do not say it because my disease is gone. Nor do I say it because I am pain free. I say it because it is truth. I wrestled last night with fears, doubts, and questions for which I had no answers. I asked God, “What happened to my life, what happened to my health, my security, my hope, my future?” I felt as though I was in the middle of a storm, darkness enveloped me and all I could see were the waves. Through my tears I cried out to God. At first, I had no words. I asked Mike to pray. I couldn’t even communicate to him what was the matter; I simply needed him to pray. I was overcome by fear; the kind of fear that immobilizes. As Mike prayed, I was able to cry out to God for what I needed at that moment, peace. As I did, God’s words came immediately to my mind, “Perfect love drives out fear.” “So Lord,” I begged, “If love drives out fear, let me feel your love and your presence right now.” He answered, praise His name, He answered. I began to feel a sense of peace as I began laying every concern before Him. The storm was far from over, but He began to quietly calm His child. He held to His promise, “Do not be anxious for anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. AND THE PEACE THAT TRANSCENDS ALL UNDERSTANDING WILL GUARD YOUR HEARTS AND YOUR MINDS IN CHRIST JESUS (Phil. 4:7).
One of the waves crashing around me was the overwhelming concern for my children. The thought of being separated from them as I go through several months of treatment was tearing at my heart. Not only would I miss them terribly, but I knew the toll on them would be great. Again, God spoke to me through His word saying, “Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.” (Matt. 6:34) I know my focus must not be on the unknown, but rather on God’s faithfulness.
Another wave crashing upon me was just the realization that I have cancer, I may not live long on this earth, and I have no control over that. Those of you that know me well know that I am a planner and organizer. I like to control what is going on in my life. I make lists, I plan, I prepare, and I even organize my videos alphabetically within sub-groups (strange, but true). I am most comfortable when I feel that I am in control of a situation. (Anyone else out there feel like this?) Knowing that I have absolutely no control over my life or my illness causes apprehension. Of course, the reality is that I was never the one in control of my life. (Now, I’m going to let you in on a little secret…you’re not the one in control of your life either.) Again, Matthew 6 came to mind, “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?” I felt God gently reminding me that He is the one in control. He is the one with the master list, He has the perfect plan for my life, and He has made all the necessary preparations for His will to be done in me. It says in Ephesians 2:10, “For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” I need to accept that it is God’s responsibility to plan, and my responsibility to submit to His will and rest in the knowledge of His loving kindness.
The reason I am sharing this is two fold. First, so I remember. I do not ever want to forget what God is teaching me through this. I feel like I'm having a tutoring session with the Master Teacher and I need to take good notes! Second, I want everyone to understand that I could not fight this battle without God being with me every moment. People have said to me, “You’re so strong”, “You are amazing”, and even “If anyone can get through this, you can.” Please do not think that. I am not strong or even the slightest bit amazing. If you could have seen the struggle last night you would have seen that it is not me. The truth is, I am so weak but it is God who gives me strength. When I am afraid it is God who gives me comfort. When I worry and fret about the storm, it is God who gently says, “Peace, be still.” You know, none of this is about me. It is all about God. Philippians 2:13 says it best, “For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.” God is amazing…and He is at work!
Kris
Update: Friday, January 30, 2004
Greetings dear friends…I have missed writing in my journal. South Carolina just experienced an ice storm (so much for global warming) which broke down power lines all over the city. We were without power for four days. It is amazing how much I take heat, lights, and hot water for granted. The power was restored yesterday evening and we slept in a warm house last night. Praise God!
I have not received the results from the biopsy my doctor took during my recent endoscopy, so I have no update on that issue. The medicine they gave me to help with the pain and reflux has not helped much. We may try something different. In the mean time I have adjusted my diet. Why is the answer to every medical problem the removal of coffee and chocolate from my diet? What’s left that’s worth eating?
My sister, Cheri was here for a week and left on Wednesday. It was so good to see her, hug her, cry with her and have fun together. Last Friday Cheri, Carla, Jan and I all went out to Jan’s lake house for the night. What a blessed time of fellowship and encouragement. After dinner, courtesy of Olive Garden, we stayed up way beyond the point of reason talking and sharing together. I am thankful for Cheri’s family understanding that we needed to be together and encouraging her to come. I am also thankful to Steve and John for the sacrifices they make (regularly) in order for me to spend time with Carla and Jan. Proverbs 17:22 says that “a cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” I can’t think of any better medicine for my bones than to spend “cheerful” time with the gifts God gave me, my friends.
Now I come to the favorite part of my journaling, sharing the scriptures God has blessed me with. The prayer I’m praying this week is found in Psalm 63:1-8. It says, “O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you in a dry and weary land where there is no water. I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory. Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands. My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you. On my bed I remember you; I think of you through the watches of the night. Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings. My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.” Amen!
Kris
Update: Thursday, January 22, 2004
Just a brief update. Kris has had a couple of pretty good days in a row. Good energy and feeling generally good. Praise God! Her sister from Oregon has come down to spend some time with us. That is fun and a blessing. All the plans for traveling to Seattle to see a specialist and visit the hospital there are coming together. It looks like we should learn a lot and see closer up some of the things that we might be going through. Kris spoke with the geneticist who read her preliminary chromosome testing. He was impressed with her knowledge of the disease. What we were trying to find out was a baseline level of Philadelphia chromosome. This will give us a good idea of how well the Gleevec has been working when we go have a follow up test in a few months. She had been 100% Philadelphia chromosome positive. So, whatever reduction that she achieves from there will be due to Gleevec. Kris had another doctor's visit yesterday. She went to a GI specialist to see if we can find out what has been causing her stomach problems. This has progressively gotten worse over the last 2-2 1/2 years. They set up an appointment for today to look down her throat and into her stomach. Hopefully, this will provide some answers. God has been very kind to us lately with good news and we ask him for answers here, too. This is just another thing that you can keep Kris in your prayers about.
I know this update has been a little scattered. I just wanted to get a few pieces of information out there. Since our last writing, there were a couple of other nice things. Matthew, our middle son, had his ninth birthday. We had a party at Frankie's Fun Park. Our kids have never been there and it was fun to see Matt's reaction. When he entered the park at the arcade, his mouth dropped open, his eyes got wide and he said, "I, I, I don't even know what to do. This is like a dream. Where do I start?" Of course, that was short lived and all the children at the party dove right in and had a good time. Just another note. Kris taught Excelsior yesterday and really had a good day. It seems that her good days seem to be lasting a little longer and her energy is pretty good. Again, Praise God! He is so good to us. While I am telling good things, let me share this. Kris didn't feel up to the drive, but the rest of the family drove to Atlanta and got to greet Fritz, Tami and Talia back home. Tami is my baby sister, Fritz is the one responsible for this website being available and working and Talia is there new daughter adopted from China. They just returned Saturday. Talia is beautiful and they are a very lovely family. God be praise for the good things He does. We feel blessed to be a part.
Keep praying that God will work His will and we will be very willing servants to submit to His loving work. We truly want Him to be glorified in everything we do. We know the good things that come from any of this are because of Him. Thank you again to everyone for your continued support and love. Every meal, babysitting, notes and prayers are very much appreciated. May you each see God blessing you today.
Mike
Update: Wednesday, January 14, 2004
It is late at night, I’m tired, but I can’t sleep. Today’s Bible study keeps going around in my head. I might as well share my insomnia with all of you…just a moment as I climb up onto my soap box! Here are the scriptures I read.
From Psalm 119: vs. 28 – “My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word.” vs. 71-72 and 75-77 – “It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees. The law from your mouth is more precious to me than thousands of pieces of silver and gold.” “I know, O Lord, that your laws are righteous, and in faithfulness you have afflicted me. May your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise to your servant. Let your compassion come to me that I may live, for your law is my delight.
I’m sure most of you, as I am, are currently struggling with something. It may not be cancer, but that doesn’t make it any less important to you or to God. Every trial we have is an opportunity for God to strengthen us through His word. Let us make the most out of these situations. Let’s go to the Word and listen to what God wants to teach us. Beth Moore stated, “We miss one of the most crucial purposes of difficult circumstances if we do not accept them as invitations to get into God’s Word! If we miss their purposes, we miss God’s instruction.”
God bless you on your journey. I would love to hear your thoughts on these scriptures or any other scriptures that have blessed your walk with Him. Good night!
Kris
Update: Wednesday, January 14, 2004
God is good. It is always good to be able to focus on that and see it. Monday was a trying day for Kris. We had our normal appointment with Dr. Babcock but were also to get blood draw for bone marrow matching to be sent to Seattle. The lab at their new office drew her normal lab work blood and about 60ml (about 8 extra tubes, partly because they were using smaller than normal tubes) of the blood for Seattle and then stopped. Kris wasn’t feeling so well doing the extra blood and they told us to come back after seeing Dr. Babcock to get the remaining 20ml drawn. The results for the normal blood work were good. The white blood cell count is back up into the normal range over 5000. Praise God. She is responding with the Gleevec like we would like and shouldn’t need to stop for that. Her hemoglobin is still low but improved. And Dr. Babcock recommended going to two week visits. When it came to getting the extra blood drawn we were sent to the Red Cross. Because they needed to call the Seattle lab before drawing and to make sure all the arrangements were correct we had to wait to come back after lunch (the time difference, Seattle wasn’t open yet). Apparently we were doing some relatively unusual shipping because our doctor’s office lab and the Red Cross both said that this wasn’t normal and they didn’t know how to arrange the shipping. After extra trips to the doctor’s office and Red Cross, the folks at the Red Cross decided to make this work and found a way to do the shipping and got the additional blood drawn and ended up paying for the FedEx to take care of it. The day was stressful, but ended up with the proper blood being sent and some very kind and caring folks at the Red Cross taking care of the “difficult” arrangements. Thank you Susan and Reine. Kris’ sister and brother also were able to get their blood sent to Seattle. We should know results in about three weeks. Please pray for this.
Tuesday, was the next Excelsior day and after Kris’ first day back last time there was some concern there as well. It is amazing what a little sleep will do for a person. After having a very poor night the prior week, Kris got a decent nights sleep going into yesterday and was able to handle the day quite well overall. More prayers answered. Thank you, Lord. She got tired at the end of the day and this really appears to be her limit right now. As her hemoglobin levels increase, hopefully the energy and stamina will come back and she will be able to handle more normal Kris levels.
God has been gracious and is continually giving what is needed. Each moment He works out what needs to be done and gives the necessary strength. Please continue to pray for strength and wisdom. There are many more decisions to come in the near future. Our visit to Seattle is pretty well locked in for Feb. 11-15th and we will spend most of the day of the 13th with doctors and personnel at Fred Hutchinson.
Many many thanks to all of you for your prayers. Thank you so much for helping with meals, and coming over to let Kris get a nap or a break from the kids in the afternoons. Thank you for the notes and words of encouragement. These are special joys each day for Kris and me. God certainly shows His love to us through you and we give Him the praise. May His will always be done.
Mike
Update: Saturday, January 10, 2004
Well, I must say that Tuesday could have gone better! The children were wonderful, as always, but I wasn’t I’m afraid. I did not sleep well at all Monday night. I think I woke up every half hour throughout the night. It’s not that I wasn’t tired, but I just didn’t feel well. I am curious to know if that was the result of the shot I received on Monday. When my alarm went off in the morning it was a struggle to get up. Apparently I looked even worse than I felt based on the worried looks and queries I received. Besides being extremely tired, I had about a 15 minute battle with chills. I couldn’t seem to get warm and my teeth were chattering uncontrollably. I was able to go to the teachers lounge for a few minutes, put on a coat, and wrap my hands around a cup of hot coffee. I made it through the day with the help of my assistants and the grace of God. I have to tell you a sweet thing about my chess class. Several of the children learned about my love for chocolate so at the beginning of every class period I get a collection of chocolate on my desk where other teachers would get an apple. I have the most thoughtful students...or do you think they are trying to bribe me??
I received a call from Fred Hutchinson in Seattle, the cancer treatment center where I am being referred. Mike and I will be traveling there on Wednesday, February 11. My consultation will take most of the day. I will meet with the doctor for at least an hour or for as long as necessary to thoroughly discuss my treatment options, answer questions that I may have. After that, I meet with a financial counselor to discuss how we will pay for the transplant if we choose that option and finally with an RN to discuss the bone marrow procedure and to get a tour of the facility. I have many questions and it will be so good to talk with a specialist about them. Please pray for us and our doctor for wisdom, for our children while we are away, and for the precious friends who have willingly agreed to care for our kids during that time.
On Monday my brother, sister, and I will have our blood drawn to perform HLA typing. This will determine if one of them will be a match for a bone marrow transplant. I must honestly say that I have mixed emotions about this. Part of me wants a perfect match in case a transplant becomes my only option. The other part doesn’t want a match because the thought of going through a transplant scares me more than I can tell you. It will take three weeks from the time the Seattle lab receives the blood to get the results. I should know the results a week before going there. The reality of the situation is slowly sinking in and I feel like I’m on an emotional rollercoaster. I found a great scripture in my Bible study yesterday. This is now my prayer to God. "As for me, I am in your hands; do with me whatever you think is good and right" Jeremiah 26:14.
I will update again after my doctor visit on Monday. Until then…Kris
Update: Monday, January 5, 2004
Happy New Year! Mike and I went to Dr. Babcock this morning for my regular visit and blood work. My blood counts have dropped quite a bit since my visit two weeks ago. My white blood cell count is at 3,710 (3.71 x 10^3/μL). A normal is count is 4,600 – 10,200 (4.6 – 10.2 x 10^3/μL), my red blood cell count is 3.54 10^6/μL (normal is 4.04 – 6.13) and my hemoglobin (iron) is down to 9.78g/dL (normal is 12.2 – 18.1) So, what does this mean. Well, several things actually. The low hemoglobin is really adding to my fatigue. My first response was, “I’ll eat more spinach!” Unfortunately, this anemia is not caused or cured by what I digest (food high in iron or vitamins). From what I understand, it is caused by the cancer and what it is doing to my cells. Dr. Babcock started me on a shot to increase production of my red blood cells and this should help. I hope so because I am so tired! I will have to receive this shot every two weeks. Now, as far as my white blood cells are concerned, low is good, but too low is not. Gleevec has been known to cause the WBC to drop so low that the medication had to be temporarily stopped in order for the patient’s blood count to rise. I need to stay somewhere close to the normal range. With a low WBC I could get sick easily and have a much harder time recovering. It is a delicate balance. The doctor must keep a close eye on my counts since they are low so I will see him again in one week rather than two.
I am truly blessed by my friends and church family. A couple times a week someone different comes to the house and watches the kids in the afternoons so I can rest and occasionally they bring in a meal or two. It seems that as soon as I get to feeling down, someone calls and cheers me up. I’m not sure how we would get through this without all the love and support we receive. I love them all so much.
I return to teaching tomorrow at Excelsior. I teach there every Tuesday, but we had off the month of December. I am a bit apprehensive about it honestly. I don’t know how my body will hold out. I love teaching and usually get a burst of adrenalin before I start, so I hope that will be enough to keep my going. It is my desire to not only be able to finish out the year which ends in March, but to feel well enough to teach the next year as well.
Thank you again to all who send me notes either by email or in cards. They are each such a source of encouragement. It means so much to hear from you and to know that you are praying for me and my family. I don’t know if you will ever know the impact you have. You are “tools” in God’s hands and He is using you to care for us. Thank you.
Kris
Update: Wednesday, December 31, 2003
As I sit in front of the computer, just minutes before the new year begins, I contemplate what blessings and trials this year will hold. I am unsure of so many things right now. I do not know what effect Gleevec will have on my Leukemia, if I will have to undergo a bone marrow transplant, or if God will choose to heal me. I do not know how long the side effects I am experiencing will last or if I will have the energy to do the things I want to do with my children. But even with all the uncertainties this new year brings, there are some things of which I am confident. I know God will never leave me and will see me through this trial, to His glory. I am sure that my wonderful family will continue to strengthen me as they shower me with their love. I know that my friends, who have been with me every moment of this journey, will not miss a step as we walk together. I am sure that my Christian family in Lexington will continue to support me as needs arise. I know, without a doubt, that the God of mercy will supply all my needs. Finally, as David says in Psalm 27:13-14 “I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.” Happy New Year!
Kris
Update: Friday, December 26, 2003
Merry day after Christmas! I hope you all had a great time with either family or friends. My dad and mom, who live very close, spent the morning with us opening presents while listening to Christmas music, drinking coffee and eating delicious cream cheese bread that Karen Lowe made for us. Thanks Karen!
This was our year for dangerous presents. The boys got a two seat go-cart and BB guns. Those of you who know our youngest son are questioning our sanity right now, and to tell you the truth, so am I!
Aside from all the fun girly stuff, Kaylee got a “John Deere Gator” riding vehicle. It’s not quite as big as my John Deere, but she loves it…like mother, like daughter. I have never seen the kids more excited. The older boys went out and jumped on the go-cart each taking a turn driving while Mike sat “shot gun.” Kaylee also ran out of the house, jumped on the Gator with Mason, and took off. She was in such a hurry, she forgot to put on her socks, shoes, coat, mittens, hat, etc. and it was about 30 degrees outside. Mike had to chase them down to put her clothes on.
We were invited to have Christmas dinner with Jack and Karen Close. My parents came also and we had a wonderful time. Their daughter Christy and her family were there as well. After a HUGE meal, we played Catch Phrase. It’s a fun game where you have to get your teammates to say a particular word. We divided up girls against the guys, and even though I hate to admit it, the girls lost miserably. By 7:00 p.m. I was completely exhausted and we came home and I went to bed.
Now, let’s go back to the BB guns. Today, the boys decided to do some target practicing. Mike was out there with them except for the last little bit…and that’s when it happened. Mason, who by the way has lost his BB gun privileges until his is at least 42, shot one of the side windows out of our van. I know, you are all saying, “Kris, you had to see that coming.” Once again I bring up the sanity comment. I think I completely lost my mind when I agreed with Mike to buy those. I just keep thinking…this will be funny some day!
I went for a short walk today. I felt good to get out of the house, but I find myself easily winded and tired. I also began to hurt again where I had my bone marrow removed. It isn’t pleasant at all, but I need to keep myself strong so I will try to do just a little each day. I am going to try to remain as healthy as possible through this. This will probably require a change of some of my eating habits (no more chocolate chip cookies for breakfast), but I will do what I can.
I want to close with a scripture I read during my Bible study. Psalm 145:13 Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and your dominion endures through all generations. The Lord is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made.
Until next time…Kris
Update: Tuesday, December 23, 2003
Christmas is almost here! Seeing the excitement in my children’s eyes reminds me of my anticipation each Christmas morning. We had a rule in our house that we could not wake up dad before 7:00 Christmas morning (totally unfair, I know!). So, when I awoke at 4:00 a.m., I would go into my brother Greg’s room and play cards with him until the appointed hour. We would then run into our parent’s room, dive bomb onto the bed and scream out in unison, “It’s seven, it’s seven, and it’s time to get up!” You know, come to think of it, they never seemed to appreciate our enthusiasm. Now it’s my turn to be the parent and I’m trying to think of some way I can rationalize with my children and help them see the benefits of sleeping in on Christmas morning…how the rest will help them enjoy their new toys even more. Some how, I think my words of wisdom are falling on deaf ears. I wish you all a Merry Christmas. May the love of God touch each of you in a special way and may you see him clearer that ever before.
I haven’t written in a few days. I guess I was struggling with what to write. I have been feeling a little down lately, and the words wouldn’t come. It is obvious to me that I was focusing on myself rather than God, in whom there is always encouragement, strength, and hope. After two days of no pain (Friday and Saturday) and renewed energy, Sunday came with a relapse of pain in my knees and overall fatigue. I suppose I was naïve to think that all symptoms would be done for good, but I was hopeful. So, with the pain returning and being tired again I became discouraged. Please pray continually that I will not give in to self pity and that Christ will ever be my focus and strength, no matter what my circumstances. I received an email from Mary Quinn and she reminded my of a scripture that is helping me through this time.
It is Isaiah 40:28-31: “Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”
My hope is in the Lord and his faithfulness. He will renew my strength. I will run this race set before me and not grow weary. I will walk and not be faint. I Praise God for his faithfulness. I rejoice in his loving kindness. I have again fixed my eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of my faith. I pray we all will take this time, when the world stops and remembers the birth of Christ, to focus our lives on Jesus. Not just for this week, but also in the weeks, months, and years to come…however much time God grants us on this earth. With that in mind, I share the prayer that David prayed in Psalm 71:17-18, “Since my youth, O God, you have taught me, and to this day I declare your marvelous deeds. Even when I am old and gray, (or young and sick-kb) do not forsake me, O God, till I declare your power to the next generation, your might to all who are to come.”
Kris
Update: Friday, December 19, 2003
What a blessed day, rejoice with us! I started feeling a good bit better yesterday -- the pains in my legs and joints seemed to be fading. Today the pains are all but gone. Praise the Lord!
We went to see the doctor today. After having stressful visits the last two times, we were tentative about how this would go. We met Dr. Babcock, my doctor, at our first visit. That was just one day after a routine blood test showed a high white blood count. We had not had time to process the news and we wanted answers. Now, I’m not sure what kind of answers we expected, but we wanted some. Dr. Babcock spoke very cautiously, not wanting to answer questions, as my bone marrow tests had not been completed. He also seemed to be in a hurry. When we left the office, I had more questions than I had before. At our second visit, I saw Dr. McElveen, as my doctor was out of town. Dr. McElveen has a great personality and I enjoyed speaking with him. He spent so much time with us and not only answered all our questions, but was very forth coming with any additional information he had. The nursing staff made me feel uncomfortable though. I’m sure they are busy, but…(well this would be a whole other topic!) Today’s appointment was with Dr. Babcock. I was apprehensive. I was considering switching doctors if Babcock gave us the same impression as before.
We begin each visit at the lab for blood work then we’re sent to the doctor’s waiting area. When we were called back, the first person we ran into was Dr. McElveen. He broke the ice with pleasant, teasing banter. It set the mood for everyone. Dr. Babcock jumped right in and the nurses were left unsure how to respond. In the end, everyone was all smiles, very helpful, and pleasant. Dr. Babcock spent time with us, answered our questions, did not appear to be in a hurry and gave me a hug before we left. As we walked out, Dr. McElveen met us in the hallway. He was on the phone, but he stopped, gave me a hug and wished us a Merry Christmas. It almost felt like we were one big happy family. When I got home I told my mom about it and she said that she had been praying all morning for God’s blessing on the visit. So, once again, God paved the way and answered prayers!
During the visit, we found out my WBC was down to 16,000 (5,000-10,000 is normal). This is excellent news! Dr. Babcock said it is close enough to normal that I can stop taking the allopurinol (the drug that assists in eliminating the waste from dead white blood cells). We also got the news that the chromosome test showed Philadelphia chromosome positive, more good news. This puts me in the best case scenario for good response to Gleevec. Praise God! We also, discussed the options for preparing me for a bone marrow transplant (we don’t really want to go there now, but he said we must be prepared) and we settled on getting referred to Seattle at Fred Hutchinson. I will probably be sent to Seattle in January or February.
In summary, I am feeling comfortable with my medical team, my WBC counts are down and I am feeling much more energetic. Actually I felt a little mischievous today. I guess this means I’m getting back to normal, watch out! We still have a very long and difficult road to travel, but for now, God has renewed me with energy and positive news.
It is amazing and humbling to be the recipient of all of the love that has been showered on me. I have had precious people care for my children (with four that’s no simple task), prepare meals, send cards and emails, send flowers and plants, and some (my Excelsior “family”) have even dedicated Tuesdays as a day of prayer on my behalf. To say thank you seems so inadequate, but please know that I am so very thankful for each of you. You each have such a special place in my heart and I am praying that God richly blesses you as you have truly blessed me. Please continue to hold me and my family up in prayer, as I know you will.
Kris
Update: Wednesday, December 17, 2003
Thank you so much for all your prayers and love. We have been showered with blessings from God through so many people. Truly God is good! It is also our blessing to see God working through this difficult time to do great things. We have seen hearts stirred that previously haven’t appeared open to Him, we’ve seen people struggle with their faith and conclude that God is faithful. It is my prayer that through all of this we come out with deeper faith and God is glorified. Please keep that in your prayers for us along with Kris’ healing. Thank you.
Yesterday, Kris was able to sit by the computer and get on the phone and find out some information about bone marrow transplants and different centers. We are just now starting to compile some actual data and right now it doesn’t look very encouraging. As we sort through all the information and start to come to firm decisions about where we might be looking, we will try to keep everyone posted. There was one person, Debbie, that Kris called at the National Marrow Donor Program who was exceptionally nice (actually most folks that Kris spoke with were very nice, it is the data that doesn’t seem encouraging right now). She was very informative, took time to answer questions, and then called Kris back with additional research that she did and told Kris she is FedExing the information that she found so that we should receive it today. It is our prayer that we never have to go down that path.
We also were able to listen via telephone conference to Dr. Druker and a couple other speakers who held a seminar on CML and current treatments/side effects. There were some good information on what tests we should be requesting and some suggestions on how to cope with the side effects of Gleevec. They confirmed that the pain that Kris is currently dealing with (it is still severe in her knees and the surrounding bones) should start to dissipate in the near future. They talked about the research being done and what their hope was for the future. It was a good informative day for us.
Thank you again for all of you who have taken turns watching our children so that Kris can get rest and be off her feet during this time. Please pray specifically for strength to cope with each day, for the pain to go away and for us to find the information to help us make good decisions. With God’s help we will get through. Blessing to you all.
Mike
Update: Monday, December 15, 2003
The past couple of days have been very difficult ones for me. On Sunday, I began experiencing mild pain in my thighs. As the day progressed, so did the pain. Jan gave me some information from a CML support website that discussed various side effects other patients have suffered on Gleevec. It turns out that the leg pain is normal… I’m not sure that comforted me any, but at least I know I’m not alone in this. By Sunday evening, the pain had spread to my knees as well. It was so intense, I was completely unable to walk, as standing increases the severity.
Today, with the use of my mother’s wheelchair, I was able to maneuver about the house a bit. I kept trying to get up and do things, but ended up back in the wheelchair within minutes. Thankfully, I’m told that these side effects will fade over time. God is faithful and is going to see us through this.
I appreciate so much the emails and cards many of you have sent. You have encouraged me and blessed me more than you will ever know. Thank you! Please continue to pray for me and my family as we take this journey together.
Kris
Update: Friday, December 12, 2003
We went to the doctor today. We were hoping for a nice sit down calm discussion with the doctor and loads of new information. It didn't quite go that way. Let's see, we found high white blood cell counts on Monday the 1st. The next day we had a relatively brief visit with Dr. Babcock. He did blood work, several test, and took a bone marrow sample. The initial blood work showed ~145,000 WBC and the blood smear showed classic signs of chronic myelogenous leukemia. He prescribed Allopurinol to prepare her for Gleevec, if further tests were to confirm CML. The next day, Dr. Babcock called and said that the initial marrow tests were in and confirmed CML and he called in a prescription for Gleevec. So, Wednesday, Dec. 3, 2003, Kris started oral chemotherapy.
So, today, we had hoped to get information on the other tests. In particular, we wanted to see confirmation that Kris had the "Philadelphia" chromosome. Well, the test results were not available. We went to the lab and they took a blood sample. We then went back to visit with Dr. McElveen, Dr. B's partner. He was very kind and took a goodly amount of time to explain what he could and to answer whatever questions that we had. We got some good news. Kris' WBC was down below 88,000. That was good progress.
This also shows good signs that even without knowing we have the "Philadelphia" chromosome, the drug Gleevec seems to be doing its job. Also, the other tests that were back each showed corroborating evidence that Kris is in chronic phase CML. It seems that the next big steps for Kris are to actually get the chromosome test results back to get a baseline of percent "Philadelphia" chromosome and for us to try to decide exactly where we should plan to go if a bone marrow transplant becomes an option. Right now it seems that Seattle would be the most logical choice, but we have a lot of research to complete to make a final determination. We feel it wise to have a good idea if not a final decision by our next visit with Dr. Babcock. The next appointment is scheduled for Friday Dec 19th.
This has been mainly a brief summary of where we are to date. We will try to put up regular updates to let you know of decisions, changes, and to share ways that God is working. Thank you for your prayers.
Mike
Update: Wednesday, December 10, 2003
I thank God daily for the support groups he has given me to get me through this trial. I appreciate so much every time you bring me before the Lord. God is listening to your prayers and answering them daily. He has covered me, my husband and my children with a peace that could only come from Him. Thank you for your faithfulness and dedication to continue your prayers for me. When I think of you the scripture in Hebrews comes to mind, "Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him, endured the cross, despising the shame and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Hebrews 12:1-3. I feel surrounded by a cloud of faithful friends and godly sisters. My prayer is that we will all run the race set before us, fixing our eyes only on Jesus...not our circumstances. Jesus suffered, for us, more than we will ever suffer,..so that we will not grow weary or lose heart. Praise God for that blessing and comfort! I love the scripture in Zephaniah 3: 14-17, where it says, "The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing. Our God has such a tender heart toward us! He will never leave us nor can he forget us because he has engraved us into the palms of his hands.(Isaiah 49:14-16)
I want to share with you a special thing God did for me yesterday. It had been raining all day. At about 5:00 p.m. I looked out the east facing window in my kitchen and there was the sun shining from the west onto the tops of the trees. I could still see the storm clouds, but the sun was piercing the darkness. Then as I lifted my eyes to the heavens, there in the sky was a beautiful full rainbow. And not just one, but it was a double rainbow. My kids, my mom and I went out onto the porch and yelled back to God, "Thank you!!!" Kaylee, my three year old, then yelled, "Thank you God for watching over us"! Amen! I felt God was just confirming to me, in duplicate no less, that he is faithful in keeping his promises! Isn't God fantastic!
Several have asked about helping with meals, childcare, etc. Well, right now I am doing alright. I have a church family who is spoiling me right now with their care and service. I pray God's blessings on each of you.
--Kris
Update: Sunday, December 7, 2003
I have an update and I need your prayers. Kris was supposed to have an outpatient surgery on Tuesday (Dec 2) to have a troublesome ovary removed. On Monday, she went in for routine preparatory blood work for the surgery and found out that she had a severely elevated white blood cell count. The next day we went to visit an oncologist who has confirmed that Kris has CML (leukemia). This is a pretty grim diagnosis although, it seems that medicine has made great strides even in the last 5 years.
What we want everyone to know is that God is great. He has put some trials in our lives prior to this to help us prepare for this. He has led us through studies that have given us confidence in His faithfulness in all things. He has given us a peace that passes understanding. God will be glorified! He has already moved in people's lives through this and is stirring hearts for Him. It is our confidence in His love and His infinitely great wisdom that leads us to lay down our desires and lives at His feet and say Lord do your will with us. This isn't just an easy thing to say and we are not without tears and cares. We are pleading with Him to bring swift healing to Kris and we know that He can do it. It is just that His way is so much greater than ours and He has plans that are so far above what we think and He loves us more than we love ourselves and so we submit. We beg Him for more faith. Please pray with us.
Specifically, we want to pray for a few things. First, we want His will done and Him glorified in everything. We want our faith and yours to grow. Please pray for God's miraculous healing. We want the upcoming tests of the doctors to come back with finding the "Philadelphia" chromosome. That will put us statistically in the best treatment scenario for this type of leukemia. Pray that we find a good bone marrow match for a possible transplant, if necessary.
We are very much in the early stages of finding out specifics on Kris' condition. I want to pursue getting a web page set up to help keep people updated on our progress, the diagnosis (as it evolves), on Kris' condition and a forum for Kris and I to praise God as He shows us (if He does) how He is working.
I will try to keep everyone in the loop. I pray that God will grant you a blessed Holiday season. Please remember us in your prayers.
Michael Bridges